- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Tiny bit of backstory….So, my parents were separated in Dec 2010 due to my mum being unfaithful. After that happened, Mum’s while outlook on life changed and she because very different to the woman who raised me – like she had a personality transplant, and i no longer recognised her. i moved in with my dad for 12 months, and then i moved here to the US for school in Jan 2012.
Mum and I have had a strained relationship (at best), we don’t speak often and we clash on a lot of things. Much of this she doesnt actually seem to realise and is of the opinion that we have a great relationship (like we used to) and acts accordingly – posting on my facebook, emailing, skyping etc etc, but the problem there is that most of the time, she’s disagreeing with me about things. Especially on facebook where she publically calls me out on things in a way that makes me look selfish and feel like i need to send her private messages explaining myself to her.
E.g When i post status updates or whatever on facebook in particular, I write with a lot of sarcasm/satire which most of my friends know how to interpret. Mum seems to not get it and often makes backhanded comments that make me look bad to others, when really i am just having fun/making a joke.
I guess what I’m trying to figure out in my mind is whether I should be respecting my mum’s opinions and see the things she says as a way of keeping me in check (as mothers traditionally do. This also involves me continuing to bite my tongue when she says something that hurts me), or if I should just “man up” and call her out on her crap. My heart seems to keep wanting to believe she is the same person she used to be, but my head knows she changed in 2010 and they don’t really want to agree with each other.
I have an incredible BF who wants to marry me in the next 18 months, an awesome dad, wonderful friends and now another family (in my BF’s family) who treat me like a part of their family, with love and kindness and who look out for me, who don’t see me as selfish and who like the person I am. I love the person that I am and the people who I have surrounded myself with, I just don’t understand why I seem to be the opposite of the woman who raised me.
I’m not sure if i’m making sense here or not, but if anyone knows what i’m talking about and has been through it, i’d love to hear some advice. I’m worried that I’m going to end up in a position where I’m confused about who I am because of mum’s words and comments. Is it ok to be the opposite of a woman whom you admired as a child and modelled yourself on, but who has changed so dramatically that you now don’t recognise her?
I feel bad that i’m not the daughter she wants me to be, but I love the person I am in the place that I am and so am conflicted.