- 4 years ago
This is my first post here even though I’ve been lurking for a while. I really need some advice because I believe that my obsessions are affecting my relationship and driving me crazy. I hope that you would take the time to read my post in its entirety and offer me some advice please.
My fiance and I have been friends for a really long time. In our college years, we got together and we have been inseparable. I love him very much and we have never been through any major problems… until recently. We have been together for five years.
This might sound immature to some but it is affecting me terribly and I’m afraid I might lose him. I have a problem with control. It never reared its head until I began obsessing over our impending marriage. I wanted everything to be perfect when I got engaged. I wanted the beautiful beautiful proposal, the beautiful ring. I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect. I believed that unless I stepped in, everything would not be perfect. How wrong was I! I searched for rings for months, both online and in person.
Eventually we decided to make an out of state trip to nyc on vacation. We searched and searched and our trip was a short one. We narrowed it down to two rings. One was exactly what I was looking for but the sellers were very pushy and forcing us to purchase. The other ring was nice, came with a band and the seller was not pushy and we felt confortable.
I always second guess myself. We decided to look around some more and came up with nothing. We finally decided that our intention was to get the ring and we purchased it from the second seller. This was since the summer of last year. Since then, I can’t forget the other ring. I think it was everything I wanted and I can’t sleep properly because I am only thinking about it. I keep thinking about it being perfect and having a bigger diamond.
I obsessed so much about having everything perfect that on the day of our anniversary earlier this year when my boyfriend picked me up to take me out, I thought he was gonna take me to a restuarant I never went to but I didn’t think I would like. I flipped out and told him to take me home. He even offered to take me wherever I wanted but I was so clouded in judgement, I just wanted to go home, Little did I know that he was gonna propose to me that night. He was so frustrated, he ripped the card he bought for me in half. In it, he asked me to marry him. I have it but I still can’t bring myself to read what is in it.
On Valentine’s Day, I thought he would propose but he told me he had the ring but was afraid I would think the proposal was not good enough. After Valentine’s Day, we discussed it and we decided to get engaged. He went down on one knee, nothing fancy and we went out to dinner. I was happy. But then the obsessions began.
I kept thinking that he spent almost 4000.00 on a ring and it was not perfect. I didn’t get the wonderful over the top proposal. I know he loves me and I know he is trying with me but I can’t help but feel this way. I know we have something good but my controlling nature is taking over. He said he is not changing the ring. He said that is it. That’s the one I wanted. That’s the one we went through all the trouble for. There is no option to change setting or anything. This is the one.
He said that I don’t appreciate what I have and that people would be happy to have one quarter of what I did. I just can’t help but get over my thoughts and obsessions. I keep thinking about the amount of money he spent, thinking I have to wear this for the rest of my life and keep thinking of other people who have bigger diamonds and paid much less than me. There is also a space between the halo and my diamond which the other one didn’t have. I don’t want the space. The diamond is much smaller. I keep thinking why did I want it and spend so much money.
I really love my fiance. He has been with me though every difficult moment in my life. I had a really rough relationship before and it took a toll on me and he has been with me helping me every step of the way, encouraging me to seek help. I know all his family, they know me. I just want to be happy. I know I have something good.
I never use to obsess over material things. All of a sudden, now I want this and that and I really don’t know how to stop and appreciate my ring and the love my fiance has for me. I keep thinking about the money spent, the smaller diamond, that mine is two pieces while others have three pieces. Help! Please help!