NWR Feeling Unrealistically Devastated

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Seashells7:  I think I understand a little of how you may feel. 

When my DH and I were engaged, I was still working and making a lot of money, and I had a lot of equity in the house I was selling in my city.  Long story short, based upon what the market had indicated for home sales in my area, and the cost to build a new home in DH’s small town, we were in an excellent position to build an amazing house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in DH’s area.

I was in regular contact with the builder, talking about options and making some minor changes to the house plans, etc. I had my heart set on that house and even began to plan to purchase items for it.  However, my house was on the market for more than a year before it went to settlement, the housing bubble in my area burst, I had to lower the price of my house by many tens of thousands of dollars. (I should note that we could not count on the sale of DH’s house toward the purchase of our new house, because his house required a lot of work before we could put it on the market, and he has children, whom we did not want to uproot until we had moved into a permanent residence.) As a result, my DH and I could no longer afford to build the house I wanted to build. Instead, we ended up purchasing a smaller — but still beautiful — existing house in the same neighborhood.

I wanted to be happy about my beautiful, new home, and I was. Except that I still wanted the other house and its many appealing features, some of which the house we purchased did not have.

I should note that no one else in this neighborhood had ever built the model of house that I had been planning to build. I had only seen drawings and floor plans of it. Well, one day, constuction began on the empty lot right next door to our house.  You can imagine my reaction when I was studying the shape of the foundation and suddenly realized that my new neighbors were building “my” house! Right next door! LOL. 🙂

To be honest, at first, I actually found myself coveting this house, and I firmly believe that covetousness is a sin. I knew I was completely wrong to feel that way. However, it was a struggle for me for a short while, until God began to deal with my heart, and he used my wonderful, Godly husband to correct me regarding this matter. God and my husband both helped me to see that I needed to be thankful for the beautiful home God had already provided for us, and that I needed to let go of “my” dream that was not going to happen, at least not at this time.

I still see that other house every day. And I wouldn’t mind at all if, one day, we had the chance to buy it or build one like it.  However, it’s no longer something that has a hold on me. I can appreciate it for what it is, a lovely home in my neighborhood with a wonderful family who are great neighbors for us. It no longer affects me, and I am very grateful for my own, beautiful home.

I’m know it hurts to lose a house to which you had become emotionally attached and which you had already started to envision as your new home.  However, there will be another house out there for you, one that will become your wonderful new home!  🙂

Post # 4
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Our market on the west coast of CA is in the midst of a mini-boom and there is so much competition. My DH and I bid on two homes and didn’t get either. One had 12 offers, the other six. It does feel a little like being dumped! I cope by thinking of all the things I didn’t like about the house (easy since no house is perfect). We are trying to shrug and move on. Plus I also sort of think, well, God is leading me to the right situation, so if I don’t get a house, that means a house more right for us is in the future! Good luck to you! 

Post # 6
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

When my fiance and I were looking for a new house just over a year ago we had a really short time to find something and take possession and there wasn’t much available. We saw one house that was pretty much everything we wanted, the area wasn’t great but everything else was good. So we made a (super fair!) offer. It was declined and she didn’t even bother to counter. I was crushed!! I was so upset, I couldn’t understand how she could turn down our offer and it almost felt like a personal attack when she didn’t even counter. Then, two days later a PERFECT house came up, it was everything we wanted, in one of our preferred areas, and the price was great. They gave us everything we asked for and met our short possession date.

I know it sucks now and this isn’t what you want to hear, but everything really does happen for a reason! The perfect home will come up for you soon.

Post # 7
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Sending hugs your way. Buying a home will be one of the most challenging and frustrating things you will ever voluntarily do. The whole process is an emotional rollercoaster. We were under contract for, and ultimately had to walk away from, 3 houses. We also fell in love with 2 more houses that were lovely, but were disasters waiting to happen (foreclosures that had been severely neglected). The first time I had to say “goodbye” to a house that I loved, I cried and felt mopey for days. And then I had to do it again. And again. And each time, it got easier. I learned to be emotionally detached from the process. Once I started treating the process like a business transaction (which it is!), I was finally able to let it be. Mr. LK and I took the approach of “whatever will be, will be” and the right house with the right deal fell together with ease. I am not a religious person, but I cannot shake the feeling that we were somehow meant to be in this house. All of the heartbreaks and late nights of worrying were stalling us until this house came on the market so that we would have the perfect timing to snatch it right up. And all of those hard moments in the process just help us appreciate this place even more.

So hang in there. It will be a bumpy road, but it will be worth it in the end.

Post # 8
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell yourself it was meant to be.  I’ve had a couple similar experiences with home buying and have felt absolutely gutted losing a house I loved, but at later points it was pretty clear that it was for the best.

Once I loved a house but my realtor said the asking price was too high.  He did a lot of research and gave me a number he thought was a decent price (not a low-ball).  I offered.  They countered at like $1000 below their asking.  It turned out that they had previously gotten a full-asking-price offer and that meant their home was worth what they were asking.  However, that offer/purchase had not gone through – we suspect because the house did not appraise for that high and the financing was pulled.

I countered raising my offer a bit, but my realtor was very convincing that the house was not worth that and I’d be overpaying the market value which would be problematic for financing as well as resale.

The people countered again at their high price and we could tell they felt insulted by our lower offer, so we let it drop, even though I was heartbroken about not getting the house.

A few months later I ran across an updated listing on that very house.  The owners had not sold it and had lowered their offer to below my highest offer.  So they had carried the house for months plus were now asking less than what I would have given them.  I felt vindicated for my previous low offer!

I probably could have offered again, but I had just found another house, an even better house, at a better price, that I loved.

Another time I was one of multiple simultaneous offers on a house.  The sellers picked one of the other offers and declined mine.  I was again heartbroken because I thought the house was perfect for me. 

A little later I found a house that was basically the same style house, but a few years younger with more updated fixtures and tiles, in a more convenient neighborhood, and the asking price was lower than what I had bid on the previous house.  I ended up offering and getting that house, and it turned out to be perfect for me.

It’s all for the best, just keep telling yourself, and I suspect you will find a house even more perfect for you than the one you lost!  

Post # 10
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

@Seashells7:  yes, this happened to us.. on Valentine’s day last year. I was devastated and actually stopped looking for a house, for only a week though. I got right back in there and 4 months later we had an offer accepted. The waiting sucked and I never believed people when they said “you’ll find something soon”, but it does happen. Glad to see that you are getting back into the bidding on the house you want. When I lost the first house I kept pursuing it 2 more times (when other offers fell through) and even though I still didn’t get that house, I felt much better knowing that I tried everything I could. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Everything in life is a learning experience. Even things that are super hard and stressful that you sit around wondering what the point of it all was. I also firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not obvious.

Post # 12
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsWoW:  I’m in the same market, and I feel your frustration, except mine is my FI.  He wants to buy a house, but he has to mull each one over.  There is no time for mulling anymore, things are staying on the market about 2 weeks lately.  I’ve been so disheartened seeing houses I love go away just because we stalled.

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