NWR: My aunt said some things…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I confront her?
    Yes : (9 votes)
    36 %
    No : (16 votes)
    64 %
    Other (please explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @megz06:  I had causing unnecessary drama.  Everyone is going to have opinions about you and some of them will be unflattering or downright mean.  At least she hasn’t said it to your face where you would absolutely have to deal with it.  It would deifnitely hurt my relationship with my aunt and probably cause me to distance myself and my baby from her as a result.  But confronting her is not going to get the response that you want which I am guessing is an apology.  Even if she apologizes she can’t take it back; she already said it, somebody heard it, and then you found out about it.  This is why people should always be mindful about what they say because it can never be unsaid.

    I wouldn’t say anything directly to her but I wouldn’t be going out of my way to be friendly to her either.  Take her gift, smile, and let it go.  She’ll get her desserts when you decide that you don’t feel like visiting her after you have the baby.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Wowza. This is who she is and is unlikely to change. But also – anybody who knows her knows this about her and is unlikely to give anything she says much credence. So I wouldn’t worry too much about what the people she told are thinking. 

    So you have to decide if you would rather lose your relationship with your aunt (and put stress on the relationship with your parents) or just ignore her antics (like your mother seems to do) and not let it get to you. I don’t actually know what I would do, but I’d probably just get over it. But I think you are well within reason to not want to associate with someone who speaks so badly of others. But at the end of the day, that will determine if you want to bring this up or not. If you want to end the relationship – do it and tell her why. If you don’t, it doesn’t sound like any good will come from confronting her.

    Also, you know you’re going to be a kick ass mom. Your husband knows that. Your parents know that. All your friends know that. Even your aunt likely knows that. So don’t worry about your reputation or proving anything to anyone. Anybody who knows you would know that your aunt’s talking was crap and not believe a word of it anyway. And if they don’t know you – who cares?

    Post # 6
    Member
    5966 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    @megz06:  Im going to be honest here, :

    First of all, I think this amount of gossip for anyone is just completely ridiculous. She sounds like a busy body and she also sounds extremely irritating. So I totally get why you are annoyed and hurt.

    I kind of feel like you are allowing her to get the best of you . Who cares what she thinks of your choices or what kind of parent you are going to be? her approval isn’t needed. Ever. You know your reasons for giving your dog to your parents. And so do they. So it shouldn’t matter what she thinks about that. Let her think what she wants. As for what kind of parent you are going to be or how read you are, she can shove it on that too. None of what she is saying holds any truth. The thing about someone like her is that even if you address it, most likely she will still think and feel however she chooses, I doubt that you confronting her about it is going to change her ways or do anything positive for anyone. It’s just added drama and stress that won’t get the end result you might hope for. I would really try and let it go and just roll your eyes at her nonsense when you hear about it. Im sure people know how she is and anyone who truly knows you (aka the ones who matter!) will recognize fact from fiction.

    In short, don’t address it, don’t keep talking about it with people (unless that helps you) and don’t waste any more energy on this. Feeding into gossip isn’t good for anyone

    Post # 7
    Member
    7179 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @megz06:  Your aunt made a thoughtless comment and was just running her mouth.  Let it go as if it didn’t happen.  I’m assuming she’s not a dog person, because it seems like a typical thing a dog person would say.  Since I’m not in the thick of it and emotionally unattached, it  strikes me as one of those flippant things people say.  You weren’t there, you don’t know the context, and I wouldn’t hold it against your aunt.  

    If you feel you HAVE to confront your aunt, you can tell her that you heard about what she said and it hurts your feelings that she feels you won’t be a good mother (but I could see your aunt getting upset and refuting that – since she likely doesn’t REALLY feel that way).  

    I would encourage you to let it go and not worry about your aunts opinion (esp if she’s prone to gossipy talk crap about everyone behavior). Yes, it’s hurtful, but it’s not going to change the fact that you will be an awesome mother!

    ETA:  I just read your updated post where you said she may really feel like you are going to be a bad mom.  If that’s the case – then even MORE reason to NOT confront her!  Let her have her stupid opinion.  You aren’t going to change her mind and why waste one BIT of energy on her silly and ridiculous opinion!!!!!!!  ((HUGS))

    Post # 8
    Member
    3199 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @megz06:  eehhh see i’m really confrontational with people like this. if i were in this situation i would tell her if she doesnt shut the fuck up about me and my family i would cut her out of my life forever…

    but i’m craycray like that!

    Post # 9
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @megz06:  I actually don’t think she really believes you’ll be a bad mom. I think she just said it because it sounds shocking and she likes the attention. No way to really know, but I feel like a lot of bad gossips will say shocking things that they don’t actually believe just to get a rise out of people or make themselves feel important. Either way – they best retort is to just be an awesome mom!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1349 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @megz06:  How’d it go with your aunt?  I hope your shower was amazing!!

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