- 7 years ago
Hoping to get more feedback on this situation… I wrote a story here once about how Future Mother-In-Law considers FCIL to be one of her children, and FCIL’s daughter to be one of her grandchildren. Basically, FCIL would come over and spend the night/weekends with Fiance and his siblings a lot when they were kids. No biggie, I did that with my cousins too, and my aunt doesn’t go around calling me her daughter. When FCIL was 16, she came to live with Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law for ONE year. She was already in high school and nearly grown at this point. That is the ONLY time she lived with Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law. Yet, Future Mother-In-Law considers FCIL to be her daughter. Future Mother-In-Law says she has five children and three grandchildren, when really, she has four children and two grandchildren. She gets super, highly offended when people insinuate that FCIL is not even remotely her daughter. But, FCIL does not consider Future Mother-In-Law to be her mother. She has a relationship with her actual mother and that is who she calls mom. FCIL calls Future Mother-In-Law by her first name. Yet, FCIL’s kid calls Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law “grandma” and “grandpa”. Even though FCIL’s daughter has two sets of bio grandparents, FCIL still expects Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law to do just as much for her daughter as they do for their REAL grandkids. If Future Mother-In-Law buys future nephew something, FCIL gets mad. If Future Mother-In-Law takes future niece out to eat, FCIL gets mad. It is a completely weird dynamic. FCIL will let anyone know right away that Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law are by no means her parents, yet she expects them to treat her daughter like a grandkid.
Lately, it seems Future Mother-In-Law is really on the defensive about her “daughter”. She always says, “I pretty much raised (FCIL)!” Yet, if you ask FCIL, she’ll tell you that she only lived with the Future In-Laws for a year, as a teen. She does not, at all, consider them to be her parents. Anyway, at the hospital yesterday (FI’s grandma was having surgery), FI’s aunt and I were doing wedding talk. FI’s cousin is getting married, so his aunt is all abreast on wedding topics and such. In the middle of our conversation, Future Mother-In-Law burst in with some random details about FCIL’s wedding. She started bragging about the cake from FCIL’s wedding and shoving pictures in FI’s aunt’s face. When FI’s uncle saw the picture he was like, “Who is that?” and Future Mother-In-Law said, “(FCIL)! She got married in May!” FI’s uncle didn’t even recognize FCIL, at first! He just seemed super confused as to why Future Mother-In-Law was showing off FCIL’s wedding, because she isn’t FCIL’s mother. Future Mother-In-Law got mad because FI’s aunt and uncle did not congratulate her on FCIL’s wedding. Wtf?! She is NOT FCIL’s parent!
Future Mother-In-Law gets mad because nobody in her family nor FFIL’s family consider FCIL to be their daughter, nor do they consider FCIL’s child to be their grandchild (because they aren’t). If someone asks about Fiance, Future Brother-In-Law, or my FSILs, but not FCIL, Future Mother-In-Law gets all bitchy and throws in information about FCIL. Then, people kinda look at her like, “and I care, why?” For instance, a relative asked how Fiance and his siblings are. Future Mother-In-Law goes, “They’re great… and (FCIL) just got married, she’s doing great! (FCIL’s daughter) just started back to school…” Then, the relative was like, “Who is (FCIL)?” This has happened on more than one occasion when Future Mother-In-Law was talking to people from her side of the family. One time I asked Future Sister-In-Law why Future Mother-In-Law calls FCIL’s daughter her grandchild, and Future Sister-In-Law gave a snappy response, “Because she IS my mom’s grandchild.” Umm, no she isn’t?? Fiance does not even consider FCIL to be his sister.
I am sorry, but I just see this whole thing as being totally strange. FCIL ONLY talks to Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law if she wants something from them. They never hear from her until she needs a favor. Like, today, FCIL called Future Mother-In-Law after a week of not talking to her to ask if Future Mother-In-Law would watch her daughter Saturday night. If you in any way insinuate that Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law are her parents, FCIL throws a fit and lets you know really quick like that they had no part in raising her. She constantly bashes and complains about Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law. Yet, she wants Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law to treat her and her daughter as they do their REAL children and grandchildren. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
I am just wondering what other people think about this situation. Do you think it is strange, or normal? It really bothers me a lot because FCIL is very mad that Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are helping pay for my wedding, and didn’t contribute as much to hers. If she considered the Future In-Laws to be her parents, I’d understand. But, she doesn’t! She wants to have her cake and eat it too, I suppose. I know that when it comes time for FCIL and her husband to have a child and for Fiance and I to, things are really going to hit the fan.