- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I haven’t written about my inlaws in a long time, but I’m quite perterbed at recent events and need to vent. I’m not really looking for any advice as DH and I still need to talk this one out and address it. I won’t go into too much detail on backstory with them, but I have several posts on my MIL and the issues we had during my pregnancy. I went to counseling to gather ideas and really truly worked hard to mend our relationship. Honestly, we were doing well. She and I were getting along, and up until Sunday I didn’t have much to complain about.
DS was baptised on Sunday at 9:00a. We had nearly 40 people, which meant we had to borrow chairs and tables from the school where DH works to accomodate all these people in our garage after service. DH and I woke up early to get everything together and get DS ready for church. I asked DH if his mom was actually going to make it on time. He said he had no doubt she would because FIL, SIL (who hadn’t met our son yet), and his grandma were coming with, and they will get her out the door. DH’s parents were coming from an hour and a half away, and they called at 8:45 and said they would be late. To their own grandson’s baptism.
I want to note that, besides the obvious reason, this bothered us because my extended family had a 4 hour trip and left at 3:00a to make it to the baptism on time, and they made it with half an hour to spare, but my in laws couldn’t make it from an hour and a half away…
They walked into the church just as the baptism got underway. Church ended, and I wanted to get a few pics. DS was getting fussy, so I really wanted to hurry. I made out a list of pics beforehand. After we were done, MIL complained to DH that she wasn’t going to get the pics she wanted because I was rushing us out. He told her she just had to take them at the house because we had to get the food out and DS was fussy. She kept trying to pry, but DH just brushed her off. I mean I have a screaming baby at this point who wants out of his outfit and to nurse. There will be plenty of time to take pics once he’s fed and changed.
Immediately upon coming in the first thing my SIL says to my BFF is, “They got a kayak? All this time they wanted a boat, and they got a kayak? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.” She spent the whole day bitching about various things about our house (this was her first time visiting). My BFF said thank God the grass was green or she would have bitched about that too. I got DS changed and fed, and he was feeling content in my arms after that. DH’s grandma comes up and rather than stick out her amrs and say, “Let’s have him come to great grandma” or ASK to hold him, she literally grabs his arms to start pulling him out of my arms, which I wasn’t prepared for. As I leaned away from her, I said, “Excuse me, he’s happy where he’s at right now.” She looked at me with a very stern look and said, “I’m his great grandma, and I won’t get a chance to hold him with all these other people around.” I said, “I want to hold him for now. Go ahead and enjoy lunch and after that I will make sure you can hold him.” I wanted to minimize people trying to eat pulled pork and potato salad with my son in their arms.
He needed another diaper change, so I went into the house, and afterwards I just held him and talked to him because he was smiling at his room. MIL walked by and said, “Oh you’re in here hoarding the baby.” As soon as I walked outside, his grandma said the same thing, “OH! You’re hoarding the baby and hiding him from us.” I just ignored them. After they got done eating I gave DS to DH to take over to his family so I could eat next. They spent an hour taking pictures. I couldn’t even talk to DH because they wanted him in all these pics. I wasn’t included.
Here is where the day really took a dive in regard of my inlaws. MIL wanted us to open her gift. Now, to her credit, she did NOT stop the party like she normally does. My family was under the impression that we were going to open all the gifts, so they told everyone to be quiet. MIL gives us a cross-stitched pic with DS’s name and birthdate in it and her name stitiched in the bottom. I don’t know if she expected us to all to make a big production, but she was upset that we didn’t give a bigger reaction when she came around to shove the gift in everybody’s face. Not only that but she said, in front of everyone, “I started it when you guys told me you were expecting. I’m not done with it, so I am taking it back, and YOU guys will have to come get it when it’s done.” What the actual eff? You’ve been working on it since August, and you give it to us unfinished and then take it back? And then say WE have to come get it?
THEN…Monday DH left for Chicago. My parents, being the AMAZING people they are, said they wanted to help us clean up the garage, put food away, dishes, etc so we could just relax together the rest of Sunday. My WHOLE FAMILY helped out. My cousin with a baby sleeping in one arm carried pitchers into the house. My uncle, who had a bum leg, carried all the gifts upstairs. My dad, my cousins, and DH scooped up the confetti from the table and carried tables and chairs to be loaded into the pickup.
My 4 year old cousin even carried a chair at a time to the pickup to help out.
My in laws? Didn’t move a muscle. They couldn’t even be bothered to take their plates and cups off their table and throw them away.
My FIL spent the whole baptism party sleeping on our couch rather than spending time with all of us out in the garage, and once my mom and aunt came in to do dishes, he left for outside. My MIL, DH’s grandma, SIL, and FIL all stood in a circle with DS in their arms watching the rest of us work frantically to tear down everything. I got pissed off because they are always expecting us to go to them and do everything for them, and the one time we asked for help they just stand there doing nothing but watching. I went inside to vent to my aunt and mom and my MIL came around the corner and heard everything and stared me down for a few seconds before moving on to the bathroom.
You’d think after hearing me complain, they would help take the chair and tables back to the school to unload them? Oh no. They just left alltogether. They were going to stay and come into the house, but I said, “DH, we need to bring all this stuff back to the school to unload, so we should start saying goodbye’s.” They said they goodbyes, ignoring me the whole time, and left. Me, my mom, DH, and my dad went to unload everything while my brother and his SO watched DS.
I understand nobody had an obligation to help out (and we didn’t expect anyone to as we were under the impression we would do it ourselves until my mom said they would help), but really? If I see everyone moving tables, chairs, food, dishes, decorations, etc I am going to help out. I guess at this point I can just say thank God for my family for being so kind and generous with their time. It’s embarrassing that my inlaws were late, rude, and didn’t help out. DH was embarrassed for his family after everything. We need to talk about it further because it is bothering both of us still, and we will need to see MIL and FIL on the 13th at a wedding. Thanks for listening, Bees.