(Closed) NWR.. Is it ok to be completely different to your mum?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@ERsax:  I’m not the daughter my mother envisioned either.  And that’s okay.

 

My mother was the meek, dutiful daughter to her parents.  She was scared of upsetting her father until her 50’s when he died and to some extent she’s still scared him.  I can think of a few times that I was thrown under the bus to not cause conflict between her and her father.  She expected that her daughter would be the same way.  What she got was a strong-willed, stubborn, free-spirited daughter who could care less “what the neighbors will think.”  I thought that she was weak and she thought that I was selfish.  Even now, it’s not so much that we don’t get along, but more that we just don’t talk much even though she lives next door.

 

I think that a lot of women have mother issues.  But if everyone became their mother then the world would be a scary place.  You can’t let your mother dictate your decisions.  She’s lived her life, it’s time for you to live your’s.

Post # 4
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my.. this DID ring a bell. It’s absolutely OK to be different and thankfully i am!!!!! I would hate to even immagine that i may resemble my mother in anything..which is pretty awful and sad to write about. Sure, i get it i am a little like her on some things but i will try my best to avoid being like she is (and i know she would never, ever understand what i am writing..). I am my own self. She did her choices and i make mine. Each of us have a choice..and we’re all unique!!!

Post # 5
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

 

I strive every day to be completely different to my mother.  

My mother was the atypical doormat (her word) of a wife to my father.  She didn’t work, didn’t learn to drive, and moved wherever my father wanted to go (we moved over 20 times before I was 15 – he was a diplomat).  She sacrificed my childhood to go along with what my father wanted…both my health and education suffered.   My father promptly ditched her for a younger model when I was 21.   My mother forgot that she had got along with what he wanted quite willinglly and has now spent the last 23 years talking trash about him at every opportunity.

She is the most bitter person I have ever encountered.  She doesn’t have a good word to say about anyone, and takes anything that I do that doesn’t involve her as a personal attack or slight.  

I’ve told my brother and FI that if I even start to resemble her, they can shoot me. 

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