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Be careful using herbal/naturapathic remedies especially st. john's wort. If they prescribe you a SSRI or MAOI which are commonly prescribed for anxiety, depression, and ocd (lexapro, prozac, zoloft, paxil, etc) it can interfere and cause a deadly reaction as seratonin syndrome and it also affects Implanon (hormonal contraception). Just get doctor and pharmacist approval.
@JuneBride_26June2010: I commend you for realizing you need someone to talk to. A lot of people push these feelings under the rug which lead to even worse things.
I understand what you're feeling, as I suffer from OCD caused by ADD. While I've grown out of ADD, I have a lot of lasting OCD side-effects. The best thing for me has been prescribed medication. People feel like they're crazy if they have to be put on medication, but sometimes it's the best thing for your own piece of mind. If you're hesitant to go the medication route, therapy & stress-relieving methods will be great for you.
Please PM if you ever feel the need to talk. Starting therapy (and medication if you do decide on it) is a scary thing to deal w/ if you feel no one else around you understands.
@CaraMia10: thank you very much. my husband just got home about 30 minutes ago (worked a wedding tonight, he's a caterer)...and, of course, part of me has been TERRIFIED to bring this up to him...but he came home and we talked and he totally agreed that it would be a GREAT thing for me to talk to someone, professionally.
One of his "issues" with me is the fact that I have NO focus whatsoever and am constantly "all over the place"...he even said he really notices it with the dogs - that our pug has been acting weird ALL weekend (and this weekend is when i've been having my 'attack'...) yet when i was at the state fair this morning with my father - and my husband stayed at home because he had to go into work in the afternoon...and he mentioned that our dogs were totally "calm" while I was gone - but when I'm home they feed off my emotions and area "all over the place" like I am.
I do NOT want to take medication...but we'll see. That's the reason why I'd rather try the SJW route first.
but you mentioned ADD - and that's also something i've (obviously) never been diagnosed with - however my brother has adult ADD and my focus issues are AWFUL. I'll be sitting in really important meetings at work - and my mind will be 2000 miles away thinking about the weirdest things.
but I have always been extremely obsessive over things. once the wedding was over - my hubby was SO happy that i wouldn't be obsessing over the wedding anymore - and joked about "what's your next "obsessive hobby"...and yeah - I've gotten a second job as a pampered chef consultant! :D
i'm excited about that - because I also think that it'll help me with a lot of my social issues I have (which is something else I need to talk to a therapist about...)
i KNOW not to "self-diagnose" by means of the internet - but of course I was googling information on OCD and anxiety and also came across "social-anxiety disorder" and while it's not like i'm exactly everything it talks about - it's like "wow, yeah, THAT'S me!" :(
he HATES how i never really wanna "hang out" with friends and he's the one who almost has to "force" me to go hang out with our friends (he's ALWAYS been much more social than me...)
ugh. i dunno. i know i NEED to talk to someone though. again, i won't got into details on how i've been feeling this weekend - but I will say I've been having extremely obsessive thoughts all weekend that have been driving me crazy. :(
the really good thing is - at this moment, anyways, after talking to my husband and knowing that he is very supportive of me talking to someone - i know he truly does love me - that he's not saying "oh it's all in your head" or anything. no - he totally agrees - and agrees it'd be a good thing! but that was one thing that scared me was that he wouldn't be supportive at all...
@JuneBride_26June2010: I nearly cried reading your post as I am so relieved to be reassured I'm not alone (though I never truly thought I was in this respect).
I self-diagnosed my OCD years ago, but have also been told by many people in my life that they notice it too. I can relate to anxiety attacks over obsessive thoughts, and I definitely think it is so brave that you are going to talk to your husband about this, as I know how hard it can be to even admit to yourself what's going on in your head.
I used to take St. John's Wort as my dad told me I should back in high school since I come from a family that mostly tries to reject meds. However, I didn't notice a huge difference after taking St. John's Wort and so I just went without anything for a long time. A couple of years ago I started using Bach's Rescue Remedy for anxiety and I would use it constantly. However, I took a flight a couple of months ago and realized I couldn't take it on with me so I got rid of it. Now I think I am better off without it, actually.
I would encourage you to see a professional about this. At the same time I think I am trying to encourage myself to do this, as I am terribly afraid of seeking help after having had terrible experiences with therapists during adolescence. If you haven't already done this (though I'm sure you have), you could do an online test for OCD and then bring your results to your doctor or whoever you get a referral to. Here is a link to one.
Please also don't hesitate to PM me as I can totally relate and will NOT judge you in any way, shape or form. Best of luck with talking to your husband - you are so brave!
Sorry - I took so long writing my post and didn't realize you had posted a second time. Whoops! So glad you were able to talk to your husband and that it went well.
Btw, I also have social anxiety (even my SO is embarrassed by it sometimes) but I find it a lot easier to deal with than OCD (like you, I just don't go out most of the time, ha!)
Hopefully you are able to find a fantastic therapist! Don't give up until you do!
@florence: thanks! and yes. it's actually been a long time coming. :( i'm not one to seek out help AT ALL. but I'm also such an OCD type A personality that in my head I KNOW that something's wrong and I CAN'T do it by myself. I NEED someone else to help me out.
it was a little scary talking to DH about it - but I'm soooo happy that I did. I did look on my insurance's website and they do include "behavioral" doctor's that I'm going to look into.
seriously - the past few days have been completely awful inside my brain. :(
I was in such a fog yesterday that I wandered around sam's club for an hour before focusing on what it was that I was there for.
of course, too - i CONSTANTLY read news websites and have always read Stephen King and Dean Koontz books (althought I HATE scary movies) - and one thing that has been going through my mind, too, is the fact that DH and I want to start TTC this year - and THAT has been scaring me this weekend that if I don't get the right kind of "help" that I may truly need - I don't know if I WANT to have kids - and truth be told is I want them soooooooo badly! and to not want to have kids because of my own OCD or whatever it is...scares the shit out of me.
@JuneBride_26June2010: I'm so glad you spoke w/ your husband and it's great that he's being so understanding. It will definitely help ease your fears.
It seems ADD is not just that, it leads to other mental issues as well. Like you I also have other anxieties, and was diagnosed with Agoraphobia last summer. I was put back on medication but it never really helped. While it's hard for me sometimes to leave the comfort of my home, I have to force myself & know it's the best thing for me. I think it's great you got a second job, it definitely helps with Social Anxiety. I also feel it shows you're taking strides to come out of your shell. I know all about researching online. You want to know that you're not alone & that your symptoms are real. It will also help you to describe to your physician certain traits you notice about yourself.
As far as your husband, now that he knows what you're dealing with maybe he'll ease up on "forcing" you to go out. Maybe he'll understand now that it's not because you don't want to or are being stubborn, but that it's hard to leave home. As mean as this sounds, he doesn't know what it's like unless he's gone through it himself. But also put yourself in his shoes that he probably feels helpless. I know FI felt that way when all this started for me. He'd do his best to make me feel better, make me feel comfortable, but he just didn't understand.
Hold your head up. You're definitely headed in the right direction. I hope all the best for you & I'm always here if you feel the need to talk :)
@CaraMia10: thank you SOOO much. and believe me - i totally get the thing with my hubby that "he doesn't understand because he's never gone through it"...
and yes, if/when I need it - i will totally be PM'ng you and @florence: :)
First of all kudos to you for realizing the fact and also talking to your husband!
I don't have OCD but my SO does-at least I believe so. The big difference to your case is he doesn't admit it nor wants help and he gets really mad/offended when I point it out. He has mild OCD which is difficult because it's kind of in between. He can still function on a daily basis but many small things drive him crazy and not to mention people around him (aka me).
He has contamination fears. Some things really bother him and have ruined our day before, it's also hard because we live in one of the dirtiest cities (NY)! Since he has always been in denial and tends to blame people around him. He kept starting arguments and it was very hard for me to have sympathy or to even understand what is going on.
He is making some progress by learning to be more conscious about how he communicates about his concerns (before freaking out or getting mad) and I try to listen and be more understanding. I have found that this may be a part of him that can not be changed but we have found a way to try to live peacefully with it...as long as it doesn't get worse...
@Ms Scarlet: hey there. i totally understand NOT wanting to "admit" having something. it's like - "nope, i'm NORMAL...there's nothing wrong with me!"
but at the same time - part of me keeps thinking, "am i just saying this for attention? i'm not one to LIKE negative attention (who does?) and i DON'T want people to think i'm crazy..."
as for the sympathy thing - and NOT understanding...my husband has already had to learn to live with something with me - i've had hearing/ear issues all my life (tubes in/out since the age of 7) and about two years ago - literally almost exactly, as I remember it was on my birthday (august 29) - my left ear "popped" like it normally does, but it wouldn't go back to normal and I had what I thought was a "normal" ear-ache as ear-aches are just something I have/deal with...
It wouldn't go away, however - and I ended up having surgery on my left ear to remove the tube - and from then on I was pretty much half deaf in my ear. Last year I finally GOT a hearing aid in that ear and in my right I had to have a tympanoplasty to repair the ear drum and a mastoidechtomy to remove scar tissue. My right ear's hearing is decent - but my left ear, I will be very surprised if i'm not 100% deaf by the time I'm 50 in that ear...
thing is - for the LONGEST time, DH was SO frustrated with me that I could never actually HEAR him when he was talking to me and honestly thought I was faking or something - but finally, once i got the hearing aid, and he talked to my doctor, he realized what was going on and has become a lot better at understanding WHY i have to have him repeat himself so much.
so maybe this is just something else he's going to have to learn to live with, with me.
AND i also have to constantly remind myself that he truly DOES love me and wants to do what he can to help - but it's NOT magic and I have to be patient with HIM being patient with ME...
well I bought some St. Johns Wort today as I figured I'll try it and see. :)
took 2 this morning - had a bit of a breakdown in the car on the way to work - took them when i got TO work...feeling better but still.
I AM trying to find a therapist to work with, but this isn't exactly easy...i called one and they only do group therapy which i'm SO not wanting...
so we'll see...
@JuneBride_26June2010: I'm sorry I didn't get to reply...there was a storm and some construction going on causing a blackout/brownout the past 2 days. Imagine 2 days without internet!
I think you and your husband have both come to an understanding and I think that's great! You sound like a very reasonable person and want to makes things better your husband also sounds very supportive. Please post how things progress!
With my SO I still think we have a long way to go. Being in denial makes it impossible for anyone to help because he insists that he doesnt need any. I understand that no one wants to be told there is something wrong with them but at the same time they shouldn't go blaming others for their problems. When we first dated I didn't see much of this going on because a) we were in a city that he considers "cleaner" b) we weren't living together and c) his life was not this stressed. I don't know what exactly triggered him to get worse but over the past few years his OCD has gone from occasionally to mild (but almost everyday there is a breakdown of some sort even if it's 5 minutes). I admit to not being helpful at all because he kept knit picking my every movement like my grandma did when I was a kid. "Wash your hands!", "Did you use soap?", "Could you not mix this dirty (insert random object here) with other things?". I hated being blamed and the fact that he was constantly starting ridiculous fights. We had a long talk about this before when I calmly tried to introduce OCD and symptoms but he was very offended and we could never really talk about it. He has slowly accepted some things he is over reacting and tried to acknowlegde that (ie worried about the dirty sidewalk with dog poop that we walked past 30 minutes ago). He will say outloud "the dirty side walk was ok...the dirty sidewalk was ok!" and then we'd enjoy our day.
Other things he just argues that even if he has OCD (ie demanding hands to be washed every time we come home from outside or after we do any deed) they aren't a bad habbit. Now my argument is being a clean/neat freak is not bad but being obsessed and bothered by someone not doing so and picking fights is bad!
I guess the good part is, if we ever have kids I won't have to be the naggy mom yelling at everyone to wash or pick up their dirty laundry!
@Ms Scarlet: :) haha i have to laugh - because my husband is the "clean freak" in our relationship! he's not OCD about it, at all - but I def. understand the nagging - especially when you clean something and he comes back after you with a "hey - you missed a spot"...
yeah - many fights have we had over THAT! but that is a separate issue - at least on my plate. lol.
Thanks for the reply. I DO have an appointment next week with a therapist. The company I work for uses "lifeworks" and will set up appointments with a therapist, when you feel like you need one! Thing is, the one they set me up with is not in my insurance network - so I will have to work with them to find someone who is...but at least it's a step in the right direction.
It's funny - one thing that I AM OCD about is - when I get an idea in my head about something (such as realizing I HAVE OCD...) it's ALL I think about for days/weeks/months, etc - and I have to do ALL the research on it that I can. So - of course I've been googling OCD (ironic?) and reading up on a lot of what it truly means to BE / HAVE OCD...and it's like seriously eye opening, it's almost scary!
Mine is the "obsessive" traits. I always have been - and a big part of it is the "obsessive thoughts" which is my biggest problem...thankfully MOST of the thoughts I had this past weekend have subsided (although they peek out every now and then the last two days...) but it's not like this weekend where it was literally every. single. thought. in my head. But reading more and more about it and little things such as "repeating a prayer over and over again"...um wow. I've repeated the exact same prayer since as far back as I can remember.
And the whole thing about "incessent obsessive thoughts" both violent and other - yeah. That's me. :(
Anyways. I DID buy some St. John's Wort yesterday and I think that has helped some - but it could also just be placebo affect because it does say it takes a few weeks for it to really work. :p
I struggle with it all the time.
Follow my blog on OCD, Anxiety & Trichotillomania(hair pulling):
I think the most helpful thing for me was exposure therapy: http://ocd.about.com/od/treatment/a/Exposure-Therapy-For-Ocd.htm
Its extremely hard but does make things a lot better in the end if you can tolerate the temporary distress it causes.
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ok - so I am going to get an appt with my doc here soon - as I know I really need to talk to someone "professionally"...
I've had (self-diagnosed as well as mother-diagnosed / husband-diagnosed / friends-diagnosed...) OCD for as long as I can remember. I've never been treated for it but here lately the obsessive thoughts i've been having have been almost giving me anxiety attacks. :( i hate them. i haven't really talked to my hubby about them (although am planning on it tomorrow) - but I just wanted to talk to others who may be in the same boat as I am and understand.
again, I'm not going to go into details - but is there anyone else out there suffering from OCD? have you been treated? have you tried st. john's wort?
I'd just like to hear from others and what your experiences are...