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My FI actually just thinks its cute. And he occasionally says "Hey, why don't you ask "this question" on that wedding board you go to and see what they say!
Just laugh and respond "You'll thank me once you see how many great ideas I have for our wedding!"
Boys don't have the same "wedding gene" that we do! If it gets to be too much, just gently remind him that you are doing all of the research for BOTH OF YOU. For YOUR wedding together!
I'd say I was doing "research" because you want to have a cost-effective wedding. Let him know you'd be more than happy to stop your research and just purchase whatever you want, and that he better get out his checkbook :-) That'll shut his mouth very quickly!
Is he saying it lightheartedly? Or does he seemed aggravated? He needs to give a little, I'd think. Girls love this stuff. Did you explain to him that you were dreaming of this since you were three? (Maybe it's just me.)
Maybe he's feeling other things. Are you giving up FI time to spend time doing wedding stuff? Is he concerned that the budget will get out of hand?
Maybe it's nothing. Maybe he just doesn't "get it" because he's a boy. But try to see if you can figure out if it's something more. If not, then explain to him this is like your Super Bowl or you Porsche 911. He'll be able to relate to that.
My fiance thinks I'm spending too much time looking at the wrong things; he would rather I focus on the invitations and the food, but I'm more interested in the decor and logistics of it all right now. He's been a pretty good sport, so I just try to appease him and show him some stuff that he'll be more interested in and then go back to my stuff! We still have a few months, so I'm just enjoying not feeling pressured and considering all my options.
My fiance thinks I am obsessed but he doesn't understand that I really enjoy the planning. He sees it as work; I think it is fun!
I do find that I tend to "obsess" over certain things. Right now it is invitations. Two days ago it was china patterns. But I love this!!
Oh lord, my fiance says the same thing. Early on in our planning he designated "no wedding wednesday" and I wasn't allowed to talk about the wedding, ask him anything about the wedding, or be on my laptop AT ALL. "No wedding wednesday" has stopped as we get clsoer to the date but it's totally normal! Think about how many times he discusses sports or something. It's your new hobby and he should recognize that and deal with it. Besides, boys have no idea what goes into planning - it's a process! Good luck!
Oh man.. I just read "no wedding Wednesday" to my fiance and he said yeah that's a good idea and wants to implement it. DOH!!
My husband had (and continues to have) NO IDEA what it takes to plan a wedding. He also wasn't invested in most of the planning. He just wanted to be married.
So I think he didn't understand all the research I did.
Your hubby is probably the same way.
I really doubt you're obsessed.
I am obsessed and proud!!
I think it's like the SATC movie...men are only really interested in the purpose: you and him together. They don't care about the process: the wedding and planning. Don't get annoyed with him, he's just more focused on the Ever After part than the wedding.
Haha MightySapphire... me too! Obessed and Proud. I do try to contain myself, but how many times in your life are you going to really be able to be SOOO obsessed about something that is actually for the benefit of BOTH of you!
OMG, my FH used to say stuff like that to me all the time. He couldn't get excited about it until he felt like he had a stake in it, so as it was his turn to find the wedding bands and help choose favors, he started to appreciate all the research I had basically done for him. Just tell him it hurts your feelings and at the very least maybe you can trick him into to taking you for ice cream to say sorry ;)
My FI sometimes will call me "bridezilla" but it is only in jest. I know it is a joke and it doesn't bother me. He is interested in the big picture and likes to partake in decision making but gets overloaded with details easily.
My fiance is baffled that I will spend $10 on a wedding magazine only to rip the pages out.
Yes my fiance teases me all the time. I have to buy my wedding magazines when he is not around. Although he has to give credit for some of the good ideas I've found from magazines, blogs etc. He also was the one who encouraged me to start my own wedding blog...so some of the obsession is from his own doing.
@ angelastheboss: I wish I could rip the pages out, but I feel guilty ruining my favorite Martha magazine etc. Instead I mark with post-its and now I have a pile of magazines in his room because I ran out of room...
Thanks for all the responses. I know he's usually just teasing (he calls me Bridezilla too but I KNOW that's a joke!) and was just looking to know I wasn't alone. :-)
And usually his teasing doesn't get to me but sometimes it bugs me!
Hey Lori,
If your fiance's comments are bothering you, why don't you sit down with him and ask him how he's feeling about the wedding planning? He's probably kidding you, like you said. I know you don't think you're overdoing it---none of us ever do---but maybe he is feeling overwhelmed too. Sometimes men have a hard time stating or taking the initiative in satisfying their emotional needs---especially when they perceive that doing so would hurt their partner. He knows the wedding is important to you and he wants to be married too...but he misses the shared interests of the old pre-engagement days. He tries to keep quiet but sometimes his frustration escapes in these comments.
I recommend regular wedding-planning moratoriums for every obsessed bride :). If it helps you feel better, my husband and I encountered this situation too, and taking a break did wonders for us. It wasn't until I had to keep from looking at or discussing weddings for even a whole weekend that I realized just how immersed I was in them!
You can also find ways for him to be involved in the process, based on what he's interested in and what he has a stake in. My husband found our DJ and the hotels and honeymoon all by himself. He also enjoyed picking out rings. When you get to these points in your planning, hopefully he will be more excited and involved. Good luck!
Last night, I told Mr. Doctor that the reason I am so obsessed with all things wedding is that it is a reminder of all the loving, creative work that I'm going to invest into our life together... and that I'm so excited about being married to him that this is a productive way to channel all of that energy.
He got a huge grin on his face and said, "You don't talk about it too much, and I think it is adorable that you are spending so much time and effort on our wedding."
I knew there was a reason I adored that guy!
aww.. i'm sorry most of you brides' FH's are calling you obsessed and what not! i honestly cannot relate cause my FH has gone as nuts as i have with all this wedding stuff! and with some things, he's more nuts than i am!
maybe if you give them something to do research on that you think they'd be interested in, they'll get as involved as you will and quit calling y'all obsessed! my suggestion... make them go crazy with picking out tux patterns! FH is going nuts right now with that! ![]()
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Anyone else have FI who calls them "obsessed" with everything having to do with weddings?
I enjoy surfing the Web and looking for ideas and bookmarking them. Since we're not getting married until next summer that's pretty much all I do and occassionally show my love a picture or share an idea. Every time he sees me on my laptop on this site or any other wedding site he calls me obsessed and he's really starting to piss me off! Anyone in this boat too?