- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
I’m in need of some comfort and advice, bees. I have never had to deal with anything like this before, so I’m a little rattled by how I’m feeling.
Background: I met my best friend in preschool, so we’ve been friends for 20+ years. Growing up, we were the perfect set of opposites — I was a performaing dancer and musician, she was a black-belt in Tae Kwon Do and a Junior Olympian. We didn’t always go to the same schools, but we spent the majority of our free time together. As an only child, she was and is the sister I never knew I needed.
We have the kind of lasting, deep friendship that allows for a signigicant time apart with no communication, but we pick up where we left off as soon as we talk or see each other again. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding a few years ago, saw her two or three times for her ROTC grad and a few other things, and then she and her husband moved to their Air Force base (he’s a 1LT and she’s a 2LT). Amazingly, they both managed to get a 24-hour window to fly up to our wedding, stay the night, and fly home the next day. Her presence on that day absolutely, 100% made my entire wedding. DH and I visited them in early March, as a see-you-before-you-go trip.
We haven’t always seen eye-to-eye about the military, but we never let it harm our friendship. I’m a lifelong dove, and she’s, well, an engineer for the AF. Her husband is in counter-intelligence, wears his weapon 24/7, and is a great (if slightly terrifying) guy. I support the U.S. Military and their families, but I do not support the war, so I tend to hold myself distant from any involvement in war-related things.
She’s deploying to Afghanistan. Her husband is, too. And… it hit me like a truck.
As a civilian with no family or other friends currently serving, I’m completely out of my depth and on unfamiliar ground. I’ve never done this before. I start to tear up every time I think about it — which is often — because I’m utterly overwhelmed with fear for her and her husband’s safety and well-being. When I allow myself a few minutes to really think about where she’s going and what she’s doing, I just seize up with terror, start crying, and have to make myself stop. As a normally even-keeled person, this reaction is very new to me. My wonderful Darling Husband knows how I’m feeling and does his best to comfort me, but he’s never been in this situation either so feels helpless as to how to make me feel better.
She’s sent an e-mail and a picture or two, so far only of her combat-ready training here in the US. Her husband will send me her mailing info when he gets it, and I fully intend to send her letters and care packages (and I have NO idea what’s ok or appropriate for those, either). How am I going to stand the next ____ months of this?! I can barely talk about it, and I nearly get whiplash turning my head to the TV every time I hear something about the war.
Any advice you could give would be so appreciated. I’m so lost here bees, I could use your internet-shoulders to cry on.