(Closed) NY Times Vows Section – Anyone else read this?

posted 7 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think that is really awful. It makes for an interesting read, but I think NYtimes is pandering by writing this article about two people who broke up a marriage to fulfill their own selfish desires. I believe in a lifelong commitment, so even if a person meets their “soulmate” after they made that commitment, there’s nothing to be done except to move as far away from the person causing temptation as possible. I honestly find this appalling.

Post # 4
Member
4510 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow. No, I didn’t see that, but I see why it’s caused an uproar. What a story. I’ve never seen a wedding profile like that in the Times before. There are enough people pushing for a feature article in the weddings section that I’m really surprised they ran this one. 

 

Post # 5
Member
4510 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

P.S. What really bugs me about this is not that they couple did this–that’s on them–but that they wanted to have their story published in the NYT! I mean, that’s just downright crass to rub it in their former spouses’ faces. The more I think about it, the worse it seems to me. 

Post # 6
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@stillme: Didn’t even think about the fact that this couple actually requested their story be told in the paper. Is that like a “Hey, this is completely okay to do! Everyone, join us in celebrating our revolution in marriage!”

Post # 7
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

The NY Times is a paper that can be designed for people of NY status, so I am not surprised at all that this is featured! 

 

Post # 9
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

At least it’s honest. Bad situation? Yes. I’m not sure why it’s kinda being glorified. But best wishes to them. At least they didn’t have an affair.

Post # 10
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Whats wrong with the article?

Post # 11
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I feel sorry for the kids… I couldn’t imagine being a NYC kid who goes to private schools, and having that story come out in the paper, that’s an embarrassing situation for kids to face. 

I also agree it was very selfish of the parents, I agree with @pamplemousse, you make a lifelong commitment when you get married, if you find your “soulmate” after that, it doesn’t lessen your commitment to your current spouse. No one ever said marriage is easy.

Post # 12
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think it’s weird there was a comments section on them!

Post # 13
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

@miss-spunkin:Hypothetical-  If my guy found a new “soulmate”, he’d be doing me a favor in leaving me. Why would I want to be with a guy who is in love with another woman?

Post # 14
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m glad they’re happy, but this is so disrespectful to their ex-spouses to feature themselves as the main vows story. they shouldn’t have applied for the NYT.

and of course they tell the paper they didn’t have an affair, but who knows the real story..

Post # 15
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I dont get what the problem is honestly.  Newspapers report news and real life events that is supposed to be unbiased. So that means all stories whether we approve of them or not.  They have profiled arranged marriages, interracial marriages, interfaith marriages and we all know there are people out there that consider those “unethical” or “against gods will”.

I think the argument could be made that they made the smart, adult decision. They didn’t have an affair to be found out later. They addressed their feelings and went about making the situation work without deceit.  Would people have preferred if they had an affair for 5 years carting their kids to babysitters so they could have a quickie at a local hotel?  

And I don’t think that “those poor kids” will suffer, no more so then if their parents had an affair and the same parents would be speaking about that. this way the situation can be explained to the kids and they can be taught to make the best decision when in a difficult situation- a decision that may not always be popular.

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The thing that got to me about this article is “As Mr. Partilla saw it, their options were either to act on their feelings and break up their marriages or to deny their feelings and live dishonestly.”  How about acknowledging honestly to themselves that they had those feelings, but recognizing that feelings for others can come and go in a marriage, and that the important thing is to honor the commitments they already have?

It’s one of the things that often bugs me in discussions of bachelor parties, when brides start saying, “If he loves me, he isn’t interested in other women.”  The fact is, you cannot control your feelings.  After a few years, the initial excitement with your spouse goes away, even if you love your spouse.  And you may develop feelings for someone else, which are more exciting because they are newer.  You can’t necessarily change your feelings.  However, a mature person recognizes that the feelings for the new person do not mean that you would be happier with that person, because you once had those feelings for the existing spouse.  And that the initial excitement about a new person will often make you blind to the new person’s flaws.

Unfortunately, neither the wedding sites nor the news media deal honestly with the fact that most married people at some time develop feelings for someone other than the person to whom they are married.  So you see couples like this one, who think that their only alternative when those feelings arise is to break up the existing marriage.

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