Weddingbee boards

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"></font><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">I need some unbiased advice.  My head is spinning right now.  My fiance just sent me a text message that said - “Sorry I can’t see you. She wouldn’t understand. Hope you understand”.  Obviously, this message was intended for someone else, so I called him to find out what was up.  He told me that his ex-wife called him, left a msg, then sent a txt msg asking to see him.  So the txt message that I got from him was supposed to go to her and he accidentally sent it to me.  He said he also had a voicemail from his mother saying that she had been out to dinner with the exwife last night.  I asked him when was the last time he spoke to the ex and he said that he just heard from her today and that they do not keep in touch.</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> <p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Now here’s the thing – FI is kinda sneaky.  In the beginning of our relationship I caught him snooping through my myspace account and reading my mail.  I don’t have anything to hide, but I certainly felt violated and kinda like – “why do you feel the need to go through my things without my permission, unless you are guilty of some dirt yourself”.  He recently opened up to me that he was a “player” when he was in high school (10 years ago).  And he’s always maintained that the reason why his first marriage ended was because his wife was unfaithful to him.</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> <p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">So after talking to him about the text msg, I immediately called his mom to get some additional info.  She told me that there was infidelity on both sides in FI’s first marriage, and that the exwife says that she and FI are still in contact.</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> <p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Now what am I supposed to do with this info?  He says that he hasn’t done anything wrong, and that the text msg should be proof of that.  But I still feel like there are things going on that I don’t know about and it makes me uncomfortable.  And now to find out that he lied about the situation in his past marriage, and still being in touch with the ex..........But I don’t know if I can go back to him and say “well, your mom said blah blah blah”, because that would bring the mom into the mix unnecessarily (and it might prevent any future ability of obtaining any info from her if I need it).</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font>

<span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'">What do you ladies think?  How would you handle the situation?  I almost feel like telling him to change his phone number and his email addy, but I know that if someone really wants to do something they will find a way to do it.  Regardless of what kind of obstacles they may have.  And I also don’t want to fuel the fire of  sneakiness. 

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geez! i don't know why all of that extra type is within the original message...i apologize about that ladies..

labordaybride: we've been engaged for a little over a year now and have been together for about 3 years.....i honestly don't know what i would do if he cheated on me - EVER....i think it's easy to say that i would leave, but you never know what you will do in a situation sometimes until you are in it....

i definitely agree that not trusting someone is a horrible existence....but do i let him know what i found out from his mom?...in a way, he's kinda right about the text msg.....at least he was telling her that he wasn't willing to meet up with her.....but the whole thing makes me feel really weird....

i really want to thank you ladies for being so supportive and considerate in your responses....i felt like i couldn't turn to anyone i know because, there's always a fear of judgment i guess.....and not truly knowing if i could trust my "friends" to keep their mouth shut.....so, i turned to the Hive...and you all did not disappoint...

now that i have calmed down and had the chance to clear my head, i agree that i should get it all out in the open with him....even about the things that his mom said.....how can i expect complete honesty but not give it in return, right?....and if i don't confront him now with the things that FMIL said, i will always be wondering if it were true or not.....

we already had plans to take some sort of premarital course before our november wedding, so maybe we need to speed up that process.....we obviously have some trust issues that need to be dealt with.....

i know in my heart that he is a good man.....and like i said before, at least he was turning down the invitation from the ex to meet up....but we definitely need to come to an understanding about lies and deception and how strongly i feel about it.....i will never know if he would have told me about her making contact with him had the txt msg not inadvertently been sent to me....but i need him to understand that it's important to me that he is up-front with everything, even if it may cause a little hurt or embarrassment initially......

thanks again ladies!!.....all the best to each of you