- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
Ok, this is going to be long but I will try and condense it down as best as I can.
My mum died when I was 11. My dad didn’t date until I was 17. He met my stepmother in October 2007 and in November told me they would be moving in together. I was just 18 and had finished school, about to start university and didn’t have a job. I wasn’t invited to live with them. It was my stepmothers rule that once a child turns 18 they should be kicked out of the nest and should support themselves 100%.. (side note: her daughter who is now 20 lives with them, and doesn’t pay board).
He moved in with her April on 2008 and I moved in with now DH. He had just graduated university and was on a low income. Things were very tough financially, but more than anything I struggled with feeling like my dad had abandoned me. We were very close and once he met her he essentially dropped me like a hot potato and became a part of her family.
I tried to include myself in their new family (she has two children in their early thirties who are married and one daughter who is two years younger than myself) but I always felt left out.. they would talk about memories they had, family members I didn’t know.. etc etc.
For some reason, my stepmother HATES me. I know that is a strong word, but I know that she absolutely loathes me. She has said some awful things about me, such as:
– I am a slut (I have been with DH since I was 14)
– My dad and I have an inappropriate relationship, meaning sexual. If we hug or he kisses me on the cheek she gets upset.
– I am selfish, spoilt, ungrateful.. The lost goes on.
At their wedding, which took place in 2009 they asked me to hand the favours out. When I got to her work friends table they treated me like the anti-christ. I actually cried in the bathroom, embarrassed and hurt, because she had obviously told them stories about me.
My stepmother has never been mean to my face.. she is nice as pie to my face, but behind my back the claws come out. It got so bad that my dad actually moved out in 2010, but she reached out to me and said she was sorry for the way she acted, that she loves me dad more than anything, and wanted us to be a family. I accepted this, and they got back together. She came to my wedding in December 2010, and since then things have been.. bearable.
Her old actions are starting to flare up again though. Snidey little comments about things, trying to compete with me for my dad’s affection. (on fathers day I bought him a few gifts and made him some rocky road. She knew my plans and she bought him twice as much stuff and bought him a block of rocky road). It is all stupid stuff but it tears me up inside.. I just want a normal family!
It was DH birthday dinner on Saturday night, and his younger brother is covered in tattoos. She wouldn’t stop staring at him and rolling her eyes when he would speak. It was really embarrassing and my dad just sat there, which reflects badly on him and me. This year it is my turn to have DH and I spend Christmas with my family, but she wants to do something during they day with her kids so dad is telling me he isn’t sure what will happen.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cut my dad out of my life because when she isn’t around he is such a wonderful father, and I am blessed that when my mother died he took care of me like he did.. but the longer he is with her, the more that man slips away and I really can’t stand being around either of them.