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So....I am sure I am not the only one to receive comments on their e-ring that they don't quite know how to interpret. Actually, I know how to interpret them but I never know how to respond at the time other than just bite my tongue.
I had my shower in NYC recently and although I was looking forward to it, I was dreading the NYC girl comments on my ring. I live in DC and by no means have a NYC ring but I don't want one either. I am not flashy, I don't live beyond my means, etc.
Keep in mind these are from cousins (FAMILY):
"Oh, that's very appropriate for DC" = To me that means it's conservative...why would you say that. Might as well just say, "That is perfect for the Arctic Tundra where on one has rings, and there is no one there to see it"
"Let me see your ring! Oh....it's...cute!" = um? cute?
"Awww your ring...omg have you seen (newly engaged cousin's)? It's amazing!"
There were other comments too but I think they were nice. Why can't people just say it's beautiful and be done with it. I have a pretty tough skin but I knew the comments were coming but I didn't expect them to come from who they did.
What are some of the most obnoxious comments you bees have received?
People are stupid. The only semi-negative comment I've gotten is when my mom said something in front of my cousin's about my fi ordering my ring online (He got it via bluenile) and they were like....... OMG HE GOT IT ONLINE?! as though that was a terrible thing. I mitigated by just saying "Yep! he knew I wanted a cushion cut diamond and those are almost impossible to find in NORMAL jewelry stores so he had to special order it for me." hahaha. I think it is all about framing the situation.
I know how you feel. My MOM even said something off handed to me the day after we got engaged like, for what he paid, I wish he could've gotten a bigger diamond. UHHHH? WHAT?! Why would you even say that? It's not even a small diamond.
Rings are a ridiculous part of the whole thing.. I've been amazed at the comments from people... from a random girl at the movies asking if I would take off my ring, so she could see it.. (seriously?) to an acquaintance asking for every single spec on my ring.. 'how big is the diamond?' 'what is the total weight of the diamonds on the band?' Then when I responded (because I didn't know how to say, YOU ARE SO RUDE, DON'T ASK ME THAT), she goes, 'oh, okay, mine's bigger.'
People are nuts. Absolutely nuts.
i had someone say to me, "your ring is pretty! i just don't think i would have gone with such a plain band...it's just so..PLAIN" (i have a super sparkly solitaire that *i* picked out!). WTF?
i've also had another friend say this to me (knowing my ring was pretty expensive because she went ONLINE and figured it out)--"i don't know why people spend xxxx amount on a diamond ring. i would rather buy a nice used car with that money or put it towards something useful".
i am not normally a violent person, but whenever people make a snarky comment about my ring, i want to punch them in the face.
I don't think it's crazy, I think it's unbelievably rude! I don't blame anyone for wanting to punch someone who would say something obnoxious.
people are so rude. I agree with Corgi, its all about framing it. But sometimes you are taken so off guard by the snark that you can't think of something awesome to say back :(
A couple weeks after we were engaged, I ran into a friend who had told EVERYBODY that she and her then BF were about to get engaged, had gone ring shopping, etc. She asked to see my ring, I handed over my hand. She says to me "Aww, I love the setting but I would want a much bigger stone." Ummmm, what? That is so rude. Also, my diamond is not ginormous, but it is over 1 ct, so I personally don't think it's all that small. I just sort of shook it off but I was so taken aback! It also made me way self-conscious about the size of my ring. She now has her ring and I would say it is probably over 2 carats so I guess she got what she wanted!
Since FH and I picked out my ring together after we got engaged, he bought me a cute litte sterling silver CZ as a placemaker until the real thing arrived in 4 weeks.
So, we saw his sister and she's eyeing up my fake ring (which was a three stone, center stone probably equivalent to 1 carat) and asks to look at it. And I tell her, well this is the placemaker, my ring had to be custom ordered. And then I showed her a picture of my real ring.
And she says "Oh good, I thought [FH] had more sense than that!" As in - he'd be an idiot to buy a big diamond?!?
The kicker? My e-ring has a 1.07 carat center diamond in a halo setting. And some mini diamonds on the band. So it's actually bigger than my fake ring that she found to be so ostentatious.
I told FH this and he just said "really, she said that?!? Don't let her make you upset - you like it and that's what matters." Such a sweetie.
hmmm...I'm an "NYC girl" living in DC and I would never make such rude comments. My entire family and SO's live there and they wouldn't say such things either. Not sure it's a regional thing at all so I would refrain from making that generalization. People are rude everywhere as I'm sure other bees can attest to.
@ Uskadelig - she said hers was bigger???? I would have lost it. All, it's so good to hear I am not the only one. I am proud of all of you for showing restraint. I am trying to focus on the amazing relationship I have with my man and a ring doesn't define that - BUT the rudeness is unreal. You all have some pretty shocking stories.
@jjilyeah - You are right. I am sorry...I meant the rudeness happens everywhere...but generally rings are bigger in NYC and LA and I was just nervous heading up there :)
The rudest comment I've ever gotten was from my aunt. My ring has an aquamarine center stone, so it's somewhat non-traditional. My aunt took one look, BURST out laughing, and goes, "do you LIKE that?!" To this day, I am impressed with myself for responding as tactfully as I did.
Ouch. My e-ring is not large, about 1 carat, but I have very small fingers so it tends to look larger on my finger. A friend told asked me if it was fake. LOL.
Cheese_Fries: I KNOW! The ring rudeness really shows peoples' insecurities. The saddest thing about that particular situation is that we're really good friends with her FI and what she doesn't know is that he signed up for all those weird medical testing experiements that you hear advertised on TV just to be able to pay for her ring. Seriously... people, get your priorities straight!
I have people who look at my ring and say: "Hmmm...that's interesting." And there is another instance where there is this one girl at work looking at pictures of my wedding set and looking at the no frills wedding set of another co-worker. She said to me: "I'd rather have her ring." Honestly, I think people are taken aback when they see something that's not the "typical" wedding set. This is what I've discovered at least.
Just rise above such comments. None of them are about you, a put-together, secure person would not say such things to someone who obviously adores her ring -- so would have to conclude that they have some sort of insecurities within themselves they are dealing with -- consciously or subconciously... I have been surprised, and often hurt by some comments I have received regarding all sorts of aspects of the wedding. I've learned that in response, you just show compassion and patience, because weddings seem to bring out all kind of emotions from different people. As long as YOU are happy with your ring -- your fiance chose it for YOU, how special is that :) ! -- that's all that matters.
I had someone say to me, "OMG! That ring is amazing! Is it real? It can't be real! Can you take it off so I can get a closer look?"
I said, "No, I can't take it off because it isn't real. It's imaginary and you can't look any closer at an imaginary ring."
"Ok, but is the diamond real?"
Really? I just rolled my eyes.
I have to say, while mine IS real, my sister has been married for 26 years and has been wearing a very high quality CZ set in sterling silver all these years. No one could ever tell the difference unless they had one of those magnifying eye piece things. They were engaged at 18 and married at 19. The plan was to buy a more expensive ring later, but she just loves her ring and now and she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It is beautiful! So, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter, and whose business is it anyway what you wear on YOUR finger for the rest of your life? :)
I have a round halo setting, and my sister said it was "small" and she would not accept a diamond smaller than the size of the ENTIRE setting. That would be like 3 carats. Good luck with that.
I really only got one mean spririted comment. I have a .75 carat center stone in a halo setting, so the diamond looks much bigger than it actually is which is great, but a friend of mine who knew how big it really was and who has a carat center stone looked at it and said, "wow its pretty but yours isn't a full carat is it? Mine will be 2 carats with the band we get." WTF?
I mean, if you have the means, great. But not every couple places a high importance on the ring either. Just because you can afford it...doesn't mean you have to. We are very practical. I don't even think my diamond is small at all - that's the thing. It's like people just say mean things for the fun of it. But it is about framing it. You all are so right, I should rise above and tie my hands together. And start doing yoga :) The comments rarely happen...but when it was at a happy shower for me filled with love and happiness...the comments really stood out.
haha I second a lot of what people have said...people are just stupid and petty sometimes. If you've seen my ring, I have one larger diamond surrounded by lots and lots of little tiny diamonds. My FSIL said to me "Well I certainly wouldn't want any little diamonds on my ring--I'd rather spend my money on a bigger, nicer diamond." I just looked at her and said "Well I love every single little diamond on my ring."
Just take comfort in the fact that the only one who has to love your ring is YOU!
A friend said "Oh it's so small!" to which I replied "I think you mean, dainty and perfect for me". She was suitably embarrassed enough to apologize and none of my other friends have said anything to my face about it.
@octopus: I have an aquamarine, too! Don't you just love it? My heart flutters a little every time I look at it and think of all the care and love that my honey put into choosing it and putting it together for me.
Mine is an oval aquamarine in a halo setting -- simply gorgeous. The rudest comment I've gotten was from an older friend who looked at it and said, "what is it?" and I said, "it's an aquamarine." And she says, "No, I mean what kind of ring is it? It's obviously not an engagement ring. When are you going to get an ENGAGEMENT ring? You know, with a DIAMOND?"
Sheesh.
Argh, my aunt, uncle and cousins annoyed me with their comments. My ring is a 3 stone, totalling 1.3 ct. I picked out the ring myself and the size of the diamonds that I thought would look best on my finger. I absolutely love my ring but when they saw it, they said things like "why didn't you get a bigger ring?", "I thought you were supposed to spend 3 months salary on a ring" and "he has such a well-paying job, why didn't he get you a nicer ring?" Just thinking about it right now is pissing me off!!
When I got engaged, I got a lot of these kinds of comments. The most memorable being from a friend of a friend, who when she saw it said "Aww, that's cute. Do you think you'll ever want a bigger diamond?" Um, no. My ring is a .33 carat center diamond with 3 small diamonds channel set into the sides of the band. Yes, my center stone is only a third of a carat, but I WANTED a small stone, because a) I have skinny fingers b) I don't like big bling and c) it will be less expensive to replace, in the unthinkable scenario that I lose it. :)
I'm a NYC girl too, and I'd never make such horrible comments! I'm sorry they said such things to you. :( I have a "non traditional" e-ring -blue sapphire with a diamond on each side, and my FI's own mother asked me if that's what I really wanted. Sheesh.
Ha, these are terrible! Sometimes you just have to wonder, do these people have any tact? My favorite was while sitting at lunch with my friend the day after we got engaged. She has been engaged for over a year.
Her: Let me see that ring!!!!! Oh, it's so tiny (mine is .76 carats..not small especially on my size 4.5 finger!). I like the solitaire, I am so mad that my fiance got me the wrong ring. I just don't have the heart to tell him that I wanted a solitaire. I mean I tell him all the time that my diamond is too small (note: her center diamond is 1.5 carats, I think, with both side stones at .6 carats each..over 2.5 total carat weight!!!) I really wanted a 2.5 carat solitaire. Oh well, I'll upgrade it in a few years...oh but yours is so cute and tiny! It fits you well...
ummm...what?!??
@mssocks: Great response!
People just have no couth at all! When I got engaged, the FIRST question I got from quite a few people was "so how big is it?" Mind you, I had not shown any of the people any pictures - nothing - but that was the first comment. I was like, seriously?!? Why would YOU even care? My response to them was, "It's exactly what I told him I wanted."
One of my best girlfriends who had gotten married about a year prior to my engagement actually had my least favorite reaction of any one I've received. She asked to see it and when I showed it to her she looked at it and then immediately changed the conversation. I guess it's better for her not to say anything that to say something not nice? Alot of people comment that it's "simple", which doesn't bother me b/c thats exactly what I wanted! I heart my simple, unadorned, imperfect ring. :o)
Sorry everyone has had horrible things said. Seriously don't understand how people end up with ZERO manners. Makes me want to have 50 babies just to raise them right to offset all the rude people out there.
OMG. I just can't believe people. Why do they care??? I have an heirloom e-ring, but it has taken me awhile to get used to because I wanted something really plain. Now when people comment on my ring sometimes I want to say, yeah, it's gorgeous, but - FYI - I would have married him for a Cracker Jacks ring. Ugh! I hope you can just ignore those people.
Funny that you say this is a NY thing. :o) I live in DC, too, and I CANNOT believe all the 22-yo interns floating around this city with 3-carat rocks.
People ask me if mine is "real" all the time, and I have no idea how to respond. When I say, yes of course, then they kind of act like I'm lying. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO TELL YOU IF MY RING IS REAL? I work at a hardware store and I'm pretty young so I guess ppl are surprised I have nice jewelry, but come on. If it were fake I wouldn't admit it anyway, so lets just save ourselves the trouble.
This is just one more thing that makes me glad we didn't have e-rings at all. We had plain gold bands as wedding rings, but those don't draw the kind of comparisons that e-rings do.
My ring is a round brilliant 6 prong solitaire, I believe to be slightly over 2 carats (I've never actually asked my DH since I think it's rude to ask!). What I find rude is when people look at it and say "Wow, how big is it??" I usually respond "I don't actually know, I thought it was a rude question to ask my DH!"
I also had a friend who is painfully single ask to try it on (which I don't mind BTW), gaze at her hand and say "Yeah, I like this setting, but I'd want something BIGGER". Um.. it's 2 carats.. really? I don't know, in my opinion our lifestyles don't work with a bigger stone since we don't get chauffered to work in a black car, we take the subway.. you know?
Mine was after I had gotten married. A co-worker (whose fiance took her grandmother's stone and paid for a setting), came up to me after I was married and said, "Oh...see look! It looks so much better now that you have the set."
Hmm...so you didn't like it before my wedding band was there...way to subtly say that!
I honestly can't believe the audacity that some people have. It doesn't matter how big the ring is, it's what you want, and as long as you're happy, people need to shut up!
A few years back, a co-worker once made a "wow that's huge, is it real" comment to another girl at the office. Another co-worker said "you shouldn't have said that, it was rude." She responded (seemingly sincerely) that she figured the girl would want a fuss made over the ring... otherwise she would have gotten something more understated. In other words, I guess she thought she was paying her a compliment? I dunno.
I haven't gotten any rude comments... my mom asked me over the phone (before she saw it) how big it was... but I don't think that is rude coming from my mom.
@texaslawgirl: I hate the "is it real?" question. I wish I could just say: "Well damn, girl," (cuz it's only women who seem to ask) "even if it's not a diamond it's still a real gemstone! Why don't you just be upfront about what you mean and say IS IT A DIAMOND? Only diamonds count!" But no, I don't have it in me to be that rude back to them.
I havent' had anyone say anything rude about my ring. I guess I'm lucky that I have only had nice comments. Although one of my best friends has had me show it to her multiple times and then said absolutley nothing. She just grabs my hand, looks at it, and then says nothing. It's so weird.
I am sorry to hear that people sometimes have unkind things to say! I have to say, I grew up in Indiana and I now live in Boston, and I have definitely noticed that there are regional differences between what people think is "big" or "small" for an engagement ring. In Indiana, most people seem to think my ring is excessive, but in Boston, its definitely on the smaller side of things. I guess its all relative!
I'm a NYC girl (born and raised whoop whoop) and I'm sorry that your family is making you have a negative view on us NYC girls =(
I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with where people (who make comments like that) are from, it's all about how they were brought up!
Hopefully your experiences with NYC girls will get better here on the BEE!!
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