Post # 1
So, today my fiance suggested that we get married at the beginning of the summer (JOP) and then go ahead with our wedding later that summer. I told him that I didn’t want to do that b/c I wanted to actually be getting MARRIED the day of the ceremony and it would take away the specialness of the wedding. He then proceeded to ask me why I was so “obsessed” with the ceremony. I told him I wasn’t obsessed and we kind of dropped it, but it really irritates me when people (incl. my fiance, but as well as others–mostly only males!) who don’t value the ceremony/wedding as much as I do acting as though putting ANY importance into having a wedding is ridiculous.
I am INCREDIBLY far from being “obsessed” by any stretch of the imagination. I care about it being pretty, having good pictures, and making sure the people I care about are there and all have fun. I’m totally fine with having a pizza reception, with making my own centerpieces out of LED candles and vellum (it would be cute, I promise!), we’re keeping the guestlist under 100 (even though there are more folks I would like to invite), I kept my dress under $1000–and even that was only b/c my godmother offered to pay for it. I don’t think I am asking for a lot by any means. Before the wedding I was not talking about, planning, or even thinking about the wedding–so all thoughts wedding-related occurred only since September. In what world is that obsessed?
When I was sad/disappointed b/c I wasn’t sure that we would be able to have a wedding at all a (male) friend of mine was telling me how unimportant the ceremony is because “the important thing is that we are together.” Well no s&*%. If I had to choose btwn having a wedding or having my (future) husband, OF COURSE I would pick him. That has nothing to do with whether or not I would be disappointed to not have a wedding ceremony.
No one accuses people of being “obsessed” with things like graduating,which are equally “irrelevant”. Your diploma can be mailed to you just as easily as handed to you–and in fact, you don’t even GET your diploma most of the time at graduation. It’s TOTALLY about the “show”. I just feel sick of being forced to justify something that clearly means something to me & being made to feel like I am doing something “wrong” for caring about a “stupid” wedding ceremony. I care. And there is nothing wrong with caring. So suck it!
Post # 3
This is such a great post. Congrats to you on sticking to your guns and not allowing other people to convice you that you’re somehow strange for caring about your wedding.
Post # 4
So sorry that you aren’t be as supported as you would have liked. I imagine that once you explain why you feel the way you do as well as you did in the above comment, they’ll see how reasonable you are being.
Loved the suck it on the end! I feel that way sometimes too, but usually about traffic. 🙂
Post # 5
but why does your FI want a JOP wedding in the beginning of the summer if you guys are going to follow through with a wedding at the end of the summer anyways?
Post # 6
I think people sometimes let the reception/party portion of a wedding overshadow the ceremony/marriage part. And, the marriage part is really what the wedding is about. I think you are keeping your priorities straight, NOT being obsessed. Stay strong lady!
Post # 7
@dande – Not 100% sure of his logic. I know he is incredibly enthusiastic about BEING married; less so about GETTING married. He said that he thought it would be great to be able to spend the summer as a married couple–go to dinner as married, him get to go to my graduation as my “husband” instead of fiance, etc. I think I understand what he is saying, but to me, that would take away a lot of my excitement about the wedding, and it would feel phony and kind of pointless, since we aren’t actually DOING anything. I also think my friends would be less enthusiastic about coming, since almost no one is local & has a long trip to make out to Cali. It’s either that or not tell anyone, which seems to take away the point of “being” married.
It’s also basically a 2 month difference. If he wanted to be married to me so bad, he should have proposed sooner!! (I think that will be my response from now on!! He could wait 6 years to propose, he can wait 2 extra months to be married!)
Post # 8
I think the proposing earlier response is fantastic! Everyone deserves to be a little selfish once in awhile and definitely on their wedding day. Women have been dreaming over their wedding since they were little girls. Do not deny yourself the pleasure! I also agree about the wedding being more special when its the actual marriage ceremony. FI and I were debating getting married with a JOP for insurance purposes when he lost his job, but then decided we would wait it out for a few months until the actual wedding.