OCD is ruining a possibley amazing engagement…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t have any personal experience on this but I imagine that you sending him pictures and stories is probably making him think that you will have high expectations. I think you need to stop doing all of those things and just tell him that however it happens and whatever ring you get, you will just be happy to be marrying him.

Post # 5
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@piperbee:  If you want the proposal to happen asap all I know is that sending him romantic proposal stories and making your high expectations known is only going to put pressure on him and delay the engagement as he tries to scheme up a proposal that meets your standards.

You made your hints NOW DROP IT COMPLETELY. Have some trust in him that he wants to make you happy- have the respect to let him do his part!

Join the SHUT IT UP pact on here, because my dear, that is precisely what you need to be doing.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@piperbee:  Are you really diagnosed with OCD or are you just a perfectionist? There is a huge difference. Don’t misuse a diagnosis like this.

And I agree with other bees. He might think you are setting expectations outrageously high and that can be very intimidating. 

Post # 7
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@MrsBuesleBee: Yes I love Mr Bee’s 3 Step Plan! Worked for me back in the day and I didn’t even know it existed!

Post # 9
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@piperbee:  Is there a way to distract yourself? Hobbies or something? I was crazy busy with finals and finished 3 days before he proposed, so I had that going for me.

 

Trust me the moment I opened those books the thought of a proposal went straight out the window (along with any other non-school thoughts and the rest of my sanity)

What about working out and learning how to do awesome manicures? Then your proposal pics will feature a super fit diva with amazing nails XD 

Post # 11
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@piperbee:  I was like that. I was worried I wouldn’t like ring etc… But my suggestion is let it go as best you can-I was soooo happy to be engaged. It ended up not mattering to me how it happened. We went to NYC and Disney world months before he proposed and I was irritated he didn’t plan the perfect proposal and missed the opportunity but it ended up being perfect just us in our apartment. You will be happier if you have given opinions and cross fingers he takes hints but ultimately I was more into “this is the ring he set out and bought with his saved money” and this is the night he planned for me etc… It means more that I didn’t get my own orchestrated Disney proposal.

Post # 12
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsBuesleBee:  +1 I agree, you’ve put your wants out there, now try to shut it up so he can have time to plan something free of expectations.

@Chrysoberyl:  I also agree, time for OP to get a hobby!

@piperbee:  Hang in there OP. Things happen when they are supposed to and not just because you want them to.  Try and enjoy life, and you can bring your crazy waiting here to the waiting hive like the rest of us waiting bees.  We will talk to you here!

Post # 13
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, ring pictures are one thing but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone sending proposal stories.  Eeep!  My SO wouldn’t have taken that well. 

But your SO knows you are OCD (or if he doesn’t know you need to explain it to him before engagement).  So considering that, an apology to him explaining how OCD and your extreme excitement combined to result in what looked like pushy/demanding behaviour on your part.  Then after that talk, really let it go.  You seem to realize that’s going to be very, very difficult for you so maybe twice weekly visits with your counselor, medication if necessary, and being able to vent on here will help with the anxiety that comes with OCD.  Hopefully with those support systems in place you can learn to deal with your own emotions without having to pull him into your inner worries all the time.

Post # 16
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@piperbee:  You just hit ‘reply’, and it will bring the bee’s name who responded down to the text box with an automatic hyperlink Cool

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