- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I seriously feel like I’m a middle schooler with this problem.
I definitely have some social anxiety problems. When hanging out with some people, I feel like I can’t say or do anything right. I always feel like I will embarrass myself or cause people to not want to be friends with me. I’ve also had a hard time accepting invitations to do things with people. Therefore, after being turned down so much (or, as a kid, missing out on things so much because of parent issues), the invites would stop coming. I can understand that, in some respects.
However, when I become friends with certain people, I can see myself getting possessive. When a new person comes along, I get so afraid that they won’t want to be my friend anymore. I end up cutting myself off or something happens where I’m not friends with that person anymore.
I’m trying to actively change this. I have gotten to be close friends with one of my co-workers (I’ll call her Jane). We’re similar ages, we get along really well, everybody knows we’re good friends. Jane also didn’t seem to ever want to hang out with people after work. She wanted to enjoy time with her husband (we seemed to have fairly similar social things going on). Another girl has started hanging out recently. At first, Jane didn’t want to hang out with Ellen (the new girl). She thought she was pushy, she wasn’t trustworthy. Then, Ellen was insistent on hanging out with Jane outside of work, so they did once.
Now, they do things all the time. THey live close together (whereas I live at least 20-30 minutes away from them), so it does make it easier. It’s not that Ellen has been rude to me. She’ll talk to me, but she doesn’t really hang out with me, by myself. We’ve had some shifts at work, and Jane hasn’t really been talking to me much anymore (we won’t be working in the same department anymore). They will talk about plans in front of me, but I never know if I should speak up and see if I can do things or whatnot. I feel like they’d invite me if they talked about it in front of me. I’m not the best at reading social cues.
I’m feeling hurt because I’m losing Jane as my friend. I also kind of want to be more in “their circle”. I’d like to do things with them. I know I don’t have to go every time (but it’d be nice if there was a time where someone else wasn’t included that wasn’t me). I’ve also wanted a group of “work friends”, so I’m trying to be really accepting. I’m just struggling with boundaries and how I should try to make myself more known in the situation.
Any advice? I feel so juvenile bringing this up, but sadly, it is something that I struggle with. I know that I need to do something to help the situation and I have a role in this as well. I’m just struggling to figure it out. Thanks in advance.