(Closed) NWR: feeling guilty…

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I just had almost this same conversation with my FI. I’m in your shoes, so I know how it feels. And FI is going to graduate to a cushy job that he loves, and ultimately will make more than twice my salary while being there. He views it as our money and no need to throw more of it away in interest.

While it makes me feel sooooo guilty (I mean, they have my name on them, not his, right? he doesn’t benefit at all from them), he is right–that extra $9000 that we’ll save not paying interest is something that benefits both of us, like a trip to Ireland that he wants or a down payment on a house. 

Just make sure there’s a comfy cash cushion in there for rainy days, and that the money saved benefits you both. I was really against it before, but when I realized that it really will improve our lives to have the extra money, it makes sense.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay first— did you say you have credit card debt? IMO ALL other debt should be paid off (except mortgage) before student loans bc they are generally your lowest interest rate debt. Also you mentioned rent which means you don’t own a house… seems like maybe that money would be better spent on a down payment for a house. 

I guess what I’m saying is, paying off student loans should be pretty low priority in my book. As far as his money vs. yours… you do need to stop feeling guilty about it. You two share finances now… your debt is his. You need to make decisions that are best for you as a couple and the best way to do that is pool resources. 

Post # 5
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree w/ CorgiTales. What is your interest rate on your Student Loans? That interest is tax deductible every year, so I don’t know that paying them all off right now is the best option. Check that out along with consolidations. Paying the high interest ones off first might be better, but you should definitely pay off credit cards before student loans.

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Corgi: Student loans are not necessarily the lowest interest.  I have a private loan and I accrue $400/month (!) in interest.  I would pay them off well before my CC’s that accrue very little in interest in comparison.

@hilsy: I hear you on feeling this way.  FI makes about $35K more than I do right now.  He pays more of the rent and bills because he feels it’s only fair.  After the wedding, we’ll put all of our money together and he’ll essentially start paying part of my student loans. 

The way I think of it is that he’s older and (kind of) obviously makes more money.  Hopefully in 2 years I’ll be making almost that much.  Also, he’s moving up very quickly in his career and mine is kind of at a standstill.  Plus, he’ll reach a salary “cap” at one point, where I will not.  So eventually it will even out.

Post # 9
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Also @hilsy, we’re in NYC too and not looking to buy an apartment for a few more years!  People not from NYC don’t understand this.  They’re like, aren’t you saving to buy a house?  Ummmmm, there are no houses here ;o)

Post # 10
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had this convo with FI recently. I work in publishing and make s**t money and will pretty much never make anywhere near the amount he will. I told him I felt guilty that I was never going to be able to contribute as much financially and he basically told me that it doesn’t bother him at all and to stop worrying about it. I was like, alright fine I’ll spend your money then LOL. But seriously, I’m over it now. He was right – it’s OUR money now, not just his. We do have separate savings, though. I bet you can guess who has more in theirs…. sigh.

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Hubs makes twice as much as me currently, I’m hoping that will change in the next few months!!  He is absolutely fine with paying my student loans for me, he sees it as an investment in our future. Of course you feel guilty, but remember – you went to school to better yourself and get a well paying job that will benefit you both. Who cares who pays for what??  Its your money, no matter who contributes what. 

Post # 13
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@hotchild – are you not counting the gazillion dollar townhouses that no normal person could afford?

Post # 14
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s great that you two are working together to pay them off.  Student loans are one of the hardest debts to get rid of if things go bad (only thing worse is the IRS).  Basically, there is no way that you can get rid of student loans in bankruptcy and it’s best to get them paid off, even if you could claim the interest since it doesn’t really help you out much anyway!

Post # 15
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

@hilsy – if no cc debt and you can’t claim most of the interest on your taxes, then don’t feel guilty! If he has the means, then definitely let him take care of you! Eventually, with that fabulous degree, you’ll be able to contirbute towards everything when it comes time. Plus, you never know what can happen in the future with job security. There might come a point where you have a high paying job and are paying for most of the bills while he’s looking for something else. I think it’s awesome that he’s doing this for you, yet he doesn’t make you at all feel as if it’s a burden. You have a great guy!

Post # 16
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Another benefit is that paying them off will help your credit score.  They will likely look at both of you when you buy a house (unless you’re paying 100% cash!).  So, there is a benefit to him.

The topic ‘NWR: feeling guilty…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors