Post # 1
I have absolutely no idea how to deal with my family. DH thinks (and I guess I do too-) that the best way to deal with them is to practice tough love, and self preservation. It is just really difficult for me. Today my mother left me an angry message, “why don’t I make any effort to fix our relationship, and why don’t I call and get to know my (half) little sister (who she always uses on this front) again?”
First of all, they all have a lot of problems. I could write a book. Bipolar, controlling, abusive. Extreme financial crises. They aren’t married any more, but both experience these things in the extreme. My mother acts sweet and then purposely hurts people to control them. She spent her husband’s two million and fled the state. She has been married 4 times. My father lives with his brother and my old grandfather. Neither of my parents work and are unwilling to. Mainly, they are a bad influence on me and fill me with guilt. I never feel good enough for them and I am trying really hard to make my life take a positive turn. I think staying away from them is best, but it is difficult, because I want a family- but a decent one preferably. I don’t think there is any hope for things getting better, they never have. I just have to find a way to cope. I would really like to throw my phone in the river and move so they cannot find me… This is just really really hard.
Post # 3
Wow that’s tough. I don’t know if I would want to be around them much with all the guilting and saying that you aren’t a good enough daughter. And I don’t know much about them but I worry that they will get close to you and then beg you for money later when they don’t have anything.
Post # 4
I vote for self preservation. Get a pay as you go phone and tell your parents this is your new number. If it rings you will know it is them so you can screen your calls.
Adopt your man’s family as your own. You can have your own family one day without all the drama.
Post # 5
MissAsB I worry about that too. I think I need to stay strong and not listen to their messages, and take care of myself.
julies1949 Yeah. That is what DH says too- we are our own family and we can have our own someday. Glad we have each other!
Thanks. Just posting made me feel better. This is tough!
Post # 6
I think you already know the answer! This isn’t a family. And if you and FI have a family of your own, do you want them subjected to this? ACtually, you and FI are a family already…and to keep that healthy, you need to remove this poison from your life.
I think next time she asks you why…you tell her exactly what you told us.
And some therapy might help you deal with the issues. It can be a vcery strengthening experience.