- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I am posting this for some advice. My MIL drive me NUTS. She is not a bad person. It would be easier if she was a deceiving witch that was intentionally being obnoxious. Most of my issues with her are personality clashes. (Sorry this is so long).
If any of you watch How I Met Your Mother, I feel like Robin and she is Patrice. Not because she is super nice or anything. She never really does anything that should irritate me, but when she offers advice or send me texts or we have to go over there for dinner, I get irrationally annoyed. I’ll probably get flamed for this, but what I’m really looking for is advice on how to calm the annoyance/anger that comes from having to interact with her.
His mom is very “Type A.” All through wedding planning, anything she was involved in was top priority to her. She offered to do the rehearsal dinner and wanted to do a big catered meal in a 5 star hotel at $60/head. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciated her paying for it and hosting it, but originally I was just going to do beer and pizza at the venue. I told her I was uncomfortable with having a rehearsal dinner that was fancier than the wedding was going to be. So then she thought I was mad at her. I had volleyball practice for ~3 hours that night and I got back to my car and had 7 texts, 3 missed calls and 2 emails from her about the rehearsal dinner.
When she was buying her dress she wanted to know what all the other dresses in the bridal party were and if they were short or long and what my mom was wearing. I didn’t know the answer to any of these questions. My girls picked out their own dresses and my mom never told me what she was wearing. So she made me track down all the girls and my mom and figure this all out 6 months before the wedding.
For Thanksgiving/Christmas, she sends out a list of “approved” dishes that I can bring. I think this is because one year I brought fruit salad and she hates fruit salad, so now I can only make stuff off the list. The last 3 years I have brought pumpkin pie because it’s on the list. I hate pumpkin pie.
Their whole family is very gender divided. Men work on cars, women cook and clean. His mom was visibly upset when she came over once when I was changing my oil and yelled at DH for not doing it for me. When she comes over for dinner and he cooks, she side eyes me. I went over to help install sprinklers at their house and she kept pulling me into the kitchen from where I was digging telling me that it was “boys work” and I should be making them sandwiches. I just get so annoyed.
I know she means well. But it’s gotten to the point that all the little stuff annoys me too. Some things, if someone else said or did them, I wouldn’t even think twice about, but when she does, I get irrationally irritated. She texted me the other day to wish me luck on an exam. And it annoyed me. Which I know is not the right emotional response to have. I’m sure she thinks I’m an ungrateful bitch. I don’t want to be best friends with her or have her be like a mom to me. I just REALLY want to put my irrational feelings aside and be pleasant and have a good relationship with her.
Is it just me that has these issues? Does anyone have any advice without too much flaming about how I’m a bad daughter- in-law?