(Closed) NWR: Etiquette Situation at work

posted 8 years ago in Career
  • poll: What should EggFoo do?
    donate some money and shut up : (11 votes)
    25 %
    donate some money but remind them I received nothing : (2 votes)
    5 %
    respectfully decline : (21 votes)
    48 %
    decline and state your reasons why : (10 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 3
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I understand what you are going through, but have one question… is it worth it to take the stand to possibly have a hard time at work after the fact?

    Either way – i totally get where you are coming from and do not blame you at all if you don’t contribute.

    Post # 4
    5758 posts
    Bee Keeper

    How childish that someone would do that to you. I’d give it back ,and if anyone asks you why, tell them what you’ve told us. Nobody congratulated you, so you’re returning the favor. 😛

    Post # 5
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Throw a dollar in there? It sounds like you work with horrible people. Weddings aren’t necessarily collection-appropriate, but they could have at least said congrats or gotten you a card! Frown

    Post # 6
    5786 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’d donate (like $5) and pass the jar back. These people are clearly not your friends but I’d try to be the bigger person.

    Post # 7
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @EggFooYung: I would respectfully decline. I hate when office places do this. One of the girls in my office is pregnant and a few months ago there was a shower for her where we all brought food. While I did contribute food, I did not buy her a gift even though everyone else did, and I didnt feel bad about it. First of all I had only worked there for 2 months and second of all I knew that nothing would be done like this for my wedding so I just didnt participate. I wonder WHO put it on your desk!! If you care about saving face then contribute but if not then dont. And if someone asks you why you didnt you can just politely say that you dont know the woman that well or something along those lines.

    Post # 8
    3 posts
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Wow what a situation!!  And they are still after you? How rude they are to expect you to do that…in my opinion.

    I don’t think you should be obligated to give anything.  You should be able to decide if and what you want to buy.

    Don’t make it a spiteful situation though.  If you would have given a gift before you were married then maybe you should think about buying a gift. 

    Times in the economy are difficult right now so losing your job over giving a few bucks is another thing to consider (especially if these people have a way of “getting rid of those unwanted”).

    Hope some of this helps give you some hope on what to do!!

    Post # 10
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would decline contributing but not give the true reason why.  If anyone asks you about it, say something about how you don’t know the woman well, had some unexpected expenses this month, etc.  You should never feel forced to contribute (I think it it awful that they are actually keeping track of who puts money in the jar).

    Post # 11
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I would just give it back without putting anything in it. There is no rule that says you need to give any money.

    Edit! How about throwing some change in. You donated are they happy now 🙂

    Post # 12
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I totally get where you’re coming from.  I really do.  But, I think you should donate.  Mostly because you’ll look like the bigger person.  And also because it will avoid being on their sh*t list.  It really sucks, but it seems to be the lesser of 2 evils.

    Post # 13
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @Mrs.KMM: I agree – participating in purchasing a gift should be VOLUNTARY. I would hand the jar to the person collecting money and sweetly say that unfortunately at this time you aren’t able to contribute due to personal reasons and you appreciate their understanding. And leave it at that. They don’t need to know if your “personal reasons” are financial or because they’re b*tches.

    Post # 14
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would still donate money….I always have. Maybe they didn’t give you a gift or anything at work…but did you invite them to your wedding?  shrug? I wouldn’t expect a gift or anything from coworkers you didn’t invite to the wedding.  It’s kinda like not inviting your neighbor but expecting them to give you a gift or say congrats…it’s a little akward.

    Post # 15
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Oh god, that’s a really tough situation. That was way out of line for them to come BACK to you a 3rd time and write a specific note to push you again to give $. I mean, you should never pressure people in the workplace to give $ for anything, but worse in your situation because of how they’ve been treating you.

    You know actually what Miss Manners suggested to someone in a similar situation is give the jar back to the person who put it on your desk (if you even know who that is, I’m sure they will all deny it) and say “I’m so sorry, but I’ve already declined this twice and I will a third time as i”ve already picked out a different gift for (name of coworker)” You don’t have to say what the gift is, but they can no longer push you to contribute since you have ‘already gotten something’. YOu don’t ever have to materialize a gift and if you’re forced into the shower at work just say Congratulations.

    Post # 16
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Um, you could go with the “I’ve always heard it was bad luck to give presents before the baby is born, so it’s not something I feel comfortable doing.” When I was pregnant, people asked me if it was okay to give me something before Moose was born because a lot of people see it as bad luck. I never understood it. Now I do. Tell them you’re not comfortable with it.

    The topic ‘NWR: Etiquette Situation at work’ is closed to new replies.

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