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I think you did the responsible thing for your family. You put your daughter's well-being first, and she will understand that.
I'm an only child and I have had times where I've resented it. Most of my issues came because my parents moved us to 8 different houses (and 8 schools) and I had no one to be with me every step of the way. That was very lonely. But honestly, most of the things I disliked about being an only child could be easily remedied with paying special attention: helping your daughter get involved with other kids her own age, etc, to give her confidence. I've found that throughout my entire life I've migrated towards adults because that's who I felt comfortable with. I never related to kids my own age, even all my friends were about four years older than me until I was about 16 or 17.
I do love the sense of independence being an only child gave me. There are pros and cons to it, but by no means did you screw up your daughter's life! Don't be hard on yourself for being a caring, responsible parent.
Don't feel guilty about this! It sounds like you've been through so much financially, and honestly I think you made the right choice by not having a second child when you couldn't afford it.
I am not an only child, but my FI and one of my best friends both are. They are both very independent and socially well-adjusted...being an only child does not mean that she's going to have a miserable life! FI actually liked being an only child so much that he wanted to have 1 child himself.
If she's lonely, can you put her in more activities, arrange playdates with other kids, etc?
I was an only child too. Honestly, I didn't hate my parents for it, but I did end up spending a lot more time with adults than most kids my age and was able to mature faster. This really has helped me now to interact with people in my classes or coworkers that are older, since I was interacting with my parents at a young age.
@girlswitharing she is in dance school and gymnastic school. we also live now in a street full of kids and two or three times a week she plays with the kids.
we spent a lot of time with her but still give her alone time because understand that she cant get use to get all the attention all the time, that brings a lot of problems in school.
Why the guilt? Why would you feel bad -- you've done all this and raised a healthy daughter, despite all the challenges. Why would you feel bad about your circumstances? Besides, if you had another child, there are no guarantees. What if she & your daughter fought constantly and had a destructive, acrimonious relationship, would you blame yourself? What if you had another daughter who also ended up so sick that it compromised your way of life? Of course it could end up happily, too, but my point is that you just can't know.
I'm an only child, and it was great for me. I don't resent my parents, in fact I was super close to them; I'm very close to my mother and always grew up with a more "adult" perspective. I would not have had this same relationship with her if I'd had siblings. My mother made sure I was not one of those "spoiled only children" (she was loving but strict! :) so there was no issue there.
We're fine about it, but I wonder if it's a cultural imperative. I have had many people from other cultures who tell me they think being an only child is a weird thing. It just depends on your point of view.
Sure, it would have been fun to have a sister, but my mom made sure I had plenty of playmates and social interaction as a kid. My mom also wanted more but couldn't have them, but she's thrilled with our close relationship. I can't imagine life any other way. :)
I am an only child. I asked my parents for a brother or sister only once. They told me I'd have to share my toys. I didn't ask again and I've been very happy as an only child ever since.
But seriously, my parents aren't loaded and the fund that I used to pay for part of college and part of law school wouldn't have stretched to 1/4 of what it did if I had a sibling. And that would have really negatively impacted my freedom to attend the best school I could. Use your energy to give your one child the best you have.
I'm an only child, and it is an experience in itself. I honestly can't say that my childhood was more or less lonely for the fact. I did want a brother or sister desperately, until I was about 12. What I do know is I had a never wanted for anything.
Having my parents attention and love was far more important than having a sibling, because a sibling would distract from me, and possible have caused financial strains on my parents.
If you want to have another child then you should try, but not for fear of your child resenting you. If she's that kind of kid she'll just end up resenting you for something else (j/k).
I don't think you made a mistake. You did what you could in your situation, there isn't anything you could have changed!
If you feel strongly about having another child, could you consider being a foster parent or adopt (I would suggest doing this when your daughter is older)? You could always be a court appointed special advocate (CASA).
It's not like you had so much control over the situation. You did everything you needed to do to help your daughter thrive, and that is a beautiful unselfish sacrifice that you made.
She will certainly understand (at some point) that having a biological sibling wasn't possible for you (so far). I second the idea of adopting if that is at all interesting to you, but you don't need more than 1 child to have a beautiful and loving family for your daughter. Please don't beat yourself up about this!
I have two half siblings that are waaaay older that me, and we never lived or did much together, so I consider myself an only child. My mom had four miscarriages, two before me and two after me. She eventually gave up and had her tubes tied. I don't remember being too lonely, but my parents were really good about making sure I always had a social life. I was always hanging out with friends, having slumber parties and involved in lots of activities. Don't feel guilty! She's going to be just fine and no, she won't resent you. Just make sure she gets lots of social interaction with her peers.
There is a ten year age gap between my brother & I, but we're very much siblings. He's 14 & we bug each other & bicker like we would have if we were 2 years apart! If you do get pregnant or adopt a child, I think your daughter would be even closer to her baby sibling because she'd get to play "second mother". She'd help you take care of him/her & she'd teach the little one lots! :)
I don't think you've done your daughter a disservice by waiting. Like others said, you've been responsible & she won't resent you! Don't feel guilty... you're a caring & loving mother who wants the best for her child. That's more than a lot of children have!
i say keep trying, you never know what will happen. i know tons of couples who were "trying" for YEARS and they just gave up and then it happened...
as far as the only child thing, im one and i honestly dont like it at all. the way i look at it is that when my parents die, im left alone in my family. i do have a step brother, but its not the same, i have no one to be upset with and cry with and spend time with about my dad or mom dying but me. yes i have my FH and he is closest one to them besides me so it will be very upsetting and i will have him, but if i had a sister or brother, they would understand.
since i was an only child i matured A LOT faster than most. i was always hanging out with my parents and their friends so i just grew up faster ya kno?
good luck!
Don't worry! I don't think your daughter resents you at all. I know it is upsetting to hear her say she is lonely and to see her playing by herself, but you really did the responsible thing by getting back on your feet and going back to school! That is very honorable and by doing that you are going to be able to give her a better life. Having a brother or a sister for her to play with is not as important as being able to provide for her needs. I'm sure she will be able to understand that someday, even if you don't have another child! BUT you said she is only 7 years old, right? I'm not trying to pry but are you still able to have children? If so, then eventually she might be able to have a sibling. Either way, as long as you give her the love and affection she needs, she is going to love you regardless.
Are there any activities outside of school that she can do to be around other kids her age? Maybe a playgroup that meets somewhere or gymnastics or a summer camp or program at the library for children? That would be an idea and a way for her to interact with other kids so she won't feel so lonely.
I am the youngest of 5 kids AND I am the only girl. All of my brothers are older than me by at least 10 years (I was a late-in-life baby for my mom). My mom was a single parent & I always felt lonely but she did the best she could for me and would always let my friends come over to play, etc which helped me to feel better.
I don't think you made any mistakes. It sounds like you are right where you should be in life!
I am an only child and I'm fine :) even though FI jokes about how only children turn out. My mom had an awful, painful pregnancy with the potential for not being able to walk afterward, and then I was an emergency c-section. You can imagine she didn't want to go through that again.
Definitely get your daughter involved in activities. I did gymnastics and dance and music lessons and never felt lonely. I also don't think I had any social problems. Your daugher will be fine and you absolutely should not feel guilty. To the contrary you should feel good for making the huge sacrifices you have made and still considering possibly going through that again for her. My mom and her sister were 11 years apart - they were still quite close - if you happen to get pregnant again your children will still be siblings and have that bond.
THANKS GIRLS, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MY FI AND I TALK A LOT. WE LOVE HER SO MUCH, SHE IS OUR LIFE. WE DO EVERYTHING FOR HER. WE ARE THE ONLY ONE IN BOTH FAMILY WITH ONLY ONE CHILD AND THE FAMILY KEEP BOTHERING ABOUT IT. THEY SAY AWFUL THINGS. I KNOW THEY DONT WANT TO BE HURTFUL BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE A BAD IDEA ABOUT ONLY CHILD. WE WANT THE BEST FOR HER AND TRY TO TEACH HER ABOUT BEING INDEPENDENT AND LEARN HOW TO BE HUMBLE. WE DONT GIVE HER EVERYTHING SHE WANTS AND WE ARE FAIR WITH THE SITUATIONS.
THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THE GREAT COMMENTS
I LOVED being an only child. My dad with my stepmom had a daughter when I was 10 years old but we lived 3,000 miles away.
Till this day I could NEVER be bored because I do so well on my own.
Don't feel bad! You and your husband acted like responsible parents! My brother and I are 8 yrs apart and I have to say that I appreciate my time as an only child. Your daughter will soon have tons of friends she'll meet at school!
Like Miss Pizzelle, I don't get bored! Growing up alone made me appreciate alone time and a sense of independence I don't think I would have gotten if I had siblings closer to my age.
Is it possible that your daughter will be upset because of the choices you made at some point in her life? Of course. But it's equally possible that she would have been just as upset with any other choices you might have made. :) It's hard to say what 'would' or 'could' have been, because you really can never know that.
I have an older brother, and I used to wish and wish and wish and wish for an older sister - obviously not possible (who knows, maybe someday he'll even get married and I'll get a SIL!), but in ANY kid's life there is always the chance for a 'the grass is greener' perspective. That doesn't mean it actually would be better, or that they're not happy.
I'm an only child too! It was teh awesome growing up. I had plenty of school-age friends as a child and grew up into a well-adjusted adult. It's true what others have said about being an only child: only children mature much faster and interact with adults better and at a younger age. Since I was used to playing alone as a child, I've grown into an adult with an active imagination AND I have none of the qualms most of my friends do about doing things alone -- I go to movies and restaurants alone, join new clubs and groups out of the blue -- honestly I wouldn't think twice about only having one child.
Also, if your families are bugging you about having another child, that's seriously none of their business and you should tell them as such. I don't know what it is about people today that they think they can just nose their way into your private life. And honestly? If they won't stop after a polite reminder, tell them that you've been trying unsuccessfully for years and that it's a touchy subject. I promise you they'll quiet down after that. My FSIL had trouble conceiving and finally after much pestering by an annoying relative, blurted out that she'd miscarried and to please stop asking her about when they were going to have a child. That relative shut up good and fast and re-thought her manners.
don't feel bad, my sisters are 8 yrs and 11.5 yrs older than me...you'd think they'd be close & I'd be left out, but it wasn't like that...I probably get along better w/ both of them than they do with each other.
So, hopefully it will still happen for you!
I'm not an only child but my cousin is and we grew up together. I know my Aunt and Uncle tried to have another child but it never happened. My cousin is a couple of years older than I am and he's like an older brother (even though I have younger brothers). Our parents would take turns babysitting us as kids and we would often both end up together at our grandmother's house after school. You mention being the only one with one child, maybe spending more time with her cousins would give your daughter the "siblings" you desire for her without putting your health at risk.
I really enjoyed being an only child. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
I am an only child too, and my parents are my best friends. Please don't let this make you feel guilty about anything as you did the right thing by putting your daughter and family's well-being in front of your desire to have another child. She will understand and will not harbor any ill-will for something you did in an effort to give yourselves a secure, healthy and happy family life.
I was an only child until I was about 14. I honestly was a little bummed, I got jealous of people with siblings but I was never resentful of my Mother. The funny thing is that the friends I had with larger family's were jealous of me! Not having siblings doesn't have to negatively effect someones childhood. My Mother always had be enrolled in some kind of activity. Seriously, everything I expressed even a little interest in, I was involved shortly after. And that provided me the socialization I was looking for.
My daughter is an only child at my house. She has two siblings at her dad's house, and will have two step siblings once I get married. She is very well adjusted. However, she does have times when she complains that she doesn't have anyone to play with. At those times I try to give her some extra attention and also try to encourage her to find something fun to occupy her on her own.
I don't think your daughter will resent you. As the others have said, you have done the best thing you could do for her considering the circumstances. She will know this eventually and will love you for that all the more!
I have two close friends who are only children and both of them are very well-adjusted and always seemed very happy to be only children, so I don't think it's necessarily something that does any harm. Good parenting is so much more important than family size. Anyone who is making you feel bad about only having one child is WAY, WAY out of line.
I'm an only child and while there are things I am wistful for about having brothers or sisters, overall I wouldn't trade my situation for the world. I have really close relationships with both my parents, and I have close friendships with people outside my family. I agree that, with only children, it is more important to make sure they have opportunities to form close and lasting relationships with friends or cousins, but it is not a bad thing! My parents have been able to give me so many opportunities that they could not have afforded if I'd had siblings.
I saw your post and it made me so sad that you are feeling badly.
I was an only child and I (think!) I turned out just fine. 
I never blamed my parents or anything like that.
If you guys want to add to your family, don't let your daughter's age stop you. I'll bet she'd love to have a little brother or sister to dote on!
HTH, and please don't beat yourself up, you've done the best you could and that is all anyone could possibly ask!
There is a 11 year age difference between my children, so it's definately not too late.
And even if you dont have any more children, I am sure your daughter will be a lovely well adjusted person knowing that her parents love her.
That's what she'll remember, she wont feel cheated she didnt have a sibling, she'll feel blessed she had all your love.
:-)
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my fi and i comes from big Puertorican families. i got pregnant after a year living together. it was a huge surprise for us because the doctors always told me i wasnt able to conceive. my daughter came healthy but after two months she started having a lot of health issues. we spend 11 moths straight in the hospital, she had five surgeries, countless blood transfusion, we sold everything we own to pay the medical bills and ended up living with the inlaws and no money. when she got better we went back to collage and and started again. we wanted one more child but put the idea in the back burner because of studies. now my daughter is seven and an only child. i feel so bad when i see her playing alone, when she ask for a brother or sister, or when she say she feel lonely. we been trying to get pregnant for the last three years but nothing happen. even if we get pregnant now she still will be like a only child because of the age difference. i feel so guilty for the choices we made. but at the same time i feel like we didnt have an option.
does any of you are a only child?? do you resent your parents for it?