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You can say no. Or at least say, I can have 2 people over, the rest will have to figure something out. I would think that it would be easier for these girls to just chip in and rent a hotel room together. It would be the right thing for them to do. They are adults now, so they can probably afford to stay at a hotel for a few nights.
That's a tough spot to be in. It's very gracious of you to host them in the first place but the circumstances kind of suck. Maybe once they realize how cramped and uncomfortable they are going to be they'll be more inclined to go stay with the bride?
Also, I wouldn't let people I don't even know stay at my apartment. It may be sad, but I don't trust anyone. I have had stuff stolen from my apartment before by strangers that I allowed over. It's not worth it. It is also rude of your friends to expect you to house them after the suprise. You may just have to be more firm about what you are allowing. If you don't want to house strangers, you don't have to.
@misschirpie: Three of the four of them are in college, which is why they didn't want to get a hotel room. But I agree, if they all split the cost of a Budget Inn or something, it wouldn't be that much!
My guess would be that if they can afford to fly out there for the weekend they can definately afford to throw in for a cheap room. Hope that helps! :)
I would definitely find a way to let them know they should find a hotel. I am assuming you live in Chicago? I have stayed downtown, and it is possible to find a reasonably priced hotel to split. Not that you have to, but maybe even go to hotels.com and find a couple hotels in the area to recommend to them? That way they can't make excuses of trying to find a hotel and where it's located and all that. Some people just take complete advantage of others! I hope this gets worked out, I would be upset also!
The situation has grown out of control since you originally agreed. You said yes out of the kindness of your heart in order to make the weekend special for the bride, but under different circumstances. Now you are being totally put out at her and the groom's expense. It doesn't sound like the groom is being very considerate of your space and generosity.
If I were you I would call him and totally back out of housing people. Just say that when you originally agreed, you thought it was only two of them for 1 night and since your place is small that was your maximum. Now that number has more than doubled AND they are planning on arriving in the middle of the night and staying all weekend. Tell him that not only would they be more comfortable in a hotel room, it is their only option as you don't have enough room and aren't okay with the arrival time.
Guys are clueless. He's probably just not picking up on your hints. Send him a blunt email saying you and your fiance aren't comfortable housing people you haven't met. Say you can house the two people you initially agreed to but that the others are going to have to find somewhere else to stay. I'm sure that these people have other friends in your big city. Or all 4 or 5 of them should just get a hotel room to share. What, that could cost like $200 divided by 5 people? That's not that much.
Honestly, just tell the groom that you spoke with your fiance about it and you are uncomfortable housing that many people in your small place especially since you don't know them.
It will be better for him to find out sooner than later!
oh and if they can't afford a hotel, tell them to look at the Arlington House Hostel in Chicago. Or there's always couchsurfing.com. If these people don't mind staying with you and you are a stranger to them then I'm sure they won't mind staying with the strangers on couchsurfing.
I agree with the others-- now is a time for honesty. You can certainly be polite about it, but explain that you really can only do what you originally agreed to. Good luck!
It really has gotten out of control! Thanks, ladies, for confirming that I'm not insane. At first, it only bothered me a little, but the more I think about it, the more upset I get that no one even asked.
At this point, there really is nothing I can do about it. I've already told everyone they can stay with us (with full discosure of the apartment situation). Thankfully, it's only three days, and I'm hoping it goes by fast. I'm just so surprised at the lack of consideration, I suppose. Even in college, when I wasn't at all an etiqutte stickler, I would never have done that!
Ugh. They are being totally unreasonable! But you are probably right that there is not much you can do about it now. At this point maybe just try to make the most of it and turn it into a really fun time so that you can enjoy it instead of being bitter. Maybe email the girls and ask them each to bring $20 for pizza/beer and their favorite game or movie. At least that way you won't be expected to cover for food and entertainment too!
Honestly, I really can't believe the girls you don't know are ok with staying with you! I would be extremely uncomfortable staying with someone I have never met! Like you said, you will just have to grin and bear it. Hopefully it won't be too bad, and they will be out of the house except to sleep.
Wow, I don't think I'd even want to impose on someone like that. I mean I would feel uncomfortabel too. How strange? Gee, who would feel OK with knocking on a stranger's door at 3am, with their bags in hand, and crashing in a totally strange place?
When I was in college, I wouldn't have thought twice about cramming into a stranger's apartment with way too many people. College students can be clueless that way. They'll probably look back on this and cringe :) But if you are feeling taken advantage of, and/or that this will truly create a problem for you and your husband, you can always ask if they know anyone else in the area, or if the groom could ask some of his other friends to help house everyone. It doesn't have to all fall on you!
Sigh. Okay, I'm going to be honest. I think you are overthinking this whole thing.
Think back to before you were married... before you were living together or even engaged and your husband was single. Okay. Think about if he was going to be doing some sort of weekend outing with his buddies... guys have no problem with sleeping on the floor, using only a sleeping bag or a blanket/ pillow because they are guys. This isn't a girl thing. This is a guy thing. I honestly don't think that he REALIZES that he is putting you in a tough spot. If he was already married or his FI knew about this, I would bet that he wouldn't be asking you to take everyone in. After living together/ marriage, husbands start learning that wives do not take kindly to hosting inordinate amounts of people in their home, especially with little to no notice or discussion.
Because of this, I don't think he realizes you mind or even are put out by this. In fact, I think he thinks you think this is a great idea and are very happy to help. I think you need to sit him down and tell him that this is too much for you two to handle. You can take in "xx" number of people, but no more. As much as you enjoy being a part of the surprise, you and your husband also have your own lives, etc and can only help out to a certain extent, which is "xx" people.
Don't take it personally that he is pushing everything onto you, I honestly think he just doesn't realize this is putting you out.
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So in another recent post by moi, I explained how excited I am about our two friends getting engaged soon. Technically, they're already engaged, set their date and booked their vendors. But the ring and the official proposal are coming soon. The groom-to-be is surprising the bride by asking all her friends and sister to fly in to go dress shopping with her one weekend. It's really nice, and I know the bride will love it.
So, here's my point. I LOVE helping the groom-to-be plan this. The bride totally deserves this lovely surprise and I'm happy to help her friends and sisters. But my husband and I are starting to feel put out. Because it's a surprise, I'm housing four of the girls at our apartment so the bride doesn't see them before the big "hurrah!" At first, we agreed to two because one is family, and one is a close friend of the bride who my husband went to HS with, so we know them. Then it somehow escalated to four girls total, possibly five, and it was just assumed we would house them for a weekend. We're a little upset no one asked, but whatever, it'll be a small party all weekend, right? Well, then we find out our guests will be arriving at 3 a.m. on Friday night. Yikes! My husband is really irritated because no one even asked if it was okay, or let alone apologized for the late hour. Over time, I've kind of gotten upset about it, too, especially since the first time I'll be meeting these people are in my PJs, totally out of it in the middle of the night.
Also, we live in a two-bedroom apartment, but it's in a city, so it's small. Our second bedroom is the size of a closet, and we have one common area. So basically, our living room will have turned into a hostel for the weekend for four people, two of which we've never even met. The groom and bride to be will be hosting ONE guest after the reveal, which hardly seems right to me. I've hinted around to the girls that maybe they should stay with the bride to be because, well, they're there to see her, but they think staying with us is a better idea to give the bride and her sister some alone time because they see each other the least and are the closest.
Do we have a right to be upset? I've hinted around to the groom-to-be that it's too much for us with comments like, "Gosh, I'm not sure how they will all fit! at our place" but he doesn't seem to pick up on the message. At this point, there's nothing we can do, but yeah, I guess I just wanted to vent.