(Closed) NWR: To Move Out or Not To Move Out. Time is running out for me…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I move out for 6 months before I get married?
    Yes, move out (even if it's scary as heck) : (21 votes)
    53 %
    No, there's no point/it's too late/save your money : (19 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 3
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    As someone dealing with ansiety and depression issues.. I advice you to take some time for you. Maybe not moving out but take a trip alll by yourself, spend some time with you and for you.

    I was in a pretty dark place a while ago and decided for a semester abroad, it might not be the same as moving in by yourself but I’ve lived at home my entire life and it will be so till I get married (cultural issues) so being away from everything I know helped me clear my head and now I don’t feel the need to “live my life” like everyone say before getting married, cause I know feel like I had my time for myself and now I can join my life with my Fiance.

    Fell free to PM me if you want to talk about it, *HUGS*. =)

    Post # 4
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I am so sorry for your experience in college! I guess I don’t really have an easy answer for you but wanted to comisserate with you. Part of me has always wanted to live on my own…well…with a roommate…and I’ve sort of felt I would never be a real adult until I had done this. Well, life being what is it is, I’m 28, still living at home, in grad school with a part-time job. I’m getting married in less than two months and I’ll never have that experience except for a short stint where I lived with my sister but couldn’t really afford rent.

    It’s sort of a bummer but a while ago I figured there is no point to moving out if I can’t afford it. Why dig myself into a financial hole if my parents are generous enough to let me live with them? Take heart, you aren’t the only one living with their parents. This economy has been rough on lots of people and jobs can be difficult to come by.

    Post # 5
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @CMSnails: Agreed. Im 25, almost 26. I have the “useless” degree as well, and live with my parents. I moved out when I was with my ex and lived with him for a year and half. Even working full time and being student, once all was said and done, when I moved back home I had $3000 in cc debt. If I could go back, I would have never moved in with him and instead saved my money. If I was wiser with my money then, I could have been able to purchase a condo NOW with my Fiance and we could live together. Sadly, that is not the case and we are waiting until we get married to get into our own place.

    I dont see you never living by yourself a bad thing..but if you feel like you need to have your own space for a bit, maybe take a trip somewhere by yourself and spend time alone. That might be enough to keep the feelings that you never lived your OWN independent life at bay.

    Post # 7
    363 posts
    Helper bee

    I understand where you’re coming from.  I also got the useless degree and after college wasn’t able to find a job in that field because I didn’t have the 3-5 years of experience everyone was wanting.  I ended up working in an office as an admin asst basically hating life.   I absolutely hated the job.  It required no thinking whatsoever and I was usually left with about 6 hours a day of nothing to do but try to look busy.  The pay was crap and after paying for my car/insurance, phone, and student loans, I barely had enough to pay for gas to drive to work and have a little fun on the weekends.  So I had to live at home.  After about 7 months of that I decided I was going to go back to school and take some other classes to see if there were other things I was interested in….and to get out of my parents house.  After a semester of doing that I realized that I was over the whole college scene and moved back home.  In the midst of trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life I met Fiance.  He works out of state the majority of the time and after being together for a month he wanted me to go with him.  So we would stay in a motel while on the job and then come back and stay at my moms.  After about 8 months of that we bought a 5th wheel….which I absolutely love when we’re on jobs.  But, when we come back home, guess where we end up? Yep, my mom’s.  I’m about to go effing crazy because we’ve been home for an extended amount of time compared to normal and I feel like we have no privacy, I have no room for our shit, and I never get anytime to be completely by myself unless it’s super late at night.  Anyways, I’m rambling, but I completely understand where you’re coming from. 

    However, you stated that you can’t afford to take a trip.  If you can’t afford to take a long weekend away, how would you be able to afford to move into a place and pay the deposits for utilities, first and last months rent etc.  I think instead of stretching your finances to the limit, you should stay put.  You definitely don’t want to start the marriage out with you in a financial bind.  Do you have any friends that live in the city?  Would you be able to go and spend the weekends with them to just get out and about?  Sometimes when I feel like I’m going to freak the hell out if I don’t get out, I’ll go and spend the night with one of my girlfriends or my sis.  It really helps a lot.

    Post # 8
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    If it means getting into more debt and you can’t support yourself (especially with the added expense of a wedding coming up) I’d say don’t.  

    Living by yourself isn’t so much fun anyway… sure for a while, but it can get lonely too.  Of course the freedom is nice and if it’s something you *really* want to do, perhaps you could rent a small furnished apartment for a couple of months…  but honestly I see it as an unnecessary expense… and if you’re going to have to work night and day to afford it, I’m not sure it’s worth it either.   I would suggest you save up some cash if you’re going to go for it.

    When you move in with your husband it’s going to be a totally different experience than living in a dorm or with your parents.  He’s not going to be there all the time if he works, so you’ll be “on your own” in a new place… with some company at night, which is nice.  🙂

    And don’t feel bad about “what could have been”… I had a very similar experience to yours (went away for college, got extremely depressed and homesick, stupid boyfriend, difficulty with roommates) and in the end I left and went to community college and later to a different university.  I got a degree which I’m not using now, and I sometimes feel like I failed, but everyone’s path in life is different… you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  As long as you’re healthy and have your loved ones, things tend to fall into place.  Just do what you can do better yourself and your situation.

    Post # 9
    3801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @MissTaken: I’m sorry you had such a bad experience in college. My senior year of college was horrible, and I no longer keep in contact with anyone from school. I’m happier that way, but I get sad when I think about how it is supposed to be where you ‘meet your bridesmaids’. I spent the first year out of school upset, lonely, and only had my Fiance to rely on as a friend. It was good for our relationship, but I was sad for a long time. College is such a sucky part of life sometimes!

    I think that if you want to move, experience something new, and have a fresh start before marriage, go right ahead! Why not live somewhere fun for a while? If you have the means to do it, I’d say go for it. However, if you can’t afford it or it would be a stretch, I vote for stay home.

    Either way, I suggest putting together a budget and seeing if it is fesible. If you can, do it, if it isn’t, then enjoy your last months at home! Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that I wont ever live at home again – so enjoy it!

    Post # 10
    9483 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I can relate with depression and anxiety.  I think it’s best to take some time for yourself and help put yourself back together – even if it’s little by little.  Honestly, I would wait to move though.  Don’t add any unnecessary stress.  FI and I finally moved out on our own and I’m more anxious than I have been in awhile.  We are struggling right now to make ends meet because he was laid off again.  I’m taking one day at a time though.

    I am also available to speak with in PM if you need to.  I’ve been battling my depression/anxiety since I was 14.  Maybe even younger.

    Post # 11
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m not really sure that living with your parents is truly what is causing your depression and anxiety. I think it’s that you’ve lost your sense of self. I just don’t think that moving into an apartment will cure this, especially if it will cause financial hardship.

    Instead, I would recommend focusing on yourself. Start taking classes towards a degree in a field that interests you. Start new hobbies where you might meet a group of great, supportive people. The more time you spend outside the house, the less “where” you live will matter. It will simply be a place to keep your clothes and sleep.

    Even if you get your own apartment, sitting on the couch each weeknight eating dinner by yourself is not going to make you feel any better about your situation.

    Post # 12
    335 posts
    Helper bee

    They say that college is supposed to be the best years of your life, but I found that not to be true in my case either. I did have some great experiences, but I also struggled tremendously with depression and anxiety. It wasn’t the fun, carefree time for me that it is for a lot of people. But that’s okay! I’ve found that now that I am older (turning 30 in a couple of months!), despite having more responsibilities, I am happier and more settled than I was in my early 20’s. And you are only 27 – you have your whole life ahead of you. Let the past go, and enjoy your life now 🙂

    Are you seeing a therapist? Regardless of what you do with re: getting an apt (I voted yes, but it’s up to you) you may benefit from it.

    Good luck!

    Post # 13
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Sorry to hear about your past. Big hug! As for moving out 6 months earlier part of me wants you to live your dreams. However, you mentioned money is tight so I think you should stay home and save as much as you can till then. Money is one of the biggest causes for divorce and I would hate for you to get behind and start your new marriage broke and stress. Have you thought of maybe going on a getaway to have some time to yourself?

    Post # 14
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I’m sorry to hear about your past, but I had this thought….Why not go back and get an accoiates degree in something “usefull?” Your student loans would be re deffered, you are about at the age where you would be considered a non-trad, * see more grants and scholarships, and cheap student houseing? 

    I totally get the abusive B/f thing/ bitchy soritory….been there got the tshirt  burned that shit.  I transfered to a different school, dumped his ass, changed my major  and decided that I could either mope or get pissed off and do something.   I work full time, school full time, and you know what, I found me, and what I want to be doing.

    You can do it. I believe in you. Oh, and there is Free therapy when you go to school… I definity had to do my time in that lol You know what your problems were when you went the first time and you know how to avoid them. Find you. find what make you happy and MOVE, because if you stagnate….you’ll be stuck

    good luck! sorry if that was incoherent

    Post # 15
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I consider my college experience to have been pretty positive, and while I still maintain good ties with my friends from college, my bridesmaids are the girls that I became closer with after graduation.

    College is long gone for you, so just focus on the present and the future – a lovely SO, a marriage, a new town to move to – plenty of positives!  You can easily join some a gym or find some classes to meet new people in the new town and you can find that some new energy will make you feel great. 

    That aside, I can understand feeling like you’re in a ‘funk’ and worried about regretting something in the future.  

    A trip on your own seems like a perfect idea, and it doesn’t even have to be expensive.  You could simply go to another city/town a few hours away for one night on a weekend just to experience something new, and you wouldn’t have to pay for much.  Just try one night, make no excuses!


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