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We are babysitting my niece this weekend, she is four. When she was dropped off at our house, I noticed severe blistering and bleeding sores on her face. I asked her mom (FSIL) about it and she said that her dad had her over the weekend, had taken her to a waterpark and not put sunscreen on her. This is literally the third time this has happened this year. I am not a doctor, but I was in nursing school and a urgent care nurse and these are definitely third degree burns. You can see the second and third layers of epidermis and they are severely damaged. I have taken pictures of her face.
I told FI that I was thinking about calling CPS. I am so pissed at FSIL. I understand burns happen, sunscreen wears off. But three severe sunburns on a four year old in one summer? I don't think so. It is 115 degrees outside, why would you not put sunscreen on your baby? I don't even have kids and I know that. I am so angry and typing through tears right now so please excuse the typing and spelling.
Last year, she had a perfectly round burn on her hand. I asked her where she got it. She said word for word, "daddy burned me with his cigarette". A perfectly formed-sentence. I told FSIL to revoke his ability to have her on weekends. His house is filthy, she has had flea bites on her in the past. Her teeth are silver at the age of four because nobody cared enough about this sweet little girl to brush her damn teeth. Her mouth is full of metal, and she has had extensive surgery to remove her poor little baby teeth. She literally has 5 teeth that are actual tooth and not metal. It seems like every time I get her, she has a bruise on her face, on her back, on her arm. I ask her about each and they are all the same story: daddy hit me by accident"..... REALLY???? OMG I am dying inside.
The house she lives in is filled with cigarette smoke. She cannot breathe out of her nose, she constantly breathes out of her mouth. She has had the same prescription for coughing medicine for over a year. She is not sick, her lungs are suffering because she lives in the air quality of a freaking pool hall.
Please for the love of God, someone tell me what to do. I am so angry I don't even want to give her back on Monday.
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: Hell yeah I would call. Seriously. I know it's awkward because it's your FSIL, but this is a child you're dealing with and she needs someone to stick up for her.
Oh my God, how is this even a question? Yes, call them!!!
You need to talk to your FI first and make sure he is on the same page and will back you up if they ask you to testify in court, etc.
Where the hell are the grandparents in this picture?
Yes, you need to NOW! If not for the sunburn, but for the cigarette burn. That's sickening and whoever does that to a child, or allows that to happen and not do anything (your FSIL!!!) must be reported. Take pictures, call CPS, and call the police also immediately! CPS might not be able to get out there tonight, but the police will and you will have a second party to back up what you're seeing.
As a nurse, you're also a mandated reporter of suspected abuse, so you need to call now!! My heart is breaking for you to be in this situation, and for this little girl....
I would call i would think of it like this if you dont call and something happened to this sweet little girl could you forgive yourself?
@S.H.: FI said he agrees that this is negligence and grounds for calling CPS. The sad part, the grandmother (FMIL), lives with my three nieces and FSIL. I am sick to my stomach right now. I have to call.
What did your FSIL say in the past when you brought this up? Poor baby girl... someone needs to speak up for her. Can you clarify a bit more on the situation?
Uh yes. Not okay... it takes serious sun time to get third degree burns. Are you willing/able to take care of her? Because the only thing about CPS is that do you want your precious niece to end up in the foster system? Or am I misunderstanding, FSIL and the little girls daughter aren't together? Would she be okay with her mom?
It's especially good to do it while you have her for the weekend; they could probably come out tomorrow and may even prevent her from going back to her bad situation on Monday...
Poor baby girl.
I'm a teacher and it angers me profusely all the stories I hear about kids being abused and taken advantage of. UGH.
I lived like that once and all I can say is I wish someone called for me, so you NEED to call for her. Fuck your FSIL and that child's father. I'm sorry that is harsh but coming from a home like that it pisses me off even hearing about it. Call CPS, awkwardness be damned...
I'd take her to the ER. Third degree burns need treatment. Discuss your concerns with the dr. The Dr HAS to call if he suspects abuse.
I'm glad your FI agrees that you should call CPS. Is the abuse just from the girl's father, or are both FSIL and girl's father neglecting her?
Please call. This little girl does not deserve to live like this.
Please call! You can call anonymously if you want, so your inlaws will never know that it was you that called. But no child should be left with their abusers. I work as a school psychologist and see the results of how psychologically damaging, let alone physically damaging, years of abuse can be for a child. The quicker someone helps her the better.
I would call if I were in your position. You should realize though that the kid will probably not be removed from the home (at least not anytime soon). There are simply not enough resources to remove kids from the custodial parent(s) everytime they get a sunbun. I'm not trying to downplay this at all. I'm just giving you a realistic perspective.
What WILL happen, however, is that CPS will now have this on file and will be able to evaluate in a more formal manner. It sounds like a legit. case of child abuse on the part of the father and what your FSIL needs to do is never let that guy near her kid again. I don't know what the legal situation of your FSIL is but if the kids father has joint custody she can petition to have his rights revoked. Most courts do not look kindly on abusive parents when it comes to matters of custody.
Just my two cents.
I submitted a report online, it will be processed in 24 hours. A little clarifcation:
FSIL, FMIL, and my three nieces live together
FSIL's ex husband has partial custody of her on weekends, lives in a separate residence.
FSIL is not abusive, but very neglectful which is still grounds for calling CPS. If this were my daughter, you would have to KILL me to allow her to go back over to her dad's again.
We have the means and ability to take care of her in the event they decided to remove her from FSIL and FMIL's home.
Thank you everyone for the support
Our neighbor is a doctor and is coming over to take a look at her face. I promise I will update.
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: You can also call the police if you feel you need more time and help so that she doesn't have to go back tomorrow if it doesn't get processed in time. It likely will, but the police are a great resource in situations like this and can help you immediately rather than waiting for CPS.
OMG! I want to cry just reading this. So this is your FI's niece? I'd be so tempted to not bring her back tomorrow. Yes call! Can your FI or his parents (the grandparents I assume?) file for emergency temporary custody of this child? My daughter has fair skin and if it's over 75 out I always make sure she has SPF 50 on.
It's good that she's getting medical attention and that you submitted a report. You absolutely did the right thing.
How old are your other nieces? Do they have a different father or something? It sounds like you're not as worried about them.
See what the doctor says, but I'm fairly certain 3rd degree burns don't come from not putting on sunscreen. I also agree with piglet625, if need be contact the police. The doctor may also know of some resources for you. Glad you called and hope you can get the little girl to a better place.
I really don't even know if I'd recommend CPS. Sorry, I've had nothing but horrible experiences with them. They don't give a shit about the abused/neglected kids. Let me tell you my story. Sorry about the length, in advance.
My father, when I was a teenager, met and had three children with a very young girl. She was only three years older than myself, in fact. The girl was not ready to be a mother, by any means. She tried with the first one, she did. But when the second was born, she realized she was in over her head. Both her and my father were doing crack cocaine. The babies had severe diaper rash all of the time, were sick too often, malnourished, and there were signs of physical abuse (one brother's tooth was knocked out). My father was a long-haul truck driver and wasn't home with his girlfriend to witness what she was doing to the kids.
In the summer of 2006, my dad's gf called CPS on herself. She told them she couldn't handle the kids and admitted all she'd been doing to them. She was instructed to call a trusted family member to take the kids. Well, they made her take some classes, and a month later she was granted custody of my brothers back.
The following year, she gave bith to my baby sister. My sister was born addicted to crack cocaine. CPS was called in. They went to the house where the kids were living and looked at the kids, then left. They let my sister go home with my dad's gf the next day. Never took the boys, even though that was the second time they'd had to visit with my brothers.
Several months later, my mother came home and told me that we were getting my brothers because their mother had abandoned them at my aunt's house. Apparently, my dad's gf decided she didn't want to be a mom and she left all three kids (including my three month old sister) on the doorstep of my aunt's house. My aunt couldn't keep all three kids, so my mom offered to take the boys. This was all after the children had been locked in their bedroom for three whole days while their mom smoked crack with a stranger she met on a telephone chat line. One of my brothers had shaved the other one's head, it was bad. Keep in mind the boys were only 2 and 1 at the time.
So, my mom and I signed papers for temporary custody of the children. From that point on, we were treated like criminals by CPS. Most people who have no experience with it think that abused children go directly to trusted family members if they're taken, and live happily ever after. Not the case, whatsoever. CPS came to our house frequently to do homestudies. They interrogated myself and my mother. They threatened to take the children away from us if we couldn't meet with them at the last minute, or if my dad and his gf neglected to show up for their meetings. Yes, they were going to send the traumatized children to live in a foster home with strangers if my drug addict dad and his gf didn't show up to meetings. Then, one day, they informed us that if we did not obtain a lawyer and pay to legally adopt the children, they would be placed into foster care.
We, of course, did not have the money to get an attorney. I was sick and crying my eyes out every night. All I could think of was my little brothers getting taken away in a car to go somewhere with people they didn't know. I imagined them crying and being scared. It was a very mentally/emotionally draining experience for me. Then, my uncle and his wife offered to adopt all three of the children and raise them in the same home. They hired an attorney and my mother and I signed the boys over to them. They also got my baby sister. They spent thousands of dollars, but my siblings have been living with them for the past three years.
If my uncle hadn't have had the extra money lying around to afford lawyers and adoption fees, those children would be in a foster home right now, with no contact with their relatives. We were all willing to take them in and raise them. But, that wasn't good enough for CPS. Just be careful. If you, or anyone else in your FI's family, have the money to pay the extra expenses and deal with the emotional turmoil of the child getting taken from her parents, then given back, then taken, then given back, etc. Then, yes, call CPS. Otherwise, she might end up stuck where she is, or in a strange home with foster parents who are only interested in getting a check every month.
Please call. I sympathize deeply with her, as my father was abusive to me as well.
My mother told me that when I was 8 months old, my father burned my fingers with a lighter to "teach me that it was hot"...lucky for me my parents divorced shortly after my first birthday, and he wasn't allowed to see me without supervision.
Call, for her. You could be saving her life.
Do more than an online complaint. Thats like e-mailing Amazons customer service. Very red tape and impersonal. Go to ER, Call police, take action now. She needs to be in authorities hands ASAP
thank you for taking the time to watch her and give a dam!!!
I'm glad you reported because, as a nurse, you have a legal obligation to report, whether or not she is a patient.
@Pinksapphire: My FI cousin is a CPS worker, and I am fairly certain that yours was a more isolated event, not the norm. They do have to continue to check up on the new location for the children obviously, they don't want to have them go from one bad place to another bad place.
@Pinksapphire: I agree! I'm currently in Florida and the CPS here is out of control. Low lifes wanting checks are severely abusing kids and those sad stories where a child ends up dying is infuriating cause on file there are soo many calls to CPS and they did NOTHING.
@S.H.:my other nieces have different dads and show no signs of abuse whatsoever. one is 9 and the other is 13. they are bright. cheerful children that show no signs of bruising or neglect. believe me id do something if not.
So first off, it sounds like second degree burns (blistering and whatnot) and I think she def needs to go to the doctor to make sure they aren't getting infected or anything and to make sure she's adequately hydrated.
Second, I think you should call, if only to give the parents a warning shot. Just think of how terrible you would feel if something happened to her and you never said anything.
Third, I think you should sit her down (maybe bust out some coloring books or something) and have a chat with her about her dad hitting her. Probe the background of the 'accidental' hits, and how often they happen, and make sure you tell her that she won't get in trouble even if her dad told her not to tell. Child abuse is way too common to let her comments slide by.
Oops, I just saw your update. Good for you.
@Eva Peron: I'm actually a social worker in Florida (I don't work for DCF). Part of the issue with DCF in Florida is the pressure placed on case workers and the lack of qualifications needed to have the job in the first place. I believe that you're required to have a college degree, it's not required that it's in psychology or social work or any relevant field. So while there are a LOT of well trained and well caring social workers working there, there are also a lot of people that should NOT be there working there and getting burned out and consequently doing poor jobs.
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny I hope something happens and your niece's environment changes. Good luck! (And like julies1949 said you are legally obligated to report abuse as a nurse, just like doctors, and social workers, and teachers are required as well. (At least that's how it is in Florida)
Current bee going undercover.
Call. Call. And then call again. You should call and so should the dr who is coming to see her.
My father abused the living shit out of us when I was growing up. CPS got involved but found "no evidence of abuse." It was reported by teachers, doctors, you name it they reported it. Eventually, CPS did a truly thorough investigation and I was sent to live with my grandparents. Everyday, I am thankful that other adults in my life did not give up on me or on CPS.
Fast forward twenty years. I was a young mom going through a nasty divorce. My ex-husband accused me of being a neglectful crack addict. My son's drs, teachers, and even my neighbors were interviewed. It was quite the thorough process. I was cleared because I had not done anything wrong but I was forced to take drug tests every month for six months to prove that I was not using.
Call. Please. My father's abuse started with cigarette burns and eventually lead to rape. That kind of abuse scars a person for their entire life.
Even just one bad sunburn as a child highly increases a person's risk of skin cancer.
That girl needs help and she needs it NOW.
as sad as this is you need to call CPS if you dont know one will. my neice and nephew were taken again and out into the system last oct if you read my posts. i was heart broken but they were not being taken care of at all:( im trying to gain custody of my neice and nephew as i went through the system when i was 3 for several years because my birth mother didnt care for me and my sisters properly. i urge you to call for this little girl. if nothing is going on then maybe itll be awake call to the parents and if there is something going on get that little girl out of that situation. you can make an annoymous call!
@Eva Peron: tx cps will investigate in 24 hours without notice wether online or over the phone.
oh thank god this little girl has you and your FI around to look out for her. Good for you for calling and doing something and being willing to take her in. she's so lucky you came into her life.
this really upset me. please make sure to take care of this little girl. I am so glad that you are turning them in!
Lots of prayers and warm wishes for this little girl. And for you and your FI as well.
I'm sure she's in pain :(
thank you everyone for the advice and brave stories. my neighbor said she has very severe second degree burns that will more than likely scar. i am not letting her go back until cps has assessed the situation. she is supposed to go home monday and unless there is an investigation done before that she isnt going anywhere. if i am not contacted tomorrow i will call again. and again. she is asleep i gave her an aspirin and put an ice pack on her face. she drank lots of water and juice earlier so im sure shes full of fluids lol. i am so angry...
this will mor than likely destory any relationship i had with his family but we cannot continue to worry about her welfare and care. when someone insists calling cps on their own sister the situaation is bad.
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