NWR: Introverts

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

little1:  In our case I’m the introvert and he’s the extrovert. It took a while to get used to how each other was feeling and why we didn’t react the same way to things like college parties. I mean, I can have a lot of fun going out, but interacting with people is draining for me, where as it’s energizing for him.

Post # 3
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

My FI definitely likes socialising less than me so I just arrange to do stuff with my friends or go visit people for the weekend etc while he stays at home and works on his paintings. Usually if it’s visiting family instead of friends we’ll both go. It works for us as it means he doesn’t have to be more social than he likes and I don’t have to sit around waiting for him to leave his studio to do stuff.

Post # 4
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

This is something I found on Pinterest a long time ago and I find it to be quite accurate.

Post # 6
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

little1:  we are both relatively introverted although my SO is very social when he is out in public and hanging out with friends. I’m very shy and reserved unless I’m with someone I know very well. It works out well because we usually enjoy just hanging around at home with each other. He occasionally hangs out with friends, and I will usually just stay home and have my own quiet time. That works really well for us. We’ve also recently started going on double dates with a couple we know, and those have been fun. 

The reason it is so hard for an introvert to go out and be social is because it is both physically and mentally exhausting. I am seriously drained even after just going to dinner with the other couple. I have friends who are always out and about. Their weekends are 100% full from the minute they wake up until they go to work the next Monday. I can’t even imagine going out to breakfast with friends if I know I have somewhere to be even at noon LOL. We introverts just need time to rest and recharge a little bit!

Post # 8
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m fairly introverted and my husband is an extrovert. It’s not ideal, but we manage just fine because we try to understand each other. I’d say about 1/3 of the time when he wants to go out I’m totally fine with it and enjoy myself too. Another 1/3 of the time I don’t want to but I go anyway because I know building relationships is important to him and he enjoys it and I don’t want it to seem like I don’t love our friends. Usually we compromise and go home earlier than he’d like to, but still at a respectable time (so like, if it’s dinner and drinks w/ friends starting at 7, maybe we’ll leave at 10 or 11 whereas he’d rather be out till 2) About another 1/3 of the time I just stay home and let him go by himself or (very rarely) ask him not to go at all.

I try to be a good sport because I do think seeing friends and going out is important. But at the same time my husband doesn’t expect me to do things I’m not comfortable with. I don’t drink alcohol and I’m much more of a morning person than a night person, so going out to bars late at night is NOT my thing. It’s totally his thing, or at least was when he was younger. We make it work.

Post # 9
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I just looked at that infographic. I think it’s a little negative and extreme, but has the basic idea. I’d modify it to say that it’s not that we find socializing exhausting. We do like to give our energy to other people. We don’t feel like it’s wasteful. We love people. But we just need time away by oursevles to recharge.

I’ve also found that many of us are GREAT at one-on-one or small groups but freeze up when it’s a big group. So if you want to connect with an introvert, get them alone, even if that’s just making side conversation with them while you’re in a big group. Don’t rely on us to start small talk. Engage us in something and we’ll happily interact. I LOVE talking with folks, just can’t do it in big groups for long. It’s intimidating and tiring. But a one-on-one is much more enjoyable.

Post # 10
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m quite introverted and my FI is, I’d say, a nextroverted introvert. He LOVES hanging out with his friends and he has a lot of them, but he doesn’t like being around the public/going to crowded stores. That last part may not be considered extroversion, though.

We are both very open-minded so it works out just fine for us. I understand where it can be stressful for couples though, the extroverts probably think the introverts dislike all their friends/family/etc, but that’s likely not the case. For me, socialising is an extremely tiresome activity for me.<br /><br />A perfect example is today. I was extremely stressed out at work, and FI asked if I wanted to come play video games with him and his friends (I love video games), but I said I just needed time to relax. I didn’t want to be around people I don’t really know (his friends) as it would only stress me out further. I don’t dislike them, I just can’t charge my batteries around other people; I’m fine with my FI though. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

little1: If he is having down time, you could always go out with your friends on your own. There is no rule that just because he doesn’t want to go out that you can’t either. To me, that would eliminate the strife. 

Post # 12
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We’re both introverted, him moreso than me. We’re both happy cooking dinner together at home and watching a movie. I feel like going out more often than he does, but it’s not enough to be an issue.

Post # 13
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

little1:  I’m an only child, as well, and I’m introverted. My husband is very extroverted. I find that I’m not necessarily as sensitive to being around people, as much as I am sensitive to stimuli. My husband gets antsy sitting in the office all day, so he goes to the gym for a couple hours after work. Sometimes I just tell him to go visit or hang out with people without me if I’m too tired. He gets his social outlet and I get my down time.

Post # 14
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

My husband is extroverted and I’m an introvert. 

I value intimacy. Intimacy is not to be found in large groups, at “activities”, in bars, at parties, etc. I love getting together with my friends one-on-one or in small groups (us and another close-friend couple, for example). 

It’s when I’m in a position where I’m either bored (and have to PRETEND that I’m having a good time) or annoyed (and again, have to PRETEND) that I start to get really uncomfortable. If I meet a new person under these circumstances (and this is a key point!!), I automatically don’t care for them. I have to remind myself “if the first time I had met NewPerson it was at coffee, just the two of us, I probably would have gotten to know them and really LIKED them.”

I say that’s a key point because if you want your husband to like your friends, introduce them one at a time, at low-key events like dinner, or going to a basketball game, or something. It’s weird to use the word intimacy for something like this, but your husband might be like me, and automatically doesn’t like people that he doesn’t share at least a little intimacy with. And by that I mean, personal conversation. People act different in groups, because [imho, as an introvert] in a group setting everyone is jockeying for attention. 

What’s awesome about our setup is that my husband is 100% okay with doing things on his own. Especially if he just wants to hang out with one of his dude friends anyway. I go along to BBQ’s and what-not, and I’m actually thankful to be with someone who pulls me out of my shell a little bit, but I like that I don’t have to feel obligated.

Oh yeah – do not make your husband feel like he is “lame” or whatever, for not wanting to go out. I’m sure you don’t do this, but… just don’t. Ha ha. 

Post # 15
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How does your FI feel about staying at home while you go out? My husband is not quite an extrovert but he isn’t as introverted as I am so he enjoys going out a lot more than I do. We’ve come to an understanding about weekends and he will usually once during the weekend without me. 

I don’t really know how to explain why it’s so hard to be social. I mean, I’ve always wondered why it’s SO easy for some people to be social… I just feel exhausted after making an effort to speak to people that aren’t my BFFs.

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