(Closed) NWR: Best Friend Vent (LONG)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sounds like your just at different stages in life. That sucks because you have been best friends for soo long but it happens. I would continue to be there for her, contact her occasionally but don’t stress about it. When she enters a different season in life she may come looking you up and everything will be the same as before. I have had this happen to me many times. I always found it helpful to focus on building new friendships during this waiting period. If she truly is your friend she would want you to be honest with her so don’t feel like you are bragging if you aren’t. You are supposed to be yourself with friends. As to the bad decisions: We all make bad decisions from time to time. We all have to live with the consequences of our bad decisions. A true friend just holds are hand and tells us how sorry they are when it all comes crashing down around us.

Post # 4
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with secondchances.  I know it’s hard but sometimes friendships wither on their own with time.  There is a friend that I was close with all through high school but we have really drifted apart because we were on different paths in high school.  You should try to make some new friends, not to replace her but so that you can have people to talk with and have some fun!

Post # 5
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

What’s happening to you is completely normal. After school, people just go different directions and make a bunch of different choices so it’s all too common that friends grow apart.

Post # 6
361 posts
Helper bee

I’m currently going through this with one of my best friends. I’m 30, with 2 kids, in a stable relationship. She’s 23, single, and has no direction in her life. We’re at different places, want different things, so we have slowly started spending less and less time together. I let her know when we do talk that I miss talking to her and hanging out with her, and am glad for the time I do get to see her. 


Post # 7
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow I totally know what this is like, except I’m the friend that’s too busy!  I really am too busy!  We also are at different stages in our life and she’s not able to accept it.

We’ve been friends for about 15 years – since highschool.  We’ve had a pretty up and down relationship.  She ignores me when she has a bf and then expects me to be her bf when she doesn’t.  She doesn’t understand that I don’t want to go to the bar and be her wingman anymore.  I’m in a happy committed relationship for 4 years now, it’s not a surprise!  

It’s really weird to have a friend that treats you like you are their man!  I’m also pretty certain that she shares a lot of my business with other people.  So, i’ve reccently made the decision to start cutting her out of my life.  I love her, but we’re in such different stages, treats me really poorly and trashes me behind my back 🙁  I have cried a lot about this and had many converstations with my mom, sister and boyfriend

Post # 9
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I don’t know what’s going on with your friend, but I’m a really busy person. I constantly have something going on and a lot on my mind. I love my friends to death, but I don’t have time to hang out as much as I’d like anymore–especially since I am now married and have a husband to take care of :-). Last summer, a friend of mine i was really close with in college stayed in my town for the summer(She’s a teacher). She wanted to hang out a lot. Even though I love her to death, it stressed me out trying to make time to go get drinks or dinner more than once a month because I had/have so much going on. I had a single friend at my work that wanted to hang out a lot that summer as well, and I just didn’t have enough time to do everything they wanted to do. I hate that I’m that too-busy friend, but I try my best to hang out when I can and phone call when I can’t. 

Also… maybe your friend IS cutting back… by not going out and spending money on dinner and drinks? Maybe that’s where she’s saving money? It would be a different situation if she’s obviously hanging out and spending money with other people all the time.

Post # 10
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to cut your friend some slack. As we grow older, priorities change. She clearly has a lot on her plate, and though you think she’s made bad choices, her choices may pay off for her later if she works really hard right now. Who knows if her SO’s business might take off and really provide for their future. It’s not your place to really judge those choices.

As for how much she’s contacting you, I would take it with a grain of salt. Again, you said she’s working a lot and she’s really busy…so take it for face value. If you don’t think she’s mad at you and she’s fine when you guys are together, she’s probably just really burned out and stressed with her situation. I think the last thing she needs is her best friend judging all of the choices she’s made at this point in her life.

Post # 11
3943 posts
Honey bee

I was actually your friend in this situation (minus the bad investment stuff). My Fiance and I bought a home last year, and moved about an hour away for jobs. He was laid off after a couple of months and I was in the middle of a horrible work project that caused me to work 70+ hours a weeks for months. Luckily, we had bought a home that we could comfortably afford, but we weren’t rolling the dough either. My priorities changed-instead of meeting friends for drinks several times a week, I like painting the house and doing yard work. Of course, I love seeing my friends still but I am busy and its harder to get together. I also didnt have the money I once did to drive all over the place to meet them for dinner and drinks.

I was also embarassed about my fiance being laid off because I thought we would be judged for it. I kept to myself more and didnt lean on my friends like I probably could have. I was tired, stressed, and worried and my best friend actually pulled away from me during this time. We havent spoken in a long time and it sucks.


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