NWR Solidarity and sisterhood. Why tear down when we can boost up?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yipeebee:  Simply put, it’s competition. Ladies like to make themselves feel superior and convince others that they are superior as well. You rarely see women who know they’re pretty going out of their way to call out others on their flaws. There’s no need for competition there. It’s when another woman is similar to you that she becomes a threat. 

Post # 3
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

It’s worse online when people can hide behind their computer. Lots so snarky comments. They would never behave that way face to face.

Post # 5
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

Yipeebee: Survival of the fittest, competition, human nature…those are just some of the basic reasons it occurs.

However, I think you are reading into this too much as a “gender thing.” I think in part it’s human nature for both women and men. Men have their own ways of doing it too. Some become more fit/buff or pick on the “weak guy.” Some have competitions for how many women they can hit on or pick up in a night (not saying all men do this). Some it’s battle of wits, money or machismo. It’s not “catty,” but it serves the same purpose.

Also, on the internet it can be worse for a variety of reasons. One, there is anonymity. Two, you cannot read someone’s tone or intention from words. Something that is intended to be mundane can come across as being offensive or hostile. I am just as guilty as the next person to misinterpret things. And misinterpretations happen A LOT on the internet.

I am not saying that any of this is good or bad, it just merely exists. How much you allow it to affect you is something entirely different. 

Post # 6
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The oppressed, oppress.

Post # 7
Member
3346 posts
Sugar bee

Look, I definitely see where you’re coming from regarding the apparent joy some people have in tearing others down but can we please please PLEASE put a stop to this gendered bullshit?

Women are not any more vindictive, judgemental or nasty than men. We are not naturally prone to gossip and nastiness. People can be rude, mean and negative bullies.

I just hate this “women gang up on other women” stuff so much. It is not limited to women and men and women are not wired different although socialization sure has done a great job of making it seem that way. I think one of the first ways to stop this nastiness (which of course does happen, I just don’t believe it’s only women) is to stop treating it like it’s a normal or natural effect of being a woman.

Post # 9
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

Yipeebee:  Definitely not western angst…in the sense of being jealous or wanting something others having/wanting them not to have it.

While comparison is the theif of joy, we are social beings and we rank our lives, happiness and self-image in comparison to others. It may be unfortunate, but it is natural. It’s not just confined to western culture or women. Some people are better about not doing it as much or not allowing it to affect them as much. Others unfortunately let it eat away at them and their own happiness. I am sure confidence and insecurities have a lot to do with it as well.

Post # 11
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yipeebee:  it’s the person and their choice. I have heard things all too often and try to choose not to do those behaviors. Some women will bash other women and some will definitely bash guys that weren’t interested. I got so sick of hearing my friends say I’m a great catch and this guy was an asshole- just because someone wasn’t interested in you does not mean they are an asshole. In my opinion, it’s hard to value one guy when you are bashing the rest of them. Just because another woman doesn’t agree with you, like you, or bad mouths you doesnt mean she is jealous. it’s the easy way out to just come up with these justifications for everything 

Post # 12
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

Yipeebee:  If you’re angry about women who body shame and engage in other acts to undermine and devalue other women for the purposes of getting more attention from men (or from authorities, broadly understood), then I’m right there with you.

If you’re angry because we won’t validate, praise, and “support” every single woman who comes on here, no matter how deluded, selfish, or ridiculous she’s being, then I can’t agree with you at all.

Post # 13
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think giving an honest opinion or insight is necessarily mean or “bullying.” Just because someone is a woman does NOT mean they should be immune from getting called out for nonsense behavior. Sorry, just because we share an X chromosome does not mean you aren’t a jackass.

Post # 14
Member
3346 posts
Sugar bee

Yipeebee:  Oh definitely! I totally see where you’re coming from and obviously, when your social circle is made up of mostly women of course you’re going to see women tearing down other women. Just like on weddingbee, we see a lot of nastiness between women because the majority of posters are women. I guess I just object to this kind of assumption (not necessarily your post in particular, but just in general) that women are all jealous catty bitches who are secretly nasty to each other. There are lots of women who behave that way- but lots of men too. I think it’s a human condition more than a woman condition, know what I mean?

I think society definitely plants the seed- as women, we are supposed to act a certain way. You’re not supposed to be confrontational or assertive, so some women fight with gossip and rumours instead. I think women also feel competitive for a few reasons- society tells us that our main goal is to be beautiful and get a man so some people may feel threatened if they perceive that someone is doing better than them. I think it’s also personality- everyone feels jealous, or threatened, or superior sometimes- the way we express it differs and I think it comes down to personality, and the behaviours they perceive around them. I know when I was younger and hung out with a group of friends where there was tons of drama, I definitely participated in all that nastiness too. As I matured, I realized I did not want to act like that and distanced myself and now I’m (usually! haha) able to control myself.

I hope that all makes sense! I’m rushing out the door but I wanted to respond to you because I agree with your fundamental points (just not that it’s necessarily a “woman” thing).

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