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So, FI and I have a queen-sized bed and two pit bulls who sleep in bed with us. Every morning, FI has some complaint about me or my dog taking up too much room and how his back hurts (his dog is very compliant and "spoons" while sleeping - my dog stretches out like dog, with little regard for us!). Last night, he had a hell of a time sleeping and in the process kept me awake too. This is really bad for us because we both work really long days, plus we already get a short night's sleep because we have to stoke the fire in the woodstove in the middle of the night.
Anyway, we have a guest bed, and when we got it, he would always joke about sleeping in there so he could get a good night's sleep without all three of us. I always hated that idea... if we don't even sleep in the same bed, are we any better than roommates, really? And could this be a slippery slope?
But now I'm considering it because of last night (I'm a little pissy about being kept awake, and also I had trouble sleeping the night before that, so I might be a little overtired and cranky). How would you feel about sleeping in a separate bed from your husband or FI?
And, since I know you'll ask, having the dogs sleep elsewhere isn't really an option, I'm afraid. We're just those people. Seeing that in print makes me think it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but.... yeah.
Get a bigger bed? Or get a doggie bed next to your bed? FI and I share a queen and it's barely enough for the two of us and we're small people! When we dogsit our little 3 lb toy yorkie we don't even let her sleep with us b/c there isn't enough room. If you aren't willing to kick the dogs out, the two of you might have to separate unfortunately.
Difficult as it may be for all concerned, I think the dogs need to start sleeping somewhere other than the bed.
Just to clarify, are you saying that not sleeping with your dog "isn't an option", but not sleeping with your FI is? I guess if dog is more important to you and FI isn't offended, you could go sleep in the other room. I know some couples doing this but they are all much older and doing it for various health reasons.
I would think getting a doggie bed is the best solution.
Agreed. My cat's not even allowed in the bedroom. Cat hairs on the sheets make me gag & I have to change them. LOL We sleep with the door closed, if she starts complaining we just walk out the door & make a loud sound, clapping or something so she knows it's not allowed. I say make the dogs sleep in the guest room before your guy.
@GirlWithARing - sleeping in a separate bed than my FI wasn't an option for ME, but if it's an option for him, then f*** it, right? I want some damn sleep too, and his crankiness is pissing me off.
See? I'm overtired. UGH! I know, we need to kick the damn dogs off the bed!!!!!!!!
Agree...I can't imagine voluntarily sleeping apart from my FI every night. And I REALLY value my sleep, so if it was the doggies that were causing problems, I would move them out for sure.
Sorry guys, I should clarify that I would really rather sleep with my FI than the dogs. I'm cranky and pissed because it doesn't seem like he feels that way. He'd rather sleep in the guest room than make them sleep somewhere else. I just wanted to see if I was the only one who thought this was a little screwed up.
Move the dogs or get a california king sized bed! but they're expensive, and from experience, it's still not enough space with two sizeable dogs... I would say let him sleep in the guest room tonight just so you can get enough sleep to talk about different options tomorrow or later this week.
I had been a bit snarky before because I took your post to mean that you would rather sleep with your dogs than kick them out and sleep well with your FI. If you think your FI feels this way and you do not, I would have a talk with him about it. I think if these things are said outloud, one realizes the ridiculousness of it and he would be on board with either getting a much bigger bed (though I don't think that will help with the spooning dog) or putting the dogs elsewhere.
I would have the dogs sleep elsewhere. The only reason our cat is allowed to sleep with us in our queen bed, is because he sleeps on the pillow next to us and doesn't take up much room. Two humans and two dogs in a queen is not much room! I think that moving the dogs will be best for both of you and your relationship.
Hmm...if your FI would rather have the dogs in bed, and you out of it, then yeah that would be a problem. He would really rather you sleep elsewhere than move the dogs? Maybe if you talked to him about how that idea is hurtful to you, and makes you feel like he doesn't care one way or the other if you're there (that's how it would make me feel anyway...)?
I'll just chime in and say I agree with what most of the others are saying. You have to kick the dogs out of the bed. Express to your FI that it is more important that you two sleep together (comfortably) than for him to sleep somewhere else to accommodate the dogs.
Oh, I get it now. I misunderstood the first post as well. As a temporary solution, it's definitely fine. Get some sleep and when you are both rested, figure something out. I doubt your FI can rationally argue for sleeping in separate rooms on a long-term basis.
My SIL had this issue when they had a new baby. Her husband would go sleep in the guest room b/c the baby kept him up! I was kinda shocked to hear this. Even though I understood (he was working) I thought it wasn't really right, either.
You guys either need a bigger bed (California king maybe?) or need to start teaching the dogs to sleep on the bed.
Yeah i'd be ticked, too, if my husband was like, "i don't sleep well with you, your dog, and my dog, so my dog and I are going to the guest room tonight". I'd be livid! I'd kick both the dogs off the bed and train them to sleep on doggy beds. My cats sometimes jump in bed with us but will stay at the foot of the bed. When it's time for adult time, they get kicked out of the room.
The ONLY time I'm okay sleeping in the guest room or making DH sleep there (or asking him nicely lol) is if one of us is really sick. Trust me, when I have the flu, I will quarantine myself personally b/c I wouldn't want to share it with him.
We have a queen, too, and I can't even IMAGINE trying to cram a dog on there, let alone two! No wonder you guys are cranky! PLEASE put your foot down on this. It's totally not cool! The fact that HE'D rather sleep in the guest room than disrupt his poor poochy's sleep....pretty silly to me, girl! You aren't being unreasonable.
The hubs and I have this problem (although, we make our doggie sleep in her bed everynight on the floor).
I need to sprawl at night. I blame my mom for spoiling me with a queen size bed growing up. Even after four years of living/sleeping together in the same bed, it's still hard for me to sleep sometimes because I need to hog the bed and spread out to get comfy. I've laid awake all night several times because I feel confined and just need the space.
Every once in a while, I have to kick him out to the guest room bed because I just freakin' need to sleep. It rarely happens, but it happens nonetheless. It doesn't bother him because the guest room bed is really comfy (although, it's a twin, which is why I'm the one who doesn't move).
We've just decided that this is the way it's going to be until we're able to move into a house with a bigger bedroom to get a king size bed. Staying in king beds at hotels is our dream come true :) He urges me to be honest on the nights I really need him to leave, and I just suck up the guilt and do it.
That doesn't really help you and your situation, but I thought I'd tell you about our situation to see how someone else handles a similar situation.
A friend of mine always seems to have bad luck with guys, then one day she met a really good one and he came over cooked her dinner and was going to spend the night. She actually had him sleep in the guest room because her cat sleeps with her in her bed, I laughed at how she would choose for her cat to sleep with her then the man of her dreams. He was allergic to the cat by the way. And now she's lonely and doesnt talk to him anymore. I definately agree with the other bees, get a sleeper for the doggies
@GirlWithARing - not your fault; I was being sarcastic in my head and worded it that way, too tired to remember that sarcasm doesn't translate ;)
@MissChapstick - yeah, once in a while is fine. I just wouldn't want it to turn into a "my parents" issue, who haven't shared a bed in fifteen years. That just doesn't seem right to me.
@tammy - not gonna lie, I lol'd!
I might not be popular by saying this, but dogs are not people. Caesar Milan (I know...guilty pleasure) will tell you that time and time again. Dogs need to be treated as dogs. They shouldn't be sleeping in a bed with you. You need to have a talk with your FI and let him know that if your dog can't sleep in bed with you, then neither can his dog. They both should be on the floor if you're afraid of intruders. Then, both of you should be able to get a good night's sleep in a queen bed.
just wanted to chime in that it can be a slippery slope. My FI's parents started sleeping in separate rooms because his dad started snoring.. it was a "temporary" solution. No joke, they haven't slept in the same room or bed for 20+ years!!! not a good idea!!
i'd get a bigger bed!!!!, and its ok that you are cranky/pissed over this! we understand!!! 
I've read some articles about it because my fiance snores and I sometimes have to go to the couch. It doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. Your relationship will probably be a lot better since you both won't be crabby and irritable. I actually think it keeps the relationship more exciting too.
It's only a death knell if you're not having sex. I know plenty of people who share a bed and don't have sex..
do you 2 have sex with the dogs in the bed? what about when (if) you have children - are they to be expected to share your bed with 2 pitbulls as well? i refuse to believe that "the dogs sleep elsewhere isn't really an option" and if i was your FI, i too would be running for the spare room as well. i would not want my husband and i to have seperate beds but if the alternative was your current set up - i would be saying its either me or the dogs.
We all love dogs, but you guys need to come first for the sake of each other!! I would have the dogs in bed maybe for a few mins to cuddle or whatever, then move them to the floor in their own beds so you guys can actually sleep. They can still be in your room, but not in your bed, you guys are gonna go crazy otherwise. And I definitely would not get in the habit of sleeping in separate beds for this.
Every so often, I pop into the guest room for a good night's sleep (sometimes I'm a super light sleeper and any movement wakes me up). It's not an every night kind of thing, but maybe a separate night's sleep will make both of you less cranky/overtired and can then discuss a more permanent solution?
I think that you should put the dogs somewhere else. A queen sized bed isn't big enough for 2 people and 2 huge dogs.
Just wanted to give some support to Sage. We have pugs and they also will NOT sleep anywhere else. It isn't an option. We rescued them- they were in puppymills their whole lives- and are complete velcro dogs. We tried sleeping with them in another room- they cried and screamed. We tried a crate- same thing. And it's not just, "oh let them cry..." Sophie (one of the 3) is the worst and has pulled out nails and made herself bleed. They are psychologically dependent on us, if they know we're there, they need to be next to us.
If we put them on the floor in a dog bed they'd jump on the bed, or if it was too high, they'd try to and whine and cry.
All dogs are different and have different needs. Unfortunately due to puppy mills many have issues with confinement and separation even after being rescued. Just because YOUR dog isn't like this doesn't mean other aren't- so please don't put her down saying she needs to get them out of the bed. If it's not an option- ITS NOT.
@eloping, no we do not have sex with the dogs in bed. LOL. We actually very rarely have sex in that bed. It's the sleeping bed. We don't really like bed-sex... ok stopping now as I'm on the point of TMI!
Anyhoo, thanks for weighing in, ladies. I agree with what you're all saying - we need to figure something out! We don't usually have this big of a problem... we've been living together for a year and a half. But when we don't get our sleep, watch out! We're grumpy :) He's a reasonable person, though - I'm sure we can figure it out.
Wow, sounds like you need to put the dogs on the floor. I'm a bit concerned about the fact he's ok with not sleeping in the same bed as you and taking his dog to sleep with him in the guest room but I don't want to judge. Like the other Bees I think you need to talk it out and get those dogs to sleep on the floor!
Aww thanks @kjpugs, someone who understands!! Haha, still I'd rather it be the dogs than me that leave the bed, but yeah... once a dog gets used to doing things a certain way, it's really hard to get them to change.
Oh no, littlemissmoo - he wasn't going to take his dog with him. He was going to leave her with me!!!!!!!!!! He wants to escape ALL of us!
Hahaha. I completely understand hwo you feel. Been there done that. And we had a Full size bed and the FI is 6'3! Our solution? We went out and bought a new bed! California King!
We can't sleep apart. :(
But I have to warn you just becaus we got a bigger bed the 65lb pup still wants to snuggle into the FI and steals most of his side of the bed. hehe.
Just for the heck of it:
Beyond the fact that we love that our pup sleeps with us having her sleep elsewhere is just not gonna happen. She's the freaking queen of the house, she doesn't sleep on the floor! =) Putting her outside of the bedroom would just keep US up at night because she'll whine till we let her back in.
@Sage, oooh! My mistake. If he's really overtired and needs 1 good night sleep I don't see the problem with that but if it were me I'd put my foot down at one night and get the dogs out - I wouldn't want it to become a habit! That being said, FH's parents have slept in different beds but in the same room for the last 15 years or so.
@Sage exactly... I'd LOVE it if the pugs would sleep ANYWHERE else... but they are who they are and I'm responsible for keeping them healthy & happy. What about getting a bigger bed? We're saving for a king ourselves.
I definitely think you should try to make sleeping in the same bed a priority and figure something else out for the dogs.
Sounds like a lot of your dogs have YOU guys trained really well LOL they can be such buggars haha
Heheh, I wish - the house we rent is OLD... the kind of old that you can't even get a QUEEN-sized box spring up the stairs without getting one of the split ones. We figure we can wait until we buy a house. There's always the guest bed ;)
@kjpugs, isn't it funny how much we sacrifice for the "kids"? LOL. I love pugs - their little smushy-faces are the best!
@Gerbera, I think our dogs must be related. My two think they are Queen of the World! They won't even lay on the floor during the day; they have to be on the couch. At least now I know for our next dog(s): train them early to be DOGS! It's ok to lay on the floor... it's carpeted! And when we go to bed, you can have the WHOLE couch!
Can your dogs be retrained?What about one of those end of the bed type chaises? Dude my cats would flip out. lol. Oh and when we got a new bed (upgraded the full to a queen) my cats wanted nothing to do with it. Nothing. They prefer to sleep under this one. Dunno why.
I think there's a big difference in "my SO snores/kicks/sleeps weird" and "there's not enough space for all 4 of us".
Do you have room for a bigger bed?
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