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Ok, wait...hear me out first.
The hubs and I get personalized Christmas cards printed every year with our picture and a family update written on the inside. 95% of our family and friends are either non-religious or celebrate Christmas so we choose to write "Merry Christmas" on the cards in place of "Happy Holidays" or "Seasons Greetings." Not to get all preachy or anything (so not trying to go there, just trying to explain where we're coming from) but we are Christians and it's important to us to not dilute Christmas (by leaving any mention of it off our card) in our own small way. I get this whole issue could be avoided with a more generic greeting but we prefer to go with the actual Christmas cards.
However, at the same time we have some very important people to us that celebrate Hanukkah and I want to acknowledge that as well. I get I could send them a separate Hanukkah card but I don't want them to miss out on the pictures and update in the Christmas-themed card. What should I do?
Is it offensive/insensitive to send them a Christmas-themed card? What would you do? I could send a note with the card explaining I understand they don't celebrate Christmas but I didn't want to leave them out? Is there a simpler/easier option I am not thinking of? Would you just order more generic cards next year and avoid this whole thing?
I should also note that getting just a few cards printed with a different theme is sort of cost prohibitive so that's why we didn't do it that way. I hope you Bees can help!
I think you should send them as is. I highly doubt any of your non-Christian friends will find a Christmas card/greeting offensive. I would maybe just handwrite a "Happy Holidays" on your update as well. No biggie.
Write a personalized happy hannukah note on the inside? they know you're christian and celebrate christmas, and the card is FROM you, so it makes sense.
I've sent Christmas cards to Jewish friends and had my note say something along the lines of "hope you have a wonderful Hanukkah/holiday" I don't think it's a big deal - if you acknowledge it, they'll chalk it up to the Christmas card rather than you that's insensitive.
You should order non-Xmas cards specific to these individuals and just say Seasons Greetings. I know Christians that don't celebrate Xmas because it is not in the Bible and they live their lives strictly by Bible principals. In any event, I celebrate Xmas (non-religious) and I just send them personalized Seasons Greetings cards so not to offend them.
I think most Jewish people are very used to receiving Christmas cards. I wouldn't worry too much about it--chances are they will appreciate the sentiment, as would you if they sent you a Happy Hannukah or Happy New Year card.
My fiance is the only one in his office who is Christian; the rest practice Orthodox Judaism. But, they still go to community events geared toward Christmas/Santa and bring their kids. We sent them a Christmas card, which doubled as our Save the Dates! I would love to get holiday cards from other traditions!
I think it's totally fine for you to send the cards with a personalized "Happy Hannukah" note on the inside - they're your friends and I can't imagine they would be offended. I would be happy to receive that kind of note.
That said, by choosing to "not dilute" Christmas and sending out your personalized cards specifically wishing people joy for the Christian holiday, you are definitely making a choice and a statement. It sounds like you're aware of that - as a Jewish person it would be clear to me that you are making an expressly Christian statement to all the people you know with these cards, and a little Happy Hannukah note won't change that (and it sounds like you wouldn't want it to, and that you wouldn't be willing to change to a more non-denominational message).
I am not saying there's anything bad about your choices at all, just that yes, on a broader and more philosophical level, non-Christians at this time of year are very aware of the kinds of messages different people send about their holidays (ranging from the most religious to most non-denominational). For me, these cards do emphasize the clear difference between me (a Jew) and Christians choosing to send Christian messages which I take as seriously when I receive it as they do when they send it.... That said I have a lot of Christian friends that I love, and I understand where they're coming from. I guess I'm rambling... the bottom line is that I would not mind but I *would* notice! ... and there are some people who feel left out of the big Christian majority this time of year and it would bother them... but I would trust that you know your friends :)
I can't imagine there are a lot of Jewish people that would get really offended over a Christmas card. At this point Christmas is so much of an American holiday that most people will expect something like that.
@ LatteLove - In some ways it is an American holiday, and in some ways it isn't -- for MrsSpitzer, I hope I'm not too forward in saying, it seems that it is about the birth of Jesus Christ, whom she believes to be the son of God. Again, I'm not judging anybody's choices, just pointing out that for a lot of Jewish families - even those with tons of Christian friends - there is a lot of discussion about how "American" Christmas is or isn't, and how to teach their children about the holiday season and why they don't get a Christmas tree, etc, etc. IMO it's all about being respectful of each other and making conscious choices, and I'm sure MrsSpitzer has Jewish friends who love her and would be thrilled to get a Christmas card, and it sounds like she's being incredibly thoughtful about the whole thing, which is great! But it would also be clear to them that she is sending a specifically Christian - not generically American - message. And again, I am not judging that at all, just saying that a message can't be BOTH Christian AND non-denominational. The best thing everyone can do is make their decisions consciously and with care for each other :)
I'm not Jewish, but I'm non-religious, and I don't get offended when I get Christmas cards, just irked I guess. I would much rather get a card that says Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings, but I appreciate the sentiment even if it says Merry Christmas.
Send them as is. Tons of non-Christian folks celebrate Christmas and are not offended by cards in the least. A number of Jews aren't offended by receiving cards either because they know that not every shares their beliefs, nor do they expect anyone to.
Ugh, we deal with this too
My boyfriend and his whole (LARGE) family are Jewish, I am converting, and my (tiny) family are Catholic. We sent 'Happy Holidays' cards, but I know for a fact that if my boyfriend and I, or anyone in his family received a Merry Christmas card they would not get offended. I'm sure the people to whom you are sending cards to know that YOU celebrate Christmas and will be totally fine with receiving a Christmas card!
Although it does bring up another point...would it be as acceptable for people who celebrate Christmas to receive Hanukkah cards? Does that ever happen?
Hope that helped! ((HUGS))
My friends and I had a "Christmas Dinner" complete with a Christmas gift exchange in high school; out of 12, there were 2 Sikhs, 1 Jew and 1 Hindu. And several Atheists. I think most people don't see it as a religious push to send a Christmas card.
I know if my Jewish friends sent me a Hannukah card I would love it just as much as if my other friends sent me Christmas cards. But maybe it's different for me to say that, because they are in the minority and I am not??
As a Jewish person I would not appreciate it. I think a very simple and easy solution is to just send those few people a different card wishing them Happy Holidays. Include your update and photo. It won't be professionally printed but everyone loves handwritten cards, it won't cost too much and with only a few people shouldn't take too long.
Your reasons for going with Merry Christmas instead of something more generic is completely reasonable but it means you should not send it to people who aren't Christians. IMO. That's a reasonable trade off, if you celebrate the holiday in a religious way then you're excluding some people from your celebration because they don't share your religion. Nothing wrong with that.
Sending them the card though is you displaying privilege. It's saying my religion is so dominant in the U.S. that I think it's appropriate to send religious cards to people who don't share my religion and they should happily recieve them.
I guess feel free to send the card. As a non-christian, I still like getting photos and updates. I don't particularly enjoy being wished a happy holiday I don't celebrate, but I wouldn't cross a person off the friendship list. It just strikes me as irksome that I would be on the receiving end of someone else's political/religious statement. I don't send out greeting cards with an agenda, I just send them to share heartfelt sentiments. When did being nice to one's friends become the forum for that kind of expression?
Anyways, I don't mean to harsh out on you. The holidays are tough on religious minorities, so it is hard to sympathize with your dillemma when you know you could avoid it and choose not to for reasons, I should admit, I don't understand. We all have lenses, and mine are just tinted towards being a little defensive this time of year, which isn't your fault. But you should know that feeling is out there, and your choice will strike that emotional chord.
Though, still at the end of the day, I want the card with the photos and the update. So take it with a grain of salt. 
I actually know a lot of Jewish families who would be pretty offended if you sent them a "Merry Christmas" card and you knew they were Jewish. I wouldn't be offended, but I'd be annoyed at the insensitivity of it. I know some people have this feeling that saying "Happy Holidays" is diluting the holiday, but it has more pagan roots than Christian ones and it's not in the Bible, so I'd try to step off the soapbox for this one if you want to send your well wishes and season's greetings to Jewish families. It would just be a nicer thing to do, and I see no reason why it should compromise your principles.
As a Jewish person who received Christmas cards all the time, I can tell you that I dont mind (but that is my person opinion and obviously doesnt reflect how other people would feel). I am getting Christmas/Holiday cards for the first time this year with DH (who celebrates Christmas). I felt funny having Merry Christmas written on every one of them since some of my family is Jewish so on 2/3 of them we put "Wishing You a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidys" and on the other 1/3 we put "Wishing You Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year"
If you are ABLE to do a Happy Holidays card I would say go for it or maybe just get a few different store bought cards for your friends that are Jewish. Otherwise maybe just sign the card "Happy Holidays", "Wishing You a Happy Hanukkah", etc so you are acklowdeging they celebrate a different holiday?
Like a few other posters said, I would handwrite "Have a wonderful Hannukah" or something like that. It acknowledges the point without belaboring it.
I have many many Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist friends. I always send them Christmas cards and Divali/'Eid/Buddha's Birthday etc. Facebook greetings...they do the same. It's never ever a problem. Multiculturalism means sharing each other's special events not hiding them.
like others have said, I think handwriting a happy holidays or happy Hannukah message would be a good medium. Being Jewish, I just kind of roll my eyes when I get Christmas cards--it comes across as less thoughtful/personal--like, "wow you don't even know I'm Jewish." I don't feel offended, per say, but I also don't feel like it's very meaningful, and I think the point of sending holiday cards is to send something personal. it's like it discounts your purpose, sort of...
I have gotten mine done at Walmart before and I could always get ones that are for Hanukkah. So my family was able to have what holiday they celebrate. Would you be able to get some printed that are that way but still include all the other stuff?
My ex bf is Jewish & he said that being wished a "Merry Christmas" is just a normal part of his December. He doesn't fight it anymore lol, he usually just says "You too". It's just easier.
I voted not to send the card. I think you should just send them a Happy Hanukkah card... Christmas doesn't mean anything to Jewish people & its enough that they see Christmas related stuff for months before hand. I just think it would be a nice gesture to recognize their religion & give them a Hanukkah card. Sure they'd miss out on the photo, but they'd be tickled pink that you were thoughtful enough to recognize their religious beliefs.
my fi and i are both jewish. i personally don't mind christmas cards, i understand that it's a hassle to buy a special card just for us, and i think it would be fine just to write a special "happy chanukah" greeting on the card that you already have. however, my fi hates the christmas cards and thinks that it's very rude when people give him a christmas card, he thinks people should go out of their way to buy a chanukah card for him. that said, it obviously does offend some people and i think your best bet would be to do the "happy holidays" card. you can write your own merry christmas and happy chanukah on the cards to personalize them.
Personally, I would just be happy to get a card, I love getting greeting cards, I think they're a nice gesture :) I wouldn't be offended if I received a "Happy Hanukkah" card... but maybe that's just me?
As a jewish person I have to say that I'm not offended when I get a christmas card but I a highly annoyed. I always just roll my eyes and say "urgh don't they know I'm Jewish?" I pretty much agree with Arachna and Snowflake on most points so I won't go into it all over again.
But just to add, if you send out card that say Merry Christmas specifically to celebrate what you believe is the birthday of the son of god, why would you send that to someone who clearly doesn't believe that? If you just want to wish those people peace and love at this time of year, clearly a happy holidays card is much more appropriate. I would never think to send a Happy Passover or Happy Roshashana card to my non Jewish friends because it doesn't mean anything to them.
I think you need to send your Jewish friends a separate, perhaps store bought card, and include the family update and photo. That will be a lot more meaningful to them than receiving a Christmas card, (which will just make them feel and think that you just sent those cards automatically without thinking who you were sendign them to).
I get a stack of Season's Greetings card and write a personal note acknowledging Chanukah. I only have one Jewish househould though, so this is easier for me to do. However, my thoughts are that when you say "Merry Christmas" you are actually wishing that person to have a "merry Christmas" and since Christmas is one of those fundamentally big differences between Christianity and Judaism... well, I would be annoyed if I were on the receiving end.
Judgement call though - you know your Jewish loved ones and how they should react.
Note: I've never in my life said I was annoyed at such cards or implied it or in any way let a person in real life know I don't like it. So FYI just because as far as you know "it's never been a problem" doesn't mean that people aren't annoyed. It's not a deathly insult or anything of course, but annoying.
I'm not offended when I receive Christmas cards, but I am annoyed and certainly prefer the more generic cards. If I were you, I would print some cards with pictures that are more generic and then print out the letter as well. Some extra picture cards from Costco are a small expense to avoid offending anyone.
Let me prefice this by saying that I am Catholic, but do have many Jewish friends. I have sent them Christmas Cards, but have written messages inside which specifically state that I hope they have a wonderful Hanukkah and New Year. I've received Jewish holiday cards and it doesn't bother me. I don't care what religious my friends are and if they send me a holiday card from their own faith, its fine with me.
Seeing as how there are a few Jewish bees who have responded saying that they were offended when they have received these types of cards, I am now rethinking what I should send out. I hope I haven't offended any of my friends.
My (Jewish) husband said he would not be offended or annoyed by a Christmas card but that he thinks some Jewish people would be annoyed and maybe offended.
I think the safest thing to do would be to get some generic cards and print out your update on nice paper to include in the cards for your Jewish friends.
Do you know if your friends are orthodox/reform? I feel like orthodox Jewish people might be more likely to be offended.
I think at least some of this might be regional?
I grew up on the east coast and have lived in NYC for 12 years or so... schools and work celebrate a lot of Jewish holidays here. It's hard to explain, but the Jewish experience is a huge part of New York... I couldn't imagine sending Christmas cards to my Jewish friends on the east coast.
But on the other hand, I hear things are really different on the west coast... Bee grew up deep in the city of Los Angeles, and she mentioned once that observance/awareness of Jewish holidays was much lower. I was so shocked! But I looked it up, and I grew up in Northern Virginia where apparently the Jewish community is around 17% of the population... and then moved to New York, where that number jumps to 20%+:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Jews
Since the Jewish-American community makes up around 2% of the total population nationwide, I could see it being less of a big deal in certain areas to send a Jewish friend a Christmas card. I think expectations change when a group makes up one in six people, versus one in fifty...
I agree with Spaniel. As another jew - I would not be offended, but annoyed. If a person is close enough to me to send me pictures and an update, I would hope that they would be close enough to wish me a happy holiday and new year....not a merry christmas. The majority of my friends take the time to select a Chanukah card for me instead of a Christmas card. I'm glad that they think of me during the holiday season and happy that they recognize that I celebrate the holiday season a little different than they do.
I'm not Jewish but FI is, and he says it would annoy him. Quote from him "You don't need to change your card to accomodate Jews, but you could maybe get store-bought Hanukkah cards and insert a photo. It would take more time, but worth it if these people are important."
Hi!
I'm a Muslim and tho I don't celebrate Xmas,I won't be offended if I receive a Xmas card. For us, or me at least,it's a colourful holiday with loads of festive goodies. Perhaps it's bcause I'm from a multi-racial/religious country. Drg Chinese New Year & Mooncake festivals,I join in the fun by sending my friends cards via facebook/e-cards.
However,it is just my opinion. My elders wld probably be offended tho. I think it's a matter of how open each person is to others' faiths & celebrations. Do a bkgrd chk if ur Jewish friends are open to such before sending ur greeting cards. Otherwise, I agree Season's Greetings wld suffice.
=) humbly urs,lala
@mr. bee: when I moved to San Francisco from the east coast, I was also shocked by the difference. No one knew when the High Holy Days were.
On the general topic, I agree with those who say that getting a few generic cards and just inserting a photo should not be cost-prohibitive, and would demonstrate that you are senstitive to the issue, which I'm sure your friends would appreciate, even if they wouldn't actually be offended by a Christmas card.
@Mr.Bee I've lived in LA for the past 17 years and while I agree that there is definitely not as large of a Jewish population here as in New York, I still think it is very large and accounted. I went to a private Catholic High School and we had Jewish holidays off because there were so many Jewish students in the school. Same thing for my Jesuit law school. And of course at work we have them off as well. My best friend loves to tell the story of how until she was 12 she thought she was Jewish because almost everyone at her school was and her mom would host holiday dinners. I do have to say that I have a lot of Jewish friends so many my view is colore by that. But overall, I do think that LA has a very visible and influencial Jewish culture. Heck, half of the entertainment industry is Jewish.
Good question! I'm Jewish and wouldn't be at all offended by a generic-type card that said Merry Christmas. But I would be annoyed if the card had an overtly religious message, like a cross or a bible verse. Growing up, some of my friends used to quote John 3:16 in my yearbook or try to convert me and it was seriously irritating!
@Meowkers - Sorry, didn't mean to downplay LA's Jewish community! By total population, LA is the second or third largest US Jewish community overall! It's behind only NYC and (depending on your source) Miami.
My earlier stats were using a percentage basis... on a percentage basis, LA County is just under 6% Jewish. That ranks it as the 30th largest Jewish community in the US, on a percentage basis.
Anyway just pointing out that regional differences in population representation may account for some differences in cultural expectations!
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