NWR: Tacky to have graduation party 1 month prior to wedding?

posted 3 years ago in College
Post # 2
2727 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My opinion is that graduating is a big deal. You should be allowed to celebrate with your immediate family. I graduated last may, and was pregnant, but I still wanted to go out to dinner with my and my DH’s family to celebrate. Those who are invited should be told to just go and eat and celebrate. I personally don’t see a need for invitations. I talked to my family about it all on email, so they all knew what was happening.

Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I don’t see anything wrong with celebrating your accomplishment even though it’s a month before the wedding.  Personally if anybody complained about it being gift grabby I would politely respond that I wouldn’t be upset if they wanted to wait to congratulate me at my wedding instead.  It’s not like you invited them to the graduation party and followed it up with reminding them to bring a gift.  Your graduation deserves to be celebrated as well so go forward without worry about appearing gift grabby because you’re not.

Post # 4
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Congrats! I’m graduating May 18th, wedding June 7th. My mom specifically said “darn, we can’t have a graduation party now since the wedding is so soon after” and I totally agree. It does appear gift grabby. Two events that close is too much. Just go out with your parents and FI to celebrate. I would not send out invites. 

Post # 5
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t think it looks gift grabby, its a celebration and deserves to be celebrated! I agree to keep it casual and no formal invites and if you want say something like “gifts are not needed” but to be honest I wouldn’t say anything and let people bring a little something if they feel like it and if not, no big deal. 

Post # 6
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Graduate school is no joke!! Although if you were having a big party I’d be like, yeah, maybe that’s too much. But dinner with close family and friends? No harm there! If someone doesn’t like it, they can stay home! Congratulations on both your graduation and wedding!

Post # 7
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

SparkleBee11:  I’m in the same boat. I’ll be graduating May 3rd and getting married June 28th. I don’t think I’ll be having a grad party. I am going to walk at the commencement and invite my closest family and friends to come. I’m going to assume someone will make plans for us to go out to dinner, but I’m not going to plan anything. I feel bad, because I know people will want to give me a gift, and I really don’t want them to with the wedding coming up. But I can’t just say “no gifts”.

ETA: I’ll also be graduating from graduate school. I’m the first in my family, FI’s family, and in my close social circle to do this, so it’s a pretty big deal. But like I said, I just feel really bad.

FI told me “You’re allowed to celebrate yourself. It’s a huge accomplishment and you deserve it”

Post # 9
4762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We had the same issue- my husband and I were both graduating, moving across the country, and getting married within two months. We ended up having a very informal “going away” pizza party after graduating and only a few people brought us a bottle of wine or card. We figured it was less gift-inviting than a graduation party. We also didn’t invite many people who were coming to the wedding. I don’t really think it’s gift grabby, but I can see how some people might.

Post # 10
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

SparkleBee11:  The person who said that is a grouch.  Ignore, and proceed with party.

Post # 11
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You aren’t having tons and tons of people over in a gift expected sort of way. You are going out to eat to celebrate! Totally different to me! If you are worried you can even tell the grad party people not to ring gifts!

Post # 12
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Why the HELL is it gift grabby?  And then what’s the limit on that?  If you’re having a wedding, don’t have a shower a month before- it’s gift grabby!  Oh, and GOD FORBID someone has a baby and is then married just a few months later- or vice versa.  That is so gift grabby!  How dare you have two major life events so close to each other?

Ignore the naysayers.  Have your dinner party.  You’re allowed to celebrate your graduation, regardless of whether it’s a month before your wedding or a year before your wedding.

Post # 13
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Grad school is definitely something to celebrate! That being said, I told my mom I didn’t want a party. I had one for high school and undergrad, but I felt that a grad school party would be overkill, what with the wedding events that will be coming up (we’re getting married next April), and that she already threw us an engagement party.

I did give her the okay to send out an email to family/family friends to let them know they are welcome to join us for the graduation ceremony and out for drinks after. (I don’t have a guest limit, so why not). I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and host a party, but casual drinks after the cermony are okay in my book.

I would just contact people via phone or email, but don’t send out an official invitation. 

Post # 14
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Two different parties, two different events, two different reasons for those events.  Have your party, you should be able to celebrate it!  Other life events shouldn’t be put on hold just because a wedding is in the works.  

Your guests can choose to come or choose not to come, but they shouldn’t be griping to you about it beforehand (or even afterwards).  I think that is totally rude on the part of your family member.  

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