(Closed) Number in Wedding party

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Here is my advice. Tell him that you would love to have all of his friends apart of the wedding but because it would look odd having 5 on his side and 3 on yours, you can have the two extra from his side be ushers, or readers, or some special job in the wedding that way they are included in the wedding and festivities and everything is still equal!! Hope this helps good luck!!

Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Here is my advice. Tell him that you would love to have all of his friends apart of the wedding but because it would look odd having 5 on his side and 3 on yours, you can have the two extra from his side be ushers, or readers, or some special job in the wedding that way they are included in the wedding and festivities and everything is still equal!! Hope this helps good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I’ve been to wedding where there isn’t an equal amounts of bridesmaids vs. groomsmen. With that said though, there usually is more bridesmaids than groomsmen, so a couple of guys will walk two girls down the aisle.  I have never seen a girl walk two guys down the aisle though.  However, I do agree that it looks better balanced. 

I think a compromise is good here.  While you feel that it’s important that you only have 3, I think your FI your also feels important that these five guys are a part of the day.  Besides, I think there’s no harm to adding more people to the bridal party, someone you are also close to, but not as close so that your FI can have his five guys.   Just a thought.

Post # 6
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I disagree – I think you should have 3 and he has 5.  I think the whole "need for symmetry" is silly.  That being said, my FI totally disagrees with me.  I think there are 3 options:

1.) You compromise – add 2 (could Jr. Bridesmaids or Flower Girls count towards symmetry?).

2.) He compromises – demotes 2 (being an usher is a demotion).

3.) Non symmetrical wedding party.

If HE wants the symmetry, then HE should make the cut to have the symmerty. 

Arguments for not adding BM just for the sake of symmetry – these BM’s could easily end up spending $1000 to be in your wedding (dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, showers, b-ette party, wedding present, travel, hotel)… and when I’m in a bridal party, I spend the weeks before getting my hair colored, getting my nails done, spray booth tanning… the cost adds up.  You don’t want to ask a friend to spend 1k just for the sake of symmetry.  My FI didn’t realize how expensive it was to be in a bridal party until I showed him how much I spent in friend’s weddings.  It was worth every penny because I love these friends so much – but that was because I was asked to be in the bridal party for reasons other than symmetry.  

Post # 7
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with enmoore – its not really fair to the potential two BMs to have them spend the time and money involved just to satisfy your FI’s aesthetics.  The point of the attendants is not to be a decorative adjunct to the bride and groom – but to have the people who are important to you personally there to share your day in a very special capacity.  I think that if your FI must have the same number on each side of the altar, he needs to cut his attendants to three. 

There is really nothing wrong with unequal numbers of attendants.  Maybe you can show him wedding party photos where the attendants are standing in a mixed group – much better aesthetically (IMO) than the two stiff lines on either side of the bride and groom.  Really the only time that you all stand up like that is during the ceremony.  Another option is to have the FG and RB both stand on your side, which will even things out a bit.

Just out of curiousity – does it also bother your FI if the attendants are significantly different sizes? 

Post # 8
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Is there a friend of his that you feel particularly close to that could stand on your side?  I guess this might also mess with his need for symmetry because there will be 4 guys on one side and 3 girls and 1 guy on the other – but at least it will be 4 and 4!

Post # 10
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I didn’t read through all of these posts, but I have a wedding planned with 3 gm and 2 bm.  I am going to have the Best Man stand by Mr. Wonderful’s side while the others walk down the isle to make it even.  Could you have two of your girls walk down with a gm on each arm?  The Maid of Honor and the Best Man could walk together.  This may help with evening it out, and it would add a bit of uniqueness to your event. 

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