- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
There is a rift building between my best friend and I that only seems to be getting worse. The original post is this one. I’m on my phone so I can’t link it directly http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nwr-concerned-about-best-friend.
Summary: My best friend has recently seperated from her husband and got a boyfriend. The guy is nice, but he is not exactly what I would call a good person. He can’t read, he has a very young infant from a previous relationship, he’s told the mother of his child my best friend’s name and she is now being harrassed by the girl, he’s been telling her he loves her from day one despite the fact that my friend has expressed the fact she is not interested in a serious relationship because she isn’t divorced yet, he always finds a way to involve himself in the few outings we manage to take together and he’s been joking about how “funny” it would be if she got pregnant again despite him knowing that she has no desire to have another child. She also never calls me anymore, or answers my calls. If she does she tells me she’s waiting on her boyfriend to call and that she’ll call me back, but I go days, sometimes a week, without hearing from her at all. Their PDA is so disgusting, and they don’t seem to care where they are. In a store in front of some kids, in a restaraunt, even when they’re hanging out with friends. They talk explicitly about sex no matter who’s around. It’s very uncomfortable for everyone. I can’t tell you how embarrassed I was the first time I went out in public with them. And she’s trying to “hide” her relationship from her husband… For some reason I don’t see that working too well much longer with the way they act in public. All of these things send up red flags everywhere for me. Of course, she has changed too. She now drinks anytime she’s with him and she’s resumed smoking pot all the time.
Now for the part that’s concerning me more. She never used to leave her son with anyone for anything. On road trips he was there, going shopping he was there. When she offered to come spend the weekend with me and help me unpack the house she wanted to bring her son. If we went to the moveis, she wanted to bring him. Since she and her husband have seperated, she has even been cautious aboug letting him stay with his dad. Until she started dating this guy. Now, his father gets him four days out of the week, sometimes more, and she spends all of her times with her boyfriend. It’s gotten to a point where she’s started calling out of work because she stays wasted and they basically screw the entire time they’re together (her words, not mine). We both are from a very small town, and when I went to visit family over Thanksgiving, I happened to run into her boss who asked me if my friend was sick because she’d been calling out of work or leaving early for the past week. Today, on the rare occasion that she calls me, she told me she called out of work today because she and the guy had been so wasted and stayed up so late screwing that she didn’t feel like going in.
I have tried to be supportive of her. She is 25, she can make her own choices. And for a while I thought the guy was actually nice. Now it seems like it’s the worst thing that she’s done lately. She’s already going through a lot of hell with her husband and I didn’t want to her to end up in another bad situation while everything was still going on. It honestly seems like this guy is trying to isolate her completely from everyone. The PDA alone has been enough to cause most people to avoid her completely. But I also know that I can’t tell her what to do and I don’t want to get involved in her personal life.
The conversations that we’ve had regarding everything, she just blows off. She thinks he’ll stop telling her he loves her all the time, that there’s nothing wrong with him telling his ex her name and where she works (he told her that as the mother of his child, she has a right to know who he is dating) and the fact that he seems to lack any respect at all for anyone.
I’m mostly worried about her calling out of work and her dropping off her son to anyone who’ll keep him so she can spend more time with the guy.
I really want to say something, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m a loss completely.
Thanks for reading and maybe some of you can give me some advice. I appreciated all the feedback on my last post and hope for some here too.