(Closed) NWR: My sister hasn’t talked to me in 13 months and it’s killing me

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’d try reaching out to her again.  It’s apparent that you desire to reconcile and move forward.  Granted, you can only do that, if she’s willing to.  I’d try to make plans to do coffee or lunch again.  That way – it’s not a fixed date that she can’t be busy for and you could be flexible in scheduling.  

If that doesn’t work (meaning you can’t make a date), I’d send her a letter or email – not rehashing who was wrong or right – but simply stating that you miss her and you’d like to rebuild the relationship with her.

Relationships with sister’s are very difficult when it involves romance.  There could be a lot more going on (that she hasn’t figured out, yet is lashing out at you).  It doesn’t make it right, but I say this, because it may help explain the seemingly irrational behavior.

My sister has had a really hard time with DH – it’s strained our relationship; but it’s also made me realize that I can only do so much.  Meaning – if someone has issues they haven’t dealt with on their own, it pollutes your relationship with them.  Until they can face their own demons, you are going to keep going in an unproductive circle.

Post # 5
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Bostongrl25: I totally understand.  I miss my sister, too – but, I also realized that I miss the idea of what I want my sister to be vs. who my sister really is (if that makes any sense).  It’s a loss, for sure.  I really hope that she’ll accept your attempts to reach out to her and the two of you can reconcile and move forward.  I know how painful it is!

Post # 7
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you have already done a lot to try and reconcile things with your sister when you’re not even in the wrong. Which is great of you!
But keep trying. Have you tried contacting her in person?

Family is SO important as it seems you already know.

Could there perhaps be something else going on besides the design?

 

Post # 8
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@Bostongrl25: It sounds like your sister has something else going on to be making such a big deal out of something so small, and to continue shutting you down. She may not even realize the true reasons behind her own actions, you know? Sometimes we are jealous or sad or whatever and we hurt those closest to us.

But, it does sound like you want a relationship with her, so I would try again. Did you talk to your brother about her? If you did maybe all siblings should get together and talk in a neutral place. You can just let your sister know how much you love her and how much you want a relationship with her.

I don’t have a sister, but I have a brother and we are really close. I would be absolutely devistated if one day we were not close, so I do understand how you feel. Hugs!

Post # 9
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m going through it too.  It’s a shame because it feels like you are put in a position at times to chose between the two.  However it shouldn’t be like that and it’s not right.  My sister isn’t talking to me, we haven’t spoken now in almost 3 weeks.  It’s a long time for us considering we would talk almost every day.  Now, we are 10 years apart and me being the older one.  She came to visit me last month and all hell broke loose when we had a disagreement about her giving me the phone.  She was speaking about my younger brother who has a mental illness (Bipolar) to my mother.  I could hear my mother getting upset over what she was telling her.  It had to do with the amount of classes he signed up for the upcoming semester.  I knew what my brother was going to do already, we had previously discussed him dropping 3 out of the 5 classes he signed up for.  Well, I asked my sister to give me the phone and she initially did but snatched it back from me.  Well, along comes my Fiance, he tells her not to grab the phone from me like that.  She goes ballistic and claims how could I let him talk to her like that.  We really didn’t do nothing wrong, he didn’t even raised his voice but he was concerned at the way she was behaving about the phone.  Well she decideds to leave my home without saying goodbye and tells me she will never return back to California.  I think she is Bipolar as well as my younger brother.  However he is getting help and she isn’t.  I love her with all my heart but I can’t take her bully ways and i’m older and she does not show me any respect.  So I will just wait until she comes around again…could be 2 months, 9 months…years..IDK but it is sad at times.  Hopefully you and your sister can clear up the misunderstanding…good luck

Post # 11
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just want to share a very personal story with you girls. Because sibling stuff hits very close to home as of late.

My husband has two older brothers. Growing up he was always closer to the older brother. But the older brother joined the AF at age 18. He was still always close to him, went to visit him tons, etc. He was always close to the middle brother as well but just not as close, if that makes sense?
Fast forward to about 6-ish years ago. Middle brother married an evil b!tch of a devil in human skin. No joke. None of us liked her but we accepted and welcomed her into our family because HE loved her. Family is very important to us. Fast forward he starts showing up less and less for family events. He missed father’s day AND mother’s day in one year. To spend Father’s Day with evil bitche’s nasty father. My husband was not having that because their parents are amazing and did not deserve to be treated that way. He called middle brother up, there were bad words exchanged, evil bitch wife came on and said some nasty nasty things. Things were strained for 6 months or so. One day middle brother showed up at our doorstep late at night with a overnight bag. Evil bitch wife cheated on him. Nasty divorce she put him in crazy debt. He was shattered.

Ever since then we have been there for him and him for us. The three of us were super super tight. Wherever we were he was there and vice versa. He was best man at our wedding. I love him like he IS my brother and he loved me like I AM his sister.

This past December he passed away suddenly wihtout warning. It ripped all of us to pieces. None of us knew how to react, how to deal or how to grieve.
The only thing we were grateful for is that he did not pass away while the family was at odds with him. That he turned his life around and he was happy. Knew his family loved him and vice versa. The only thing we all had to hold onto is each other.

Anyway, as morbid as it sounds. And maybe your thinking this girl is bat shit crazy because my sister and I are just at odds. She’s still going to be there tomorrow, next week, next month.

But that’s the thing. You never know.
Family, good family which it sounds like you have, is SO important and valuable. Nothign is more importnat. Nothing.

Anyway, I wish for your sake you and your sister/siblings can reconcile.

P.S. And if you’re rolling your eyes at my post that is totally fine as well.

BC this is deeply personal to me I will be requesting this be deleted in a day or so. Thanks.

 

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Gerbera: wow – thank you for sharing.  I’m so sorry for your loss.  In my situation, I do take it seriously and my sister and I have both reconciled at various points in our relationship – acknowledging that life is too short.  She was actually in a serious car accident weeks before the wedding and was lucky she didn’t die.  That hasn’t necessarily helped in the long-term with the issues she has with me and DH – and she’s still working through those – as I am with our relationship.  I guess at the end of the day, everyone has to be at peace with their decisions.  For me, to hope or expect for a sisterly relationship with her isn’t healthy.

The topic ‘NWR: My sister hasn’t talked to me in 13 months and it’s killing me’ is closed to new replies.

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