- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
My brother is a mentally ill alcoholic. Also a genius, and loving and brilliant. Lacking common sense but genius.
He’s been in prison for the past 7 years for his 2nd DUI. He was in prison before that, and before that. Long story. All related to his mental illness and alcoholism.
He is 9 years older than me, and I am 39. He had a big part in my upbringing, after my parents divorced, since my mom was always working, and after work often dating/partying.
When he married (at age 18) I became a latchkey kid, He’s super messed up but we are also super close. It’s confusing and complicated, but he’s always protected and looked after me in his own f-ed up way.
My mom is crazy and mean. She wasn’t always crazy and mean, well always a little crazy, and pushy and controlling but just in the past 2 years or so she’s added alcohol to the mix. She broke her hip 6 years ago and doesn’t get that mixing her pain pills with alcohol is not working for her.
She’s also caring for my grandmother full time, who has alzheimer’s, and my mom is big on being a martyr so even though my grandmother’s income fully allows for it (Mema is the wife of a deceased Air Force Lt. Col), my mom would rather DIE than hire help and instead goes on and on all the time about how she shouldn’t have to hire anyone since family should be helping her.
My brother got out of prison mid March, and has been living in a mobile home my mother owns in another nearby town. He was doing okay at first, but my mom absolutely treats him like a child for fear of him doing something “stupid” and then goes beyond that. In the time since he’s been out she told him (in front of my 18 year old son, btw) that she wished she’d aborted him, and that he is evil, and so forth.
My brother has been going to AA meetings but keeps telling me that MOM makes him wish he was back in prison!
Long story short: last night he went to her house, to ask her for money, and he was drunk, so she said to him that he could either go to bed or leave, so he left, but not after lots of nasty words, and they both behaved horribly. During that ordeal he called ME and I could tell he’d been drinking and told him so, which made him mad at ME.
Now today my mom is worried he will do something crazy, that he might be suicidal, that he might take off out of state (he has all his stuff at her mobile home), and she wants me to go talk to him, because they cannot have any kind of civil conversation.
I am disgusted with them both. I had held out hope that he’d be at my wedding. Now I have no idea if he will make it in the real world that long.
All my life, my own issues or problems were overshadowed by my mom having to deal with him. In and out of jail, costing money in legal fees.. in fact, when I was 13 he got SHOT in the middle of some bad business and died on the operating table and was hospitalized for six months, and so I got shipped off to my dad and stepmonster so she could go be with him.. which of course I can see why it was all necessary but FOREVER I have been expected to put aside my own thing, or “be good”, so as not to cause her any more worry than he was already causing.
Now it’s happening again, and I blame them both, and I’m just sick of it.
My mom is so nasty I could just distance myself and probably be okay with it. My brother is so freaking tragic though, it’s harder.
I don’t know why *I* am always the only one keeping it together.