NWR: PISSED! husband's parents bought him a cemetery plot next to them

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1959 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d be fully pissed too.

Post # 3
19 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

future.mrs.koban:  Oh boy, that is just crazy. Did they even ask your SO, i think it is very rude to make that decision for some one else. It is a VERY personal consideration. So NO you are perfectly right to be livid!

Post # 4
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

future.mrs.koban:  i would be totally pissed – less so if they had purchased one for the wife as well, but still that’s kinda a big thing to do without talking to you first.

Post # 5
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

damn that’s super selfish of your inlaws. what does your husband think about this?

Post # 7
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

How freaking weird. If this was my parents I’d tell them thanks, but no thanks. How morbid.

Post # 8
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I wouldn’t bother telling them anything about your plans. Have it specifed in your wills which cemetary you want to be buried in and that you want to be buried together. It is none of his parents business at this point, and if they chose to do this without running it by their son, well, its their money wasted. I wouldn’t turn it into an argument with them, just let it be. Chances are they will be long gone by the time either one of you needs that plot. 

Post # 9
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

If it were me, I would be upset that I hadn’t been consulted first. But the thing is you can always make your own plans and make sure that you get it into a living will so that your plans are enforceable.

Post # 10
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

There’s no law that your husband has to use it. Just leave it alone and make sure you have all the legal paperwork necessary to ensure your wishes are followed.

People can pay for whatever they want. You’re under no obligation to use it.

Post # 11
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ya, I’d be super pissed too. Super personal decision that is very sensitive. If you both know they would be livid if you rejected that plan, just change the subject anytime they talk about it, and make your own plans. Just make sure your plans are solid & clearly in your wills and your good to go! Then you get to avoid all the drama! 

Post # 12
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

My father’s family bought multiple plots in a cemetery as a way of providing for the family. As time goes on, almost no one uses these plots, but they thought it was the best thing to do.

If your DH’s parents bought the plots and he is not paying for it, smile and nod. The great likelihood is that they will have passed before he will, and the plot they bought for him will go unused. While I find their thought process a little unusual, I can also understand it. If a person were to buy funeral plots, they might want to have spaces next to them for those they love “just in case.” It doesn’t mean you have to use them, and it certainly isn’t worth arguing over while everyone is alive, so just let it go.

Post # 13
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I definitely don’t think this is worth arguing over. Just because they bought it, does not mean that he will be buried there. My moms family bought 4 together, only my mom and grandma are buried there. My dad was suppose to bruied with my mom and at the last minute my selfish grandma moved him across the county…I wouldn’t worry about it because more than likely they will be long gone before your husband ever needs to use it. It was weird for them to buy it without consulting y’all first, but it’s their moneu wasted. 

Post # 14
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Who cares? Just because they bought it doesn’t mean anyone has to use it.

Post # 15
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Okay, I totally validate your upsetness.  I understand that practical side that many Bee’s are addressing, which is true– you can make your own plans specified in your will and what they do or buy is irrelevant to what you choose to do.  I get that …

BUT what bothers me about the response is that I feel like it misses why you are upset (or at least why I would be upset).  It’s not the useage that matters here, it’s the thought and the meaning.  And what that would feel like to me is a representation that they don’t honor, respect, or value your marriage and relationship.  Which frankly would make me feel really upset about them.  Because I’m sure if they did that, they likely do (or will do) other things that demonstrate that same sentiment.  It seems really disrespectful to me, and I would be upset too.  

I agree that you shouldn’t let it get to you too much since it’s not a practial issue.  But I wouldn’t forget that that’s what your in laws think of you because I do imagine it will come up again in other ways.  Holidays, Children, etc…

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.  It’s nuts and it suck.  🙁

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