- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Where do I even begin? One of my longest and dearest friends has decided that she hates me because I did not make her a bridesmaid. That’s the short of it.
The long of it is this; Three years ago my friend was getting out of a bad relationship and started distancing herself from not only me but many of our closest friends. Shortly after this I began seeing my now FI and in time decided to move across country to be with him. During this time getting a hold of her became a chore, calls/texts went unanswered for days, weeks and whenever you finally did hear from her it was always the same excuse, “I’m busy with work, with my new puppy, etc…” After I moved away things only got worse and with each passing month I felt as if we drifted further and further apart. Whenever I would visit, we would eventually get together and I’d be so happy, it would be like old times for the most part, only it was shortlived and when I left things went right back to normal.
For her 30th birthday I planned a big soiree, taking care of all the details from out of state, flew in to be there and made a big to do about it. For mine a few short months later she arrived late and left early. Then I got engaged the next day and she hardly even acknowledged it. When I sat down and assesed who my bridesmaids should be I ultimately decided that I would not choose her. It was a hard decision to make considering our many years of friendship, but in the end I decided that it wasn’t just our history that should secure her a spot up there, it should also be our present and I hadn’t felt like she’s been a very present friend, nor have I felt like she’s cared at all about me, my life, or my fiance for quite some time. My next visit back I meant to have a face to face chat about my decision but the day we were supposed to spend together she flaked, didn’t meet up with me until hours after we had planned and was so hung over and partially drunk that I decided it just wasn’t worth it at that point and had her drop me off at the airport early instead so she could go home and sleep it off. After I got over my frustration with how that day played out I tried contacting her again via phone and as usual my calls/texts went unanswered…
Fast forward a few months and I still can’t get a hold of her. Then a close friend of ours has a medical emergency and she won’t return my calls or texts. This is when I realize something is not right. I finally ask a mutual friend if she’s mad at me and she replies “I don’t want to get in the middle of it.” Well that confirms that. I assume it’s the bridesmaid thing but wasn’t entirely sure since, like I said, it’s not like I ever hear from her so how can I assume she’d be this upset about it. I try for about 2 months to contact her via text, email, phone asking why she is mad at me and get nothing in response.
Finally, last month she messaged me back on FB (of all things) and says she is furious at me for not telling her my decision personally and thinks I am “not the person she thought I was” and doesn’t want someone like me in her life. I was floored. I explained to her everything I have explained here and she never responded. Since then she has suddenly become the greatest friend on earth to all our mutual friends that she has long neglected and continually writes passive-aggressive FB updates about friendship that is very transparent to this situation.
This has all hurt me deeply as I never, EVER thought I would lose a friend like this over, what boils down to, not picking her to be a bridesmaid. And yet, despite all this, I simply cannot fathom not inviting her to the wedding. When things started hitting the fan I believed our friendship might still be salvagable but after all the things she has done and said I know now that it is not, but I still want to leave the door open and give her one last opportunity to make things right. My FI is not keen on this idea, nor are many of our mutual friends. Am I stupid for holding on to hope that she still might come around? Should I wash my hands of it and move on?
I want to believe that deep down inside she is still the person that was one of my closest friends for many years, and it’s that person that I want to be at my wedding in a few short months.
Sorry this was SOOOO long but there was a lot of background to cover. Thanks for letting me vent ladies. :-/