Post # 1
I’m a little bit upset right now and I want to know if you think I need to get over it or if I have a valid reason to be upset.
FI’s cousin and wife moved to our city a couple years ago and the wife’s family isn’t within driving distance. She was feeling pretty bummed out about not being around her family, not having many friends here, and overwhelmed by all the things a baby need. Now, I would consider us to be fairly close so I felt like it would be a good idea to throw her a baby shower. Thinking it would be a small gathering consisting of mainly her husband’s family and a few of her co-workers. I got her invite list last Friday night and there were 44 people on that list consiting mostly of her co-workers. I thought that number was too high but I went with it anyways. I went to craft store and bought the materials needed to make the invites. Today I was on facebook and saw that she had made an event on her page for the babyshower and there were 71 people invited!!!!! WTH?!?!?! I’ve been putting alot of thought into her shower for a couple of months now, buying little bits of things here and there, searching the internet for ideas and invite designs, ect. Now she goes behind my back and sends out invites to her own babyshower after I’ve been making invites to be sent out by mail. GRRRRRRRRR!!!! That would be like me planning my own bridal shower or batchlorette party. Who does that? I’m so annoyed now that I don’t even want to throw this party anymore. What should do?
Post # 3
That’s really rude of her to do that, I’d be upset too! Did you use any of the stuff you bought for the invites or can you take them back? I would ask her for a final count, and just do something you can afford. Maybe make it a little less fancy, serve easier and cheaper food, do just desserts or apps. And hope a lot of those people don’t show.
Post # 4
I’ll take back some of the paper that I haven’t used, but unfortuantly I’ve used most of the things I’ve bought. And I guess I will have to cut back a lot. Its not going to be nearly as nice as I had planned out in my head. 🙁
Post # 5
I would contact her privately (preferably on the phone) and let her know that there has been a misunderstanding. Tell her that you are only able to host XX number of people. She then can still take you up on your offer playing by your rules, or she will have to decline your offer.
The line “I’m sorry that won’t be possible” could be your best friend in this situation. I woudn’t give her any reasons why you can’t. You just can’t.
You: ….I am only able to host 35 people including you and me
Her: Whanh…I need to invite the other 43 people in my department
You: I’m sorry that won’t be possible. I can still host 35 people. Please let me know if you are still interested in my hosting.
Her: But I don’t have any family here, so I need to invite the 99 people from my 86 different activiites.
You: I’m sorry that won’t be possible. Please let me know by Friday if I should contine to plan.
Then get off the phone.
Don’t give her anything to argue with. You say costs she may offer to pay the difference. You say space, she offers to get you a bigger space. So give her nothing. You hold the cards here. No matter what she says you counter with I’m sorry that won’t be possible. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Post # 6
OP , Listen to @megin: , she has given you good advice.
She’ll probably hint around enough and the work friends will end up coordinating the usual cake / punch or potluck work shower.
Truthfully, as a co-worker, I would be delighted with the opportunity to provide a gift and share in the joy during work hours vs attending an after-hours event. My free time is pretty important to me.