- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
This question requires a little bit of background so forgive the long post.
In February, FI left a job of 3 years for a new one at a bigger company and higher pay. The former CEO told him it would be a horrible mistake. This stayed in his mind, and after his first week at the new job felt that he had made the wrong choice, and began having anxiety and mild panic attacks. He had never experienced anxiety before and was constantly unhappy, stressed, and questioning everything about his life. He started seeing a therapist right away to learn how to handle it, and after a month at the new position, left and returned to his old one. He has progressed greatly and for about 3 weeks made almost no mention of stress or anxiety.
And then my father unexpectedly passed about two weeks ago. I was very, very distraught the first two days, but in the back of my mind I worried what this would stir up in my FI. I had to put all emotions aside to get through the week of planning services, wake, and dealing with all of the personal accounts of his.
After we returned home from the services, FI reverted and has been having severe anxiety to the point it is all we ever talk about. I believe the stress of feeling like he had to support me during that week had a lot to do with that in addition to my dad’s passing and his own fears about the health condition of his mother.
I feel two things, completely emotionless about everything… no longer want to get married, no longer like my job, feel no connection to FI. With FI’s anxiety he is clinging to me to the point of almost being suffocating, which just makes me want to be farther away. Constant need of reassurance that we’ll always be together, that he’ll be a good husband, that I still love him, that he has a stable job etc. I feel very stressed that in addition to grieving over my father, I have to be supportive for him almost 24/7.
The hardest part for me is I’ve never had a relationship with anyone with any type of anxiety disorder, and I keep thinking to myself that if I can get through the day after I just lost my father, why can’t you? Most of his fears are baseless, and he knows it, so I have a hard time comprehending why he still fears them. Also, up until a few months ago, he had never had the type of irrational fears that he is now experiencing.
I’ve also never dealt with death, and I’m not sure if these are all natural emotions. I know this post is a bit of a rant, and I don’t really know what the point of it is, but I’ve had all these thoughts the last couple of weeks I just needed to get them out.
Maybe the questions are: Are the emotions I’m feeling normal after a death of a loved one, and how do you handle a relationship with someone that suffers from anxiety?
Thanks anyone who read.