- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
http://www.americanexpats.co.uk/
Have you looked into something like this? My daughter's IL's moved to Australia and ended up staying there for 6 years, and found and made many great friends by getting in touch with ex-pats. Maybe worth looking into?
So sorry you're feeling this way. What a stinky situation! I hope it gets better! Just keep on doing what you're doing?
Did you go to a college/university at some point that might have an alumni association with a group in london that might sponsor events occasionally?
I have no real advice but I just wanted to say I can imagine how difficult that must be and hang in there! I think it is just one of those things that will take time, eventually you'll make friends through his coworkers, your eventual job, they might be able to introduce you to people, etc. Maybe you can even get involved in some kind of volunteering or a hobby of yours and meet people through that. I am sure that things will turn around eventually, I think it is just something you have to wait out for a bit. In the meantime, at least you can stay in touch w/family and friends easily w/email and all that.
Good luck, I hope things get better for you :)
I don't know what city you live in but there's lots of "meet ups" online. Like "meetup newyork" or meetup london. Check out meetup.com. It's been helpful to other friends overseas (although their biggest problem was the language barrier, you already speak english!).
@joy2011: My university does have an alumni group here, however there is something wrong with the website so they don't have United Kingdom as a valid country (they have Unknown instead).
And the only way to get the alumni group e-mails is to have an address in that location. So until they fix that, no e-mails.
@Seaside: I'm hoping I may meet some people through horseback riding, but it'll be hard at first because they require I take lessons by myself first to judge my abilities. I will look into volunteer work as well. I just don't want to start volunteering and get trained, just to leave because I got a job. I feel like that is unfair to the organization I'm volunteering for.
Haha true, I do already speak the language. I've always been a bit wary of MeetUp and other things like that. But maybe I'll have to go out of my comfort zone a bit.
@smyley: I will check that out. I don't like how you have to pay for most of the boards though. But I guess it's better than nothing.
Sorry youre feeling this way. :(
Have you considered joining some fitness classes?
You mentioned you like working out, so maybe joining a xfit or yoga class.
Also check the local library, there may be postings up for book clubs and such.
What about signing up for classes of some sort, like a wine-tasting class or cooking class? Go to Borough Market on the weekends... you'll find some of the vendors are really nice and it can be something you look forward to. You might meet some people there! Another thing I loved to do was scour the secondhand bookstores for really old (1800s) novels for under $5. I've got a little collection going and it's really fun!
I've been thinking about you--I hope you are settling in well!
@tranquility: Yeah, I'll look into classes. I was going to wait on that because most companies here have deals with local gyms. So I didn't want to join one and then have one provided by my work.
@Miss Longcoat: I do like borough market and have gone with my DH before. Weekends are easier because DH is around. I will look into classes and maybe wandering local neighborhoods/bookstores. I think I'm just having a hard time self motivating and it's easier to stay home then do put myself out there and do something.
I'm sure it'll get better, I'm just having a rough time right now.
Aw, sorry to hear that. :( What about something like meetup.com? (Not sure if it extends to the UK). I found that to be a pretty good way to get out and meet people/try new places.
I can very much relate to some of your experiences! Before I met and married DH and moved to another state to be with him and his children, I had a wonderful, full life with a fabulous, well-paying career in a major metropolitan area; was actively involved in a vibrant church; had decades-long relationships with numerous friends; and was very used to, knowledgeable about, and very comfortable with my environment.
After almost a year of very difficult transition, where I lived and worked in both states and had to deal with the logistics of selling and buying homes, packing, moving, and long-distance commuting between these areas each week, the stresses of becoming a stepmother, and having a husband in a high-profile position in the community, etc., I suddenly found myself living full time in my new environment, which is in a rural/small-town setting hours away from any major city. My current activities are centered on my life at home (laundry, dishes, cleaning, taking care of our pet and our family) and life at my new church. Although our church is filled with wonderful people, most of them work during the day (as, of course, does my husband), and so I am by myself quite a bit. I also have yet to find any type of similar career opportunity here. Because our economics are different than yours, I do apparently need to find some type of reasonable employment to help with our family budget, as we have been going through our savings at a somewhat alarming pace.
Even though my circumstances are somewhat different than yours, I know that what you are going through is an extremely difficult adjustment and transition. And your changes even involved moving to a new country! It is very normal to feel somewhat "lost" in your new environment. Unfortunately, for us to have gained these new lives that we have, we have had to let go of our prior lives, and that, in essence, involves the death of a major portion of our former identities. And, where there has been a death, there must be pain and grief, even though I'm sure that you have great joy as well, at the excitement of your new life with your DH.
I just wanted to post a comment to let you know that some of us do understand and can relate to some of what you're experiencing.
Aren't there bees on here that you could make a bee-get-together with who also live in/near london?
@atalante:Some of my best girl friends I met through a bookclub meet up. And I just moved 4 hours away from everyone and my job and am in the same boat as you...feeling totally isolated right now. But I started a meet up myself and we'll see. Just be patient with yourself. It takes time. But as long as you're being proactive, you'll find a group of people soon!
Oh...also Skype with your girlfriends. I used to meet up with one girl every Tuesday for wine, we still do sometimes, just via Skype. You might have to be up early/late sometimes, but I think it'd be worth it!
Try taking some clases to meet new gf, like yoga or knitting lol
@atalante: There is a UK MeetUp, I will browse a bit and see if there's anything coming up to go to. Most of the events are evenings and weekends though which is when I have things to do with DH, but I guess if it helps me meet people it's a good thing.
@Brielle: Thanks, glad to know I'm not alone, but I am sorry you are feeling this way as well. It's also hard because we don't have our furniture or our cat right now. The furniture is still in customs and our cat can't come over until next month. Having more of our stuff here will at least help this feel like home.
@joy2011: I know there are other UK bees, but haven't seen any other London bees lately. I'll keep an eye out for them though.
@MrsProf: Thankfully I have unlimited calling to the US on a VoIP phone, but with the time difference it's hard because when I'd call they'd be at work (or still asleep). But I will try and schedule some phone/skype dates with friends back home.
aw! This is so sad!
I bet you meet friends through horseback riding. And good for you for going places during the day! I bet it won't be long before you meet someone to talk to at the local pub while you are doing thank you notes or when you are at a museum.
I second the PP that suggested taking fitness classes. They are also a great way to meet friends.
I totally can relate! My FI and I moved to southern California over the summer. I found a job pretty quickly; however, it took me a few months to build up my hours. Also, the "in person" aspect of my job tends to happen at night and on weekends. So I spent most of my time for the first couple of months that we lived here by myself. I worked out at the gym, ran errands, did household chores, went on long walks, etc. I found ways to occupy my time -- but not necessarily my mind.
What helped me: I joined a book club on meetup.com. I too was a bit hesitant about using this website, but I have really enjoyed the meetings so far. Minimally, it's nice to see and interact with new people a couple of times a month. I also started taking more group exercise classes at the gym. My next goal is to find a running club with some women my age. I'd also like to eventually take some cooking classes.
I am new to the message boards on this website, but I find that they are helpful as well!
@soyjoy222: DH and I are acquaintances of the manager of our local pub, so she and I chatted a bit yesterday. But she's super busy at the pub most of the time, so I feel bad hanging out there all the time taking her away from work.
Fitness classes seem to be a common suggestion, so maybe I'll look into it.
I think bookclub and soem kind of class is teh way to go for sure. It works everytime. I know meetup.com might seem a bit odd, but it really is the easiest way to meet a few people without being obliged to see them again if you don't get on. I'm going to be in London in a couple of months, I will definitely reach out to you before I come. Chin up, it'll get better.
Ugh, making friends after a move can really suck. You're definitely not alone there.
I think the best thing you can do is make yourself as busy as possible. Obviously the horseback riding... even if you're not meeting people (which you probably will over time), you're still doing something you love. Definitely look into volunteering - maybe something that doesn't require as long a training or lead time and that you can continue doing if you end up working.
We've made most of our friends since our move from NY to CA through ultimate frisbee - if there's a sport you want to play (obviously, I recommend frisbee, but more people are familiar with soccer or other sports), find a group for it. Yeah, it'll probably be mostly evenings/weekends since that's when more people are free, but it's a great way to meet people without the baggage of being coworkers.
Try to meet people from online. Weddingbee or any other sites that you particulate in and feel like a part of a community. It seems weird at first, but I've actually met a bunch of my friends this way. Do you read TheHairpin (if not, you should!). People on there are organizing a whole flurry of meetups.
Be busy, and be patient. I've found that it takes me about a year of hanging out with people (coworkers/frisbee players/whatever) until I really feel I'm friends with the group. I've known people who can go from seeing people casually to calling them up for plans much, much faster but you've got to REALLY be outgoing and put yourself out there for that to happen. Also, remember that everyone goes through this.
@KatNYC2011: I feel your pain! I moved five hours away from my closest family and friends right before the wedding. The first few months weren't bad, because I kept in touch with everyone making plans for the wedding. After it was over, I was a little depressed and lonely throughout the day.
While I do have a job here, I nanny for two boys, so I don't really have the built in network of co-workers to befriend, so it's been kind of lonely.
Meetup.com is a great suggestion, as is fitness classes. I was so wary of Meetup and generally hate meeting strangers (unless I'm about 3-4 glasses of wine in haha), but it's been great so far. I haven't made any friends so to speak, but generally like some of the people.
@KatNYC2011: ANy available openings at the pub where you have a contact? Pubs can be a fantastic part time job while you search for something permanent and a terrific way to meet people. Half my friends are people I met during bartending gigs. Just a thought!
Sorry you're feeling lonely, but give it time. You're on a fantastic adventure right now. Sign up for some local classes and frequent those pubs!
@KatyElle: She did have me answering the phone yesterday they were so busy. Next time I'm in I could ask if they have any part time openings. I've never bar tended (or worked in restaurant service before) so I'm not sure I'm qualified, but I can probably manage pouring a few beers.
I'm also going to scope out the horseback riding opportunities around here and see if there's a way to turn that into a job of some kind. Even if it's unpaid, getting to ride for free would be fantastic (since I mostly would be working to pay for my riding).
I am in the same boat as you though I am not yet married and wedding planning is not taking as much time since it is a year away. I moved from NYC to Vermont (not as big of a change as you did obviously) but I had a great job, tons of friends, lots of activities, and basically was doing very well. Once I made the decision to move with my fiance, I also quit without a job offer in hand because I wanted to have time to transition. I am lucky in that so far I have been quite happy and settled here and am enjoying it. In fact, I find I rarely have time to relax because I made myself so busy doing activities. One thing I am still looking for are friends and people to hang out with but my fiance is in the same boat and we enjoy spending evenings together with each other so it hasn't hit either of us as hard to do that.
I recommend meetup.com too but even better is the idea of gym classes. I have yet to do that (we have a gym in our apartment complex and the times I go are when most people are at work so no luck there) but I love the idea of a yoga or a pilates class to meet other women -especially as those classes do tend to attract more women.
Also, I lived in the UK during my college years and I found that my first month was really hard for me and I was so homesick. But after that, I made friends slowly and found my routine and loved it. Are you in London? I am so envious as my dream was always to move and live there! But I understand what a huge change this is for you so my recommendation is to give it more time to settle in. :-)
Good luck!
@jujubee421: I am in London and I know there is so much at my fingertips here, it's just always easier to explore when you have someone to do it with. I definitely will look into MeetUp.com and see what groups are near by.
I did go horseback riding today which was nice. It was fun to do something "familiar". Didn't love the barn or instructor, but at least I've started my search.
I'm going riding on Sunday with a girl who works for my old company here in London. So at least it'll be a semi-familiar face.
Got a call today on one of the jobs I applied for, unfortunately it's a 1 1/2 hour + commute outside the city, so it's not the best fit, but at least my resume is being looked at and considered.
@KatNYC2011: I wish I had some advice for you. I can only imagine how you feel. I've only moved an hour away from everyone I know and I definitely know the lonely feeling. I even cry some nights over it. It's made me extremely attached to FI which I absolutely hate. Anyways, I hope that you do find a job soon to keep you busy. Maybe you'll pick up a couple of hobbies to keep you busy for now. (hugs)
I totally feel your pain on this. I have been living in London for 2 years while getting my masters degree. Of course now that I am finished most, if not all of my friends have gone back to their respective countries. I am staying because my bf (future fiance) lives here. I haven't found a job yet so I spend a lot of time alone if I am not with the bf.
If you ever want to get together for coffee or lunch let me know. I have heard that another good way to meet people is to join the Junior League of London.
I'm a longtime lurker on these boards, but felt compelled to reply after seeing your post, as I'm in the exact same situation as you. I'm originally from Chicago, met DH whilst he was visiting from England, moved here after getting "secretly" married (planning on having a 'proper' engagement very soon, followed by a formal wedding) two years ago. I gave up my job in Chicago when I came here, unable to transfer just like yourself, asssuming that I could find something within a couple of months. Maybe it's just the field I'm in, but I've had several failed interviews over here. Upon finding out that I don't have previous UK work experience, I'm not an ideal candidate for any "big girl jobs" it would seem. I've done some waitressing work and am now looking into retail work, but at this point have been a bit more lazy in applying for real jobs as it's a somewhat demoralising.
Like you, I haven't really met any good friends of my own over here. DH has a large group of friends, and I get along with them well enough, but it isn't the same as having my own network. I've met people that I get along with, but it seems like everyone is set with their own group of friends, which makes me miss my friends from home even more. It seems increasingly more difficult to make friends the older you get.
Anyway, just as CaliGirlinLondon said, I'd be happy to meet up and go shopping or hang out if you'd want. I'm pretty much alone most weekdays as well. Maybe us London based girls all create our own little meetup group considering we're all in the same boat, haha.
Just saw both your responses (I know I'm late in seeing them).
I'm sorry you are both going through the same things.
Are you heading back to the states for Christmas? Or are you staying in London?
A London meet-up group of sorts could be fun, maybe after all the holiday madness dies down.
@KatNYC2011: Just noticed this post! I've just gotten back from my Christmas trip to the states, so maybe we should try and plan something for all the London girls on here since the holidays are over. Hope you had a lovely Christmas and New Years!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 64 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| Mrs.KMM | 40 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 40 |
| beargoose | 38 |
| ndreighton | 38 |
| Gemstone | 31 |
| BetterSherm | 31 |
| stardustintheeyes | 29 |
| Beckster329 | 28 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MerryWidow | 5 |
| 2PeasinaPod | 3 |
| cardnasac | 3 |
| MrsMagnus | 3 |
 vorpalette |
3 |
| Sunfire | 3 |
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 3 |
| smyley | 2 |
| jo.lee | 2 |
| Sasha2011 | 2 |
Beekeeper
DH and I got married last month.
1 week after getting married we moved to the UK. He's been working here for the past 5 months or so.
I quit my job about 2 months before the wedding because they couldn't transfer my work to the UK.
So after the 2 months of business leading up to the wedding, the wedding being surrounded by family and friends, and a week after the wedding with DH around all the time I'm now finding myself alone during the days.
I know no one here in the UK and I'm currently looking for work but getting nowhere. I've applied for multiple jobs and haven't heard anything back yet.
I've tried to get out and do things. I went to the Natural History Museum on Monday and sat in my local pub yesterday for a few hours for lunch and to write thank you notes. Tomorrow I'm going horseback riding for the first time in a while so hopefully that will help.
But even with doing sight seeing and other things, I'm really missing contact with people and especially my friends.
I'm keeping in touch with them via e-mail and am speaking on the phone with my parents once a week, but my only real contact here is my DH.
I'm just not sure how to make friends without having a job. I've spent time with DH's coworkers occasionally, but as they all work for him (and are all male) it's hard to foster my own relationships with them.
My days really consist right now of sleeping in, watching tv, working out, going to the grocery store, doing laundry, cleaning, and cooking. I'm really happy and thankful that we can afford for me to take my time in finding a job and find something I want to do and because of that I'm really trying to make sure my DH is happy and I take care of all household chores.
Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to reinvent myself and make friends in not only a new city, but a new country without any of the normal outlets for making friends (school, work, etc).