Post # 1
So I was talking with my sister, and mentioned how proud I was of DH for losing 25 pounds. He has VISIBLE abs now, it’s pretty exciting. Anyway, she just straight up said “Well, I hate to say it, but he’s probably cheating on you. Guys don’t care about what they look like unless they’re trying to lure in a new woman.”
Whaaaaaaat?! Is it not possible that someone would just want to take care of themselves? I’m happy for DH, because he looks better and feels better now. I never see a friend’s husband tone up and think “Wow, he must be cheating on her.” But, I do know it’s one of those cliche “signs he’s cheating.”
When you see something like that, do you jump to conclusions? Or is my sister ridiculous? If a friend’s husband works late, I assume he’s working. If he buys her flowers, I assume he loves her and wanted her to be happy. Am I alone here?
Post # 3
@QueenOfSerendip: No, you’re not alone. It’s ridiculous to jump to a conclusion of ‘cheating!!’ because your DH lost some weight. So, if this is a rule that she uses, are all women trying to lose weight cheating? The two things do not equate.
Weight loss =/= cheating on your spouse.
Post # 4
I think that’s ridiculous. If he is hiding his phone, putting passwords on things, all of a sudden always coming home late with lame excuses then I would think something is up. I take pride in staying fit. I exercise and eat well. It’s not because i’m cheating or looking to. Why can’t a man feel the same way?
Post # 5
Your sister is ridiculous, and an awful friend to you. My FI has lost about 15 lbs, and being that we’re one of those annoying couples that do almost everything together and he never “works late”, I can guarantee with 100% certainty that he’s as faithful as they come. Congrats to your husband, I hope he keeps up the good work.
ETA: I’ve also lost about 10 lbs in the last several months. I sure hope I’m not cheating behind my own back…
Post # 6
@QueenOfSerendip: I think what she said was ridiculous and a horrible thing to say. Who says that to somebody?! I don’t think you have anything to worry about and can just be proud of your husband for being healthy!
Post # 7
@QueenOfSerendip: so married people should be fat? your sis sounds like a doll.
Post # 8
@QueenOfSerendip: cheating is not the first thing i would think of if my dh lost weight.
Post # 9
@QueenOfSerendip: I’m with you on this one. I wouldn’t consider myself a naive person, but I trust the ones I love. I actually feel really bad for people who just assume the worst. I remember I had a conversation years ago with a good friend of mine. I told her that I know my SO would never cheat on me. Her response was that you never know and that anyone can be a different person when they’re not around you. She also said that her SO could also cheat on her. We had to agree to disagree because there was no convincing her. Meanwhile, she’s now married. Personally, if i had that outlook, I could never get married. How can you marry someone that you don’t trust?
I know that this particular friend of mine had a traumatizing relationship where her and the guy were planning their wedding after knowing each other for two weeks. It was a little scary on my end because of how quickly everything happened. From an outsiders perspective, it was obviously unhealthy and didn’t seem real. Keep in mind, they were both young- both 19 and he had just gotten out of rehab for a drug addiction. So anyway, bascially, he broke her heart and had this different life when he was not around her. The whole relationship lasted like 4 months total, but it obviously impacted the amount of trust she has in people. That’s why I feel bad for people who can’t trust others. To me, it points to some kind of experience they had in the past.
Anyway, I agree with you. I think your opinion about your DH is the right one. After all, you know him best.
Post # 10
@QueenOfSerendip: I have read that as a sign of cheating MANY times: “if he suddenly cares about his appearance, he may be looking for a new partner and wants to impress them.” Cosmo, other womens mags, online articles…all chalk that kind of self-improvement in men up to shady motives.
Quite a leap, for sure.
Post # 11
@QueenOfSerendip: My FI just lost a decent amount of wieght, about twenty pounds- and no, I definitley did not think it was because he is cheating. I suppose in his (or my) case- it’s sort of obvious as to how/why he lost the weight- he got a new job in the spring and he’s quit active at it- always on his feet, moving- not a desk job! So it’s kind of obvious. But either way, there’d have to be something else to make me think he was cheating besides losing twently pounds.
Post # 12
I blame Cosmo for this sort of thinking. That magazine is just a breeding place for insecurity.
Post # 13
Is it possible your sister was joking? I tend to say things that I find funny at times only to realize later that they may be taken in a totally different way. I can see myself saying, “Uh-oh, he lost weight? Have you met his girlfriend yet?”
Yes, it’s a sign, but there’s gotta be more going on than that. People are allowed to lose weight for themselves. Now, if they are losing weight, buying a new wardrobe, being distant, and buying random gifts – then I would be doing some serious snooping.
Post # 14
That would definitely NOT be at the top of my list as a sign of cheating, no way. Plenty of people who are in relationships lose weight or get fit for all KINDS of reasons, the vast majority of which have nothing to do with “luring in” in a new partner.
Post # 15
@QueenOfSerendip: Whaaaa? I would never jump to that conclusion – pshaw, I say!
Post # 16
I hope your sister was joking because that is a serious accusation to make. Not to mention a dumb one as that is not at all true. What about women? Does it go the same way for us?
My husband started wearing ties to school this year. I am not worried that because he is dressing nicer that he is having an affair. He is just changing and having different tastes in styles.