Weddingbee boards

ok - so here's the thing...i am very close with my mom. we share everything and probably a little too much (according to my husband). I really HAVE been trying to "keep" things from her in terms of his and mine relationship as I know he doesn't like me telling her every little detail. I get that - I am trying to respect that. There are certain things I shouldn't tell my mom - and those things I DON'T tell her.

however then there are times such as today...she and I had plans to go dressing shopping for her dress for the wedding the day after my bridal shower. well - last night my husband decided to make different plans for that day - after he called the boyfriend of one of my bridesmaids to ask if he wanted to be an usher in our wedding. after he said yes - they started talking about baseball and how our favorite team is opening up at a stadium close to us that weekend. so he asked me if we can go that sunday - even though I told him I had plans with my mother that day...I told him, "ok i'll cancel plans with her and we can go".

so I called her this afternoon to do that - and told her why. i told her that we are going to a baseball game (yes, selfish on our part, I know). but she was cool with that and then - not thinking (this is where I admit I was wrong) I said I'll ask if it'd be ok for you to come with - since she'd already be here for the shower (it's a 2.5 hour drive from her house). So I texted DH and he didn't want her to go - and got mad at me for "telling her every little detail of our life".

um - what? sorry - but c'mon I'm not going to cancel plans I have with my mother who's here from out of town and NOT tell her WHY!

again, granted, i admit I was wrong for inviting her without asking him first and yes, I had to un-invite her. that was my fault. I apologized. BUT really - was I WRONG for telling her WHY I was canceling plans? he says I should have been "as vague as possible and less specific"...

i mean really - should I have NOT told my mother and "lied" to her as to why I was canceling plans? granted - again - i admit i was wrong for inviting her - and I uninvited her. and also - i know he thinks i tell her too much and believe me guys, I have stopped telling her a LOT of stuff. I get that he's just upset because in the past I have told her some things I shouldn't have (not intimate things, just things he doesn't want broadcast) - and again I've stopped doing that. but in this specific instance - should I have lied to my mom?

I think in this specific situation you were right and should not have lied to your mom. However, putting it in context of the ongoing issue (you telling your mom everything), I can see why he would be upset. Rationally, I think he would agree with you, but his opinions are affected by his annoyance at a pattern of behavior rather than this specific event. 

i agree - as i mentioned, i know it's the ongoing issue with him that he thinks i tell her too much. again - i get that and I realllllly have been working at NOT telling her everything (again, nothing intimate but more just stuff about finances - a big thing with dh - which i HAVE stopped doing - or stuff about what we're doing to the house - putting in windows, doing our kitchen, etc (which goes back to the finances thing...)

i know he and his parents DO NOT have a close relationship AT ALL. he honestly barely even spoke to his family for a while before he and I met. my mother and I speak to each other every day if not 3 - 4 times a day. he's always been extremely independent of his family and me pretty much the opposite - I've depended on my mom for everything - she's my rock. she truly is one of my best friends - AND not just throwing this in...but I have a few friends - INCLUDING my husband - who's moms have passed away and so I ALWAYS do think about that...

DH's real mom died when he was 8. my MOH's mom died only a few years ago (like a year before her wedding) and two close work friends of mine - their mothers passed away as well. I never really have brought that up to him - but this is just ANOTHER reason why I like to include my mom in on my life. I can't even imagine having to deal with that and I know the day will come when I have to - so yes, my mother and I are VERY close.

again - i admit when i'm wrong in what actions I did. BUT c'mon. he's mad at me because I told her exactly what we were doing in order to have to cancel plans with her! that makes me angry that he expects me to think before I say anything and figure out a way to be "vague" about WHY i'm canceling plans. sorry no.

and yes - he didn't want to look like the jerk for un-inviting her - and i promised him he wasn't - it was more ME looking like one for having invited her in the first place then turning around and saying "nope, sorry you can't come". I told her it was the four of us and probably should just be the four of us (him, me, bridesmaid, her bf). and that's what I said. yes I told her it was after having talked to him about it - so yeah i'm sure it looks like he's the bad buy - but my mom's fine with it.

sorry it just makes me angry because i am admitting to being wrong - yet he wants to push it further and make me feel even worse and tell me to lie to her?

thanks for the responses guys. :)