NWR Worries over little SIL

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Do you believe it’s wrong for her to move in with someone before they’re engaged?  Is that the concern you have?

It’s a relatively dated concern.  Many many people move in together before they are engaged.  It’s not “wrong,” it’s just her choice.  It’s okay to be worried for her well-being, and that’s great.  But I don’t believe it’s your place (or your FI’s for that matter since the relationship is strained) to say anything.  

Post # 3
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

AlbbieGirl66:  I’m not sure why you are worried.  Do you think she is not mature enough to handle the relationship or becoming a mother?

Post # 4
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

AlbbieGirl66:  Are you worried she’ll be engaged/pregnant because you think she’s too young? She’s 18 and moving out, has a promise/engagement/whatever ring with her BF of two years and I guess I’m not understanding what you’re concerned with? Her age? Her maturity?

Post # 5
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

UMMM yeah she’s 18, that’s a good reason to be worried that she’ll get engaged or pregnant!  Reaslistically neither of those are a good idea when you’re 18 (although some people handle it fine, etc etc).

But I’m not sure what you can really do about it, since you’re not close to her.  Sounds like her parents are making it clear that 18 is too young to be engaged, and hopefully they’ve taught her about birth control.

Post # 6
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

lolot:  Maybe not a good idea, but she’s an adult now and it’s not really OPs place to do anything about it.

Post # 7
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t really get what you’re worried about…

Post # 8
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

 

AlbbieGirl66:  Are you worried she will steal your thunder?

<br />No matter what you’re worried about, try to just live your life.  Unfortunately, you can’t control the actions of others!!

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

AlbbieGirl66:  I don’t really understand what you are concerned about… Many people even younger have promise rings, and many people get engaged and married in less than 2 years of dating… I’m not sure what you are saying is *wrong* here…. Just because you & your guy waited 4 years to move in together doesn’t mean that plan is perfect for everyone. Ya, her getting pregnant is scary, but there is not anything anyone can do about that except to speak with her often about birth control and the risks of not using it…. Reality is she needs to be able to make her own decisions and mistakes, esp. at the ripe age of 18. Naysaying her relationship and life decisions may eventually lead to her becoming distant from the family and making even worse decisions. Ya’ll need to support her, offer your opinion in a very sweet and caring way (We just want to make sure you are happy and were wondering what your plan is for the next 5 years), then drop it and let her figure out where she wants her life to go…. 

Post # 10
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmmmm  based on your post, it’s difficult to understand what it is that you’re worried about.  It’s your SIL’s life and even though she’s really young, her early engagement issue is between her, her parents, and her SO.  Not sure what it is that you’re wanting to do here.

Post # 11
Member
3934 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

AlbbieGirl66:   I’m not sure what you are worried about – her dishonesty to her parents about being (or not being) engaged?   If she is being dishonest, her chickens will come home to roost.   It’s sweet of you to care, but let her learn her own lessons, and be there for support if she needs it.  

Post # 13
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

AlbbieGirl66:  It does suck when there is always someone who feels the need to be center of attention but unfortunately that’s just how it is :-/

There will always be something else going on in your families’ lives while you’re having big life events.

It is petty, but I know how you feel. Our engagement was overshadowed a little by his brother’s divorce. We were all there for him through the whole thing and just the one night my FI calls to tell his mom he proposed this is exactly what she said “Oh great! So did you hear what Brother did?” and talked about the brother for a half hour. She couldn’t even take two seconds to be happy for us.

But you gotta move on! I was just pissed because it really hurt my FI’s feelings.

 

Post # 15
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

AlbbieGirl66:  Oh, ok.  I thought you were concerned about her as a person.  You are concerned about whether people are paying enough attention to you?

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