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I can definately see where she is coming from. Did her and her FI end up buying the TV with the reduced contribution from you and your FI?
I completely understand that the TV was financed etc, but she wouldnt be able to see that and like I would probably spent a few minutes doing the "I cant believe they bought a new TV!" and getting worked up before she called you. Which is what I do!
I think I may be slightly biased, as my brother will do a similar thing as what your sister has perceived that you did.
Her and her fiance bought 3 tv's (one for themselves, one for my parents, and one for his- my sister makes a lot of money).
I can see what you're saying, but they both know I financed the television. This is over 50 dollars (I just booked 500 dollars in airfare for her wedding!). The gifted television was 600 dollars divided three ways (my brother, sister, and I). In December my tuition due and we were flying home (needed to pay our pet sitter cash) so things weren't as financially rosey.
Your sister is being ridiculous. She suggested an expensive gift, you told her how much you could contribute (and asked if buying a different gift would be an option), and she chose to still move forward with buying the TV knowing how much you could contribute. What you chose to do with your money beyond the amount that you said you could comfortably contribute is your business.
If you know she is borderline bipolar you really shouldn't send sarcastic emails/messages like the one w/ "I'll take that is an apology." That is begging for a negative reaction.
If she's borderline bipolar I bet she'll be over in a week! Just brush it off and avoid her for a bit.
I agree with Miss Sydney: I have a brother that pulls the "we can't afford that" card ALL THE TIME. No contrib to presents for my dad for christmas....and they bought two new laptops right after Christmas. This is only the latest example. I can totally see where your sister is coming from.
@astrangeharris: You're completely right- I slipped. Humor is a coping mechanism.
@HisIrishPrincess: I'm really trying to understand.. I told her flat out I did not want to take part in this gift and was going to spend 150 (again.. what we budgeted) on my parents.. After I said no to the tv she suggested dinner and a movie and I said great.
It's not like I didn't gift my mom and dad anything. We flew home for the holiday's to see them ($), hired a pet sitter ($), and gave 150 dollars for their gift.
my rule is family and money never mix
i dont agree that someone should call you out over what you choose to do with your own money - its no ones business and even if you had more money to spend, if $150 was all you wanted to spend on your folks gift then you shouldnt be guilted or asked to explain why you didnt spend more
I'm going to give you a bit of tough love:
1. It is none of your sister's business how you choose to spend your money. If you want to curtail the contribution of your parents' gift because YOU want your own TV, that's your prerogative (heck, if you wanted to skip a contribution altogether because you wanted your own TV, that would also be your prerogative). It's YOUR money, she shouldn't complain.
HOWEVER
2. If your sister really is bipolar, you were poking the bear.
Bipolar disorder and depression both run in my family and it is common for my family members (when they're not on their meds) to behave erratically (angry, a lot of the time) when they are stressed or anxious. Which can be a lot. And they will lash out and make mountains out of molehills (like complaining about not receiving an extra $50 for a Christmas gift). And they have the tendency to overdramatize things--ie, "You're manipulating me!" It wouldn't surprise me if she attributed that statement to her FI when in fact he said nothing of the sort. In other words, you need to recognize that you are not in the wrong about the money AND you also need to not engage when she's being irrational. In my view, it sounds like your sister is struggling with some other emotional issue and using this business to vent out--it's not appropriate, so you can either ignore her or try and shift focus to getting at what's really at the heart of what's bothering her. But don't turn this into a fight over nothing--that's you creating your own drama.
Your sister and her fiance are out of line. You didn't do anything wrong. When she's not in this "mood" sit her down and explain it to her again, and if she still refuses to understand, it's her problem, not yours. Does she want you to send her the $50? If you think it would help, you could tell her that you don't have any extra cash, which is why you could only afford to send her $150 and why you financed the TV and will be paying it off over a number of months. Then tell her that you'd be happy to save up a little and send her the $50 when you have it. Then she would literally have NOTHING to complain about. Just a thought--you certainly don't owe it to her, but that's probably what I would do because I don't like it when people are unhappy with me.
@JennyW1: This is what I needed to hear.
My sister is bipolar. My parents have always said she's not- she was kicked out of USMC bootcamp for depression- She claimed she faked the disorder because she realized it was a mistake to join (she says this about her bulimia as well). Her behavior today is nothing new, I don't know why I'm being sensitive. I'm not ashamed I only gave 150- We paid to travel home and I know that was what my parents really appreciated(they're wealthy.. if they want something they buy it). I am embarassed about financing the tv --> I hate being in debt.
I can't prove her fiance said that, but I have a feeling he did. When she called he was there (in the car). I guess they talked about the situation with his parents/my parents over dinner (his parents met mine last)
I'm just going to let it go. It gets harder to deal with her behavior as we get older because she refuses or lies about getting help.
My BIL borrowed money from DH and I to pay his rent and then turned around and bought at 60" flat screen TV. Then had the nerve to brag that his was so much better because DH and I only have a 42". People! I swear!
You gave what you could afford. And you and your husband were trying to save previously. I think $150 is a generous contribution. She's probably just angry right now, and I'd let it go. You did what you could do, and it isn't like you gave nothing and then bought a TV. She's probably not only dealing with emotional issues like stress from the wedding, death in the family, etc., but as you have said, she has a personality disorder. I say take the higher road, just apologize, and let it go.
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I'm going to keep this as short and accurate as possible since I'm in emotional mode.
Backstory:
My husband and I have been saving for a new tv for 8 months. When we were about to buy one when my grandpa died. We spent our tv savings on airfare home to attend the funeral.
Story:
In December my sister emailed me stating she and her fiance wanted to buy my parents a new TV and asked if I would put in 200 dollars. We talked about it a little bit and I went and did some math (my husband and I were flying home for the holiday's and things were tight with gifts). Turns out we really only had $150 to comfortably spend on their gift. I emailed her back asking if we could do something else because I didn't have the money (my tuition was due) She agreed, and I let it go.
A few days later she emailed me back saying "Fiance and I decided if you put in $150 that will fine. We'll get the rest, mail me a check." I said okay and mailed her a check.
Christmas happened, we flew home, everyone was happy.
Last week we spotted the TV we've had our eye on discounted. My husband opened a store card with 0 percent interest for a year and we bought it. Stupid? Yes. My husband spent 80 percent of the last year deployed and never splurges on anything- I felt he deserves it and we can pay it off fairly quickly.
My sister called me last night in a bad mood and says, "Wow.. it's nice you can buy a tv byt not give me the full 200 dollars.." I explained it was financed and changed the subject because I knew her fiance was there and did not want to argue with him listening. I don't really know him. She ended up telling me how hard her life is, wedding planning, etc.. and hung up on me.
I emailed her a few hours later explaining what happened and asking her not to call me when she was in a bad mood (my sister is borderline bipolar).
She emailed me back "F*** you"
I sent her something funny saying I'll take that as an apology.
She emailed me back saying her fiance helped her see I manipulated and used her.
Did I manipulate her?
I'm hurt her fiance would say that and she agrees. I felt I was honest about the gift situation. My sister is younger and makes quite a bit of money, I went back to school so we are living on one income. She knows our situation.