Post # 1
So, 3 years ago my best friend from highschool was killed. The short version is that my friend’s brother got into a fight with 2 Marines at a bar. The fight continued outside, and one of the Marines stabbed my friend to death.
My friend was one of the best men I have ever known. He was so smart, a college athlete, and my best friend for my junior and senior years of highschool. We were completely inseperable. He took me to my senior prom, and I had a HUGE crush on him. He was an incredible person.
I miss him so much, and I had such a hard time after he was killed that I almost didn’t finish my semester at college. Now it’s been 3 years, and while time heals all wounds, reading testimony from the trial and hearing about pieces of evidence that are being introduced (his blood stained clothing) feels like they are ripping my heart out of my chest.I felt like I had put that away, and now it just makes my heart break all over again.
You never realize how cruel and sensational the media can be until you are on the other side of it. I’m just having a really hard time this week and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.
Post # 3
*hugs* its a cruel world sometimes. My dad gave me an interesting perspective when my cousin committed suicide about 5 years ago.
People are on this earth to be with you for a certain time, wether its for a good or bad, or to be there for that moment to share. Just when someone is gone and you thinking about the negativity of it all remember not to loose the values that he taught you and to remember the good times. (it took me a year to not stop crying over my cousin, we were super close, almost like brother sister best friend.) and whenever I think about all the negativity I just keep in my mind that my cousin would want me to hang in there and perservere with life.
Loss is a hard thing to get through and opening wounds isnt easy. Be strong girl. Lets hope justice prevails.
Post # 4
What a terrible thing to have to go through. I am so sorry that you have to relive this nightmare all over again. I know there really is nothing that can be said to make it better but my deepest condolences to you and the to family of your friend. He sounds like he was a truly wonderful person to have had in your life.
Post # 5
ccranetobe gave some great advice. I am so sorry for your loss and the emotional hardship of having to relive his death through the trial. I hope that justice happens and a conclusion is reached that allows you to move forward while never forgetting your amazing friend.
Post # 6
Today has not been so good either. I know I should stay away from the newspaper sites that go into all of the details but I just can’t stop reading. I am trying to do damage-control about his reputation and then I get sucked into the story. Today I had to read about how his eyes were rolling back into his head when the cops arrived. Basically he was DOA. The clothes he was wearing, what his last words were, all of these little details feel like I’m being punched in the stomach.
How have any of you dealt with a death or painful event that keeps getting brought up? Its been hard to leave this one in the past.
Post # 7
Oh hon! I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I’d say to avoid those sites, but you already know that. Just know that we Bees are here if you want to talk!
Post # 8
I had a friend that was carjacked and murdered about 12 years ago. I still think about him so often. And even though his killers were brough to justice and convicted it still haunts my mind. Occasionally I stilll google the articles about the arrests and trial because they are the last “news” about him. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Post # 9
I had a good friend who was killed violently 12 years ago, and the news was without a doubt the hardest part of it all for me. ON one hand, I felt like I was trying to hold onto any little piece of information as a way of hanging on to him. On the other hand, once you see something, it can never be un-seen.
There is no answer, I;m afraid. No “tip” on how to make it easier, no helpful advise.
He still comes to visit my dreams from time to time, and that is comforting, but it has taken a lot of time to get to this point.
If nothing else, I sympathise with your situation and send you my thoughts and support. Be strong and know that the only people’s opinion who matter are those who knew and loved him. The papers will always try to sell papers. Many times they will throw someone’s reputation under the bus to do so. It’s a sad shame.
Post # 10
can’t you just ignore the case until there is a verdict…?
Post # 11
I don’t think the fact that the case is going on can simply be “ignored” whether or not she reads the transcripts I’m sure this is still going to be a hard time for her no matter what.
I’ve never lost anyone dear to me, so I can’t completely relate, but just the thought of losing one of my dear friends breaks my heart. I’m really sorry for your loss and that the trial is making you revisit such an awful time. 🙁
Post # 12
yes, but knowing all the details about what went on that night won’t help either.
Post # 13
Oh goodness, this is terrible. I can say that I sort of know how you feel, but not exactly of course. One of my best friends’ husband was killed in Iraq. His helicopter was shot down by enemy fire. When it crashed, they pulled him from the chopper and took video of them setting him on fire. They then detailed this entire encounter through the media. My poor friend and her 8 month old daughter was mentioned in every single article that detailed this account. It was horrific. I couldn’t believe the insensitivity of the media. It just makes you sad that they don’t respect the privacy of the family at all.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s ridiculously difficult to re-live everything. To help you through, talking to a grief counselor might help. Even though it’s 3 years later, it doesn’t matter….that grief is still there and is bubbling up as you’re reading all the news pertaining to this. I think it would help you to just get it all out to someone. And of course, you’re welcome to vent here too. It just helps to talk it out, even if there’s nothing that can be done.
I pray that there’s justice in your friend’s case. Hopefully this person won’t be able to harm anyone else. Try to stay strong and really consider talking to someone.
Post # 14
Oh honey I’m so sorry. It’s really hard when the media starts bringing it all up again. They really can be the worst thing at this painful time. A few years ago, they tried to make an example out of my brother’s car accident and while i was away at college and able to avoid that, it infuritated my parents to no end and was so hard watching them go through that. Sometimes I wish the news would just disappear =(. I know my mom felt compelled to look up his accident online and I know it scarred her to physically see it. She was hysterical afterwards. We had someone actually volunteer informaton to us that the jaws of life were needed to get him out or how he was actually found in the backseat, where the bruising was located, etc (I had to deal with the coroner as my parents were out of town)….stuff like that sticks with you, man, so I can only imagine what sort of details you’re reading that is messing with your head, especially with something SO violet. Sadly, it’ll always stick there with you but it’s not always avoidable. I haven’t been able to google it myself, though. I’m sure my imagination is worse, though.
I hope justice is served and some closure is reached. It’s not quite the same as it was a few years ago, but it’s still difficult to move past. Then again, I sort of have the conclusion you aren’t ever meant to move “past” stuff like this because it rocks your foundation. My heart goes out to you.
Post # 15
One of my mom’s friends (who was also a good friend of the family, I babysat her kids often) was murdered by her husband several years ago. It was very painful, especially because a lot of things were brought up at trial that no one knew about (apparently, he was also abusing their daughter, and gross things like that). After he was convicted my mom and I and a few other of her friends got together and wrote notes to her, telling her anything we wanted to, and then had a sort of second “memorial” service for her. We had a bonfire and burned the notes, because that is suppose to make whatever wish you write down come true – so we took it as a way to have our notes get to her in the afterlife (if this makes any sense). We talked a lot about her, and all told stories, and had some foods she liked. That did help with some feelings of closure for me, and for my mom too.
It also helped once he was in jail and all his appeals were exhausted. He will spend the rest of his life in jail, which I’m sure is not easy or fun (and it shouldn’t be!!).
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.
Post # 16
It is devastating how insensitive the media can be. I am so sorry. While I was in college a local girl that was in a few of my classes and pretty well know on our small campus was kidnapped, brutally raped and murdered. It being such a small town, it absolutely devastated the community. Well fast forward to the trial and it was the same exact way. I understand some stuff needs to be out in the courtroom but I remember a few girls in my class were really close to this girl and went to the hearings and such and without warning at all they brought out large poster size photos of the girl after they found her. Like I said I know it has to be out there for the jury but I think some warning should have been given because she was so badly abused they were unable to identify her and had to use dental records. And then to put icing on the cake the media felt it necessary to go in to detail about what that monster had done to her the 4-5 hours he had her before he took her life.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It is such a heart breaking thing and I truly feel for you.