- Ms Mini
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
I just need to let this out to someone other than family and FH …
My Omi (grandma) and Opa (grandpa) have been married for 45 years. My Omi is a sweet, living, kind 66 year old woman. Opa is an alcoholic, who is very mean and verbally abusive to my Omi, and pretty much anyone else who gets in his way.
My grandparents immigrated here from Germany in the 60’s. Other than their kids/grandkids, all their family lives in Germany. My Omi has been visiting in Germany for the past month.
About 5 years ago my Omi got fed up with the verbal abuse and drinking and left my Opa. Certain family members (one of my Uncles and my Omi’s sister) did not support her leaving, and she went back within a month. Opa changed for a while, but within a few months was back to his bad behavior.
My Opa has severe liver damage from years of drinking (he has been an alcoholic for about 30 years). He almost died 2 years ago and was put into a medically induced coma to withdraw from alcohol. Within 6 months he was back drinking.
My grandparents live in Vancouver, BC, one aunt and uncle lives there, my parents, and one aunt and uncle live in Calgary, Alberta, and I have an aunt and uncle are in Toronto, Ontario,
I hope you are all still with me …
The situation now:
Omi has been visiting in Germany for the past month, she went without “getting permission” from my Opa. Since she left he has been calling her telling her he is sick and is going to be re-hospitalized. He is trying to get her to come back. My aunt who lives in the same city, as well as my uncles have been flying out to stay with him, and apparently is is not that bad off (he is in the beginning stages of liver failure due to his drinking, and everyone is aware of such)
My aunt and uncles have been urging her to stay in Germany until her scheduled flight back October 4th. Which is why they are taking turns flying to Vancouver to stay with him. They are “taking care of him” until she gets back.
Today my mom gets a call from the family in Germany. My Omi has decided to leave my Opa again. She wants to come back to Canada because this is where all her kids and grandkids are, but she is terrified that my Opa will harm her in some way for leaving.
I live 3 hours away from any other family members, in another city. I have been here for 2 months, and no one other than my parents knows where in the city I live. I am not listed in any phonebooks.
I have offered (FH is okay with this) to have my Omi come live with us. We have a 2206 sq. foot house, with just myself and FH living here. We have a 150 lb dog with very good protective instincts. We will get an alarm system is need be to make her feel safe.
I know other family members will take her in, but I know they feel more connected to my Opa than I do, and I fear that they will allow her contact with him. I know in my heart that the best thing would be to have her live with us. I will drive her to Calgary if she wants to visit the other family members.
We are also not sure how to go about getting her things from her home in Vancouver without a confrontation with Opa. We are hoping they choose to hospitalize him so she can get in there without him being home (he never leaves the house anymore). He has weapons in the house (like loaded guns) so this is a very real fear.
I just need some words of encouragement. I know there will be a lot of drama coming if she wants to come live with us (jealousy etc), and getting her and her stuff here is going to be really stressful.
Me and my FH would love to have her here, not just to keep her safe, but because she is sweet and wonderful and would love to come “take care” of us.
Thanks for hanging in there through my convoluted story.