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I'd try reaching out to her again. It's apparent that you desire to reconcile and move forward. Granted, you can only do that, if she's willing to. I'd try to make plans to do coffee or lunch again. That way - it's not a fixed date that she can't be busy for and you could be flexible in scheduling.
If that doesn't work (meaning you can't make a date), I'd send her a letter or email - not rehashing who was wrong or right - but simply stating that you miss her and you'd like to rebuild the relationship with her.
Relationships with sister's are very difficult when it involves romance. There could be a lot more going on (that she hasn't figured out, yet is lashing out at you). It doesn't make it right, but I say this, because it may help explain the seemingly irrational behavior.
My sister has had a really hard time with DH - it's strained our relationship; but it's also made me realize that I can only do so much. Meaning - if someone has issues they haven't dealt with on their own, it pollutes your relationship with them. Until they can face their own demons, you are going to keep going in an unproductive circle.
@oracle: Thank you!
Youre right, sister relationships are hard. She has dealt with depression in the past and after receiving help she admitted that she would take things out on me. This was many years ago though. She might be going through something else now, but I wouldn't know.
She drives me crazy but I miss having a sister.
@Bostongrl25: I totally understand. I miss my sister, too - but, I also realized that I miss the idea of what I want my sister to be vs. who my sister really is (if that makes any sense). It's a loss, for sure. I really hope that she'll accept your attempts to reach out to her and the two of you can reconcile and move forward. I know how painful it is!
@oracle: Thank you again. Its nice knowing that other women are dealing with sister issues.
I think you have already done a lot to try and reconcile things with your sister when you're not even in the wrong. Which is great of you!
But keep trying. Have you tried contacting her in person?
Family is SO important as it seems you already know.
Could there perhaps be something else going on besides the design?
@Bostongrl25: It sounds like your sister has something else going on to be making such a big deal out of something so small, and to continue shutting you down. She may not even realize the true reasons behind her own actions, you know? Sometimes we are jealous or sad or whatever and we hurt those closest to us.
But, it does sound like you want a relationship with her, so I would try again. Did you talk to your brother about her? If you did maybe all siblings should get together and talk in a neutral place. You can just let your sister know how much you love her and how much you want a relationship with her.
I don't have a sister, but I have a brother and we are really close. I would be absolutely devistated if one day we were not close, so I do understand how you feel. Hugs!
I'm going through it too. It's a shame because it feels like you are put in a position at times to chose between the two. However it shouldn't be like that and it's not right. My sister isn't talking to me, we haven't spoken now in almost 3 weeks. It's a long time for us considering we would talk almost every day. Now, we are 10 years apart and me being the older one. She came to visit me last month and all hell broke loose when we had a disagreement about her giving me the phone. She was speaking about my younger brother who has a mental illness (Bipolar) to my mother. I could hear my mother getting upset over what she was telling her. It had to do with the amount of classes he signed up for the upcoming semester. I knew what my brother was going to do already, we had previously discussed him dropping 3 out of the 5 classes he signed up for. Well, I asked my sister to give me the phone and she initially did but snatched it back from me. Well, along comes my Fiance, he tells her not to grab the phone from me like that. She goes ballistic and claims how could I let him talk to her like that. We really didn't do nothing wrong, he didn't even raised his voice but he was concerned at the way she was behaving about the phone. Well she decideds to leave my home without saying goodbye and tells me she will never return back to California. I think she is Bipolar as well as my younger brother. However he is getting help and she isn't. I love her with all my heart but I can't take her bully ways and i'm older and she does not show me any respect. So I will just wait until she comes around again...could be 2 months, 9 months...years..IDK but it is sad at times. Hopefully you and your sister can clear up the misunderstanding...good luck
Thanks ladies.
There could be something going on but I don't know since its been over a year. I do want a relationship but theres only so many times you can be screamed at or ignored, ya know?Its emotionally exhausting and I just don't want to keep going back for more.
I just want to share a very personal story with you girls. Because sibling stuff hits very close to home as of late.
My husband has two older brothers. Growing up he was always closer to the older brother. But the older brother joined the AF at age 18. He was still always close to him, went to visit him tons, etc. He was always close to the middle brother as well but just not as close, if that makes sense?
Fast forward to about 6-ish years ago. Middle brother married an evil b!tch of a devil in human skin. No joke. None of us liked her but we accepted and welcomed her into our family because HE loved her. Family is very important to us. Fast forward he starts showing up less and less for family events. He missed father's day AND mother's day in one year. To spend Father's Day with evil bitche's nasty father. My husband was not having that because their parents are amazing and did not deserve to be treated that way. He called middle brother up, there were bad words exchanged, evil bitch wife came on and said some nasty nasty things. Things were strained for 6 months or so. One day middle brother showed up at our doorstep late at night with a overnight bag. Evil bitch wife cheated on him. Nasty divorce she put him in crazy debt. He was shattered.
Ever since then we have been there for him and him for us. The three of us were super super tight. Wherever we were he was there and vice versa. He was best man at our wedding. I love him like he IS my brother and he loved me like I AM his sister.
This past December he passed away suddenly wihtout warning. It ripped all of us to pieces. None of us knew how to react, how to deal or how to grieve.
The only thing we were grateful for is that he did not pass away while the family was at odds with him. That he turned his life around and he was happy. Knew his family loved him and vice versa. The only thing we all had to hold onto is each other.
Anyway, as morbid as it sounds. And maybe your thinking this girl is bat shit crazy because my sister and I are just at odds. She's still going to be there tomorrow, next week, next month.
But that's the thing. You never know.
Family, good family which it sounds like you have, is SO important and valuable. Nothign is more importnat. Nothing.
Anyway, I wish for your sake you and your sister/siblings can reconcile.
P.S. And if you're rolling your eyes at my post that is totally fine as well.
BC this is deeply personal to me I will be requesting this be deleted in a day or so. Thanks.
@Gerbera: wow - thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. In my situation, I do take it seriously and my sister and I have both reconciled at various points in our relationship - acknowledging that life is too short. She was actually in a serious car accident weeks before the wedding and was lucky she didn't die. That hasn't necessarily helped in the long-term with the issues she has with me and DH - and she's still working through those - as I am with our relationship. I guess at the end of the day, everyone has to be at peace with their decisions. For me, to hope or expect for a sisterly relationship with her isn't healthy.
@Gerbera: Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
I can somewhat relate to your loss-our dad passed away when we were young. When I referenced "family problems" in my OP, that is one of the issues I was referring to. My sister and I both know how suddenly a life can be lost and my family grew up tighter because of it. We all went to family counseling and have helped eachother deal with the grief that is still with us, so many years later. Thats actually one of the reasons I miss my sister the most. 2010 was an amazing and exciting year for me and I wanted nothing more than to share it with my family. I kept thinking about my dad and kept reaching for the phone to call my sister, but I couldn't because I had no idea what her reaction would be. And after the text last night, I still don't. When I thought things were improving it seems like we went right back to where we started. I get teary just thinking about it.
Thanks girls for sharing your stories.
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This is just a vent. I'll try to make this the shortened version.
My sister and I are close in age and for the most part have had a pretty good relationship growing up. We had a lot of family problems and I think going through those things together made us closer. However, we of course have had our share of fights over the years. We fought like most sisters do.
The problem started last January. The boy and I have been together 3 years. Him and my sister always got along and we went out as a group very often. However, last January everything fell apart. My sister asked my bf for a favor-she needed him to design something (he's an artist). He agreed of course and said he would have it ready by X date. She texted him and said ok, thats fine. Well, a week before the agreed upon date, my sister texted me "Hey, I am coming over to get my design tonight". I told her it wasn't ready...because the BF thought he had another week to get it to her. And he texted her the date and she agreed. She said she must have mis-read the text but she needed it right that day. I said it wasn't possible. The BF was working all day and theres no way he could get it to her within a few hours.
That's when all hell broke loose. My sister and I went back and forth for days. She said horrible things about my boyfriend via text, email, and phone. Meanwhile, my bf felt horrible. He stayed at work late to get the design done because he didn't want to cause any issues. She of course wouldn't accept the design or his apology (he apologized...even though he didn't actually do anything wrong).
So we stopped speaking. We had mutual friends who also stopped speaking to me because she told them horrible things about my bf (I know this because I am still friends with one of them, and she was telling me what was going on). I reached out to her a few times to try to make ammends, but every time it turned into a war and the insults started again. This past December I figured I would give it one more try. I invited her to lunch for her birthday. We met and although she did not mention my bf's name..the lunch went fine. She asked if I wanted to hang out again and I said yes, and she said she'd call to set up something. Well, I never heard from her again. I reached out to her about a concert for a band we both love, but she wasn't interested. I invited her to Christmas, but she couldn't make it. I mentioned to my brother last night that I thought lunch had gone well, but she never called me. And an hour later I get a crazy text from her saying something along the lines of "stop talking about me to brother. if you have something to say, say it to me."
I'm at a loss. I feel like I have tried several times to make ammends for something that was such a stupid fight. I hear from other family members that she misses me terribly, yet she makes no move to hang out with me. I have apologized, the boyfriend has apologized and nothing.
A part of me wants to just forget about it. My bf is an amazing man and I can't have a relationship with her if she hates him. But another part of me misses her. She's my sister and was my best friend for basically my whole life. But again, this whole fight started because she mis-read a text.
Sorry, this turned out way longer than expected :(