NWR: Dealing with MIL

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

I don’t really have any good advice, beacuse I am kinda in the same boat. My MIL annoys me a bit. She’s a nice enough lady. But sometimes her lil remarks about “When are you going to have a baby””Why haven’t you had a baby by now””Are you going to have a baby before I die” or my personal favorite “You’d feel better about your life if you went to church me” really piss me off. I also sense a bit of jealously on her part. Anyways….My lil tid bit of advice that I am trying to follw myself is to, stay as polite as possible, and take everything she says with a grain of salt. Seriously, just try not to let it annoy you. Trust me I know It’s hard.

Post # 4
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

My advice would be to be polite but distant.  My MIL is similar, always nice and asks a TON of questions but I’ve learned over time that she just means well, like you’ve said.  I answer her questions, take her phone calls and listen when she talks to me about whatever but I know that we’ll never be the best of friends.  She’s just one of those people in my life that I’ll have to deal with every now and again so whenever I know that I’ll be seeing her, I give myself a little prepping.  I tell myself that it’s only a day or couple hours and to just smile and be polite. 

In your most recent post about the family dynamics, I hear ya on that one!  They are ALWAYS out and socializing (even my SO was when he was little) but I’ve explained numerous times that that is not how I was raised.  My parents left me at home with a babysitter when they went to a wedding and my parents are homebodies (a subject I’ve had to reiterate a MILLION times)… now I just smile and be polite and re-tell them why they’ve only met my parents twice haha  POLITE but DISTANT!

 

Post # 5
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 

MechEBee:  I know how you feel. My MIL texted me the other day to ask me if i was involved in an accident on a busy road that I take to work. I immediately got annoyed. Like even if I was in an accident do you think I need to be talking to YOU about it right now?! I know she means well but still….

As for you, next time she suggests you do something, like starting a business, politely tell her that you enjoy your career and do not intend to start a business. If she starts on the ‘appropriate’ thing to be doing (making sandwiches instead of actually HELPING) advise her that you enjoy doing that kind of work. If she persists I would try saying something in regards to how its the 21st centrury and women are allowed out of the kitchen. (I would likely be a tad snappy by this point).

As far as approved dishes, fuck that. I’ll bring your stupid pie but you bet your ass the fruit salad is coming too.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Re: Thanksgiving/Christmas, I would make a list of things you’d enjoy making/bringing and then email it to her. “Hi MIL! I thought I’d try something different this year. Which of these sounds best to you? Let me know!” If she says none of them, say, “Okay, well. Maybe I’ll just surprise you, then.” And bring something you want to eat. Don’t worry about whether anyone else will eat it, and if she says no one will eat it, just say cheerfully, “Well, more for me, then!” I think you have to play the situation slightly clueless.

Post # 8
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

No you are not alone my [future]MIL gets like that sometimes, and even when shes being nice, Im used to her being more overbearing. So, out of habit I tend to get insulted. Its slowly getting better over the years, but at first I felt so damn snubbed

Post # 9
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 

MechEBee:  WOW. I would be making a single serving for myself then. Who doesnt like some kind of fruit?!

 

Post # 10
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

ugh i totally feel you OP. i am in a similar boat- my MIL is well intentioned but says things that make me feel uncomfortable in front of others and i’ve just sort of shut down. AND i totally get you on the thanksgiving thing- for the last 2 years i asked what to take. first she told me sweet potatoes- i made them, took them, and someone else had also brought them. last year, i chose to do cranberry relish, and she opened up a can of cranberry sauce and ate that. like how hard is it to tell me to bring something unique that no one else will take and then taste it?? i like the rest of DH’s family, so i’m trying to focus on them and surround myself with them at family gatherings. and then when she comes to talk to me, i just reply cordially and move on as fast as possible. i feel bad, but i’ve watched his family and they all do the same thing (which is why she’s gone through life like this, but unfortunately i don’t think i can be the one to bring this to her attention).

Post # 12
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

MechEBee:  I don’t really have any advice for you but I can definately relate. My fiances mom is just different than what I am used to. Sometimes it gets on my nerves so much! It such little things that I don’t even have specific examples right now but I recall bitching about her lots to my mom. I have to say though, my mom passed away last year and since then I have learnt to love her and not get so annoyed with the little things. She has been extremely supportive and helpful since my mom died and even though she doesn’t do things the way I am used to them being done I am very grateful for that. Unfortunately it took me to lose my mom to realize that. Sometimes we just have to put life into prespective and realize that little things don’t matter and life is too short to get upset with someone who has a different personality. Next time you get annoyed with her just remember that she raised your husband to be the man of your dreams and cut her a bit of slack. We don’t get to choose family sometimes 😉 haha

Post # 15
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

MechEBee:  lol easier said then done though, I understand! There are definately still times when I secretly roll my eyes to the things she says/does. My fiance is a bit of a mamas boy so that get’s annoying sometimes. But then I realize that I was quite close to my mother too so I shouldn’t really be such a hypocrite. haha

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors