Post # 1
Long time lurker… first time poster.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2.5 years now (living together for one of those). We are very serious and have talked about getting engaged for a while now. He has taken me ring shopping at least a handful of times (even took me to look at Tiffany’s this last Valentines day), but I know he wants the proposal to be very much a surprise.
So here’s my situtation. I quit my job working at a CPA firm after two years this last Decemeber to stay home, study for (and pass) all FOUR parts of the CPA (certified public accountant) exam. I have passed one of four of the sections and hoping that I will have them all done by August. My boyfriend mentioned a rather odd (or at least what I thought was odd) idea one day when we were talking engagements. He said in order to give me more motivation that he thought maybe we could make a deal/agreement. That agreemenet would be that when I pass all four sections of the exam that we could get engaged. Now I am not sure of the details because as I said I know he still wants it to be a surprise so it wouldn’t be like I passed the tests and he would propose the next day or anything but I think he just means it will be something for me to look forward to and kind of hurry him up.
Do you bees think there is anything wrong with this agreement? I feel like we will get engaged in the next year regardless and I did quit work to pass these darn tests so that will happen any how, so I wonder if I should just let things play out as they may?
Thank you in advance 🙂 I know this is probably an unusual thing to read about!
Post # 3
@BlondieBee28: It seems like a weird agreement. Like your future is contingent on an exam that your future is already contingent upon. If he wants to propose he should. Everything can’t be a game!
Post # 4
@BlondieBee28: That’s …strange. I agree with subtlebee. You need to take this exam to continue in your field. You’d be looking forward to getting the exams over with anyway (at least, I can’t wait til I’m done with my engineering exams), don’t need more motivation there.
Is there some financial aspect here? Some major pay increase or job security or something involved with passing these exams?
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Taghkanic State Park
I don’t think it’s weird, he obviously wants to propose either way. I think this is probably just a way for him to set a deadline for himself and also to make sure it comes at a time that is special/meaningful. You passing your tests signifies moving on to a new step in your life (professionally) which also makes it the perfect time for you to move forward with your life (romantically). Some people just like having a schedule. It sounds to me like he’s just really excited for everything to come together and fall into place, and wants to coordinate it so it happens in the same timeframe.
Post # 6
Do you lack the motivation to study or does he think you lack the motivation due to past occurrances? Does he maybe feel like you spend more time thinking about an engagement and wedding than thinking about your studies? Would it give you more motivation to study?
or could it be that he wants your work options to be more secure before starting the marriage process?
Post # 7
@BlondieBee28: I think that’s really weird. He needs to give you a different carrot, like shoes or something that doesn’t have to do with the progression of your relationship. No deal.
Post # 8
If it helps you keep motivated for your exam, why not..
But look at it from the other way: If you fail your exams, would this mean you wouldn’t get engaged? Then it seems like a bit of a harsh punishment. You’ll probably get engaged later then, but still..
This arrangement only seems to work when it has a positive outcome.
Post # 9
I think it’s kind of strange but he may just be trying to motivate you the only way he knows how. If he mentions it again I would say, “Thanks for trying to cheer me on but I don’t want to feel like our future is contingent on an exam score.”
Post # 10
And what happens if you don’t pass one of the sections? I’m sorry but I just had to ask what his Plan B was in this silly situation.
Post # 11
I agree with PP it is a little odd… I see where he is coming from just trying to give you that little extra push but it is one of those things that sound a lot better in your head than when you say it outloud.
Post # 12
Thanks for all of the good feedback bees!
@twixie: I don’t think there is something financial going on here. Yes if I get my CPA I will be able to get a job much easier and make more money than I would without it, but with that being said he has mentioned that is not the reason. He was very supportive with my decision to quit work and study full time in order to pass and he believes in me and knows not only will I pass these tests but find a good job where I’m happy (I hated me last job.)
@MonPetite: Thank you for that! That is a very sweet way of looking at it 🙂 I appreciate your kind thoughts.
@i jaye: All great questions! Honestly, the motivation is there but it is kind of like a rollar coaster in a way- goes up and down haha. I was starting to lose a bit of motivation after so much studying but it changed recently when I passed my first section of the test (the hardest section and I didn’t pass until the 3rd try.) My motivation to pass is now higher just because I’ve passed that one- it has made this goal of passing seem more attainable. I think maybe if we did have the deal it would give me more motivation to study just when I’m at a “low point” on the rollar coaster (ie having a bad not wanting to study day.) At the same time I do think maybe he thinks the whole engagement idea is kind of a distraction. Ever since he took me ring shopping and I literally haven’t found ‘the one’ I have been hunting for ideas of what I like online. I will look nonstop for a while then won’t look again for weeks- but when I’m in the ‘mood’ I look online for hours! So maybe he thinks if I know we can get very serious about it after last three tests that it will help. Oh and we finally realized I’ll just need to custom design a ring- he knows what center stone I want and will propose with that whenever it happens and then we will design the setting together.
@somethinaquamarine: thanks! He has offered shoes as well- like something bigger and better each milestone (test)- since I have three more to pass to be done.
@sfp: Yes I do see what you’re saying! However, there is actually not an option to NOT pass these exams. I quit work and set this goal and I WILL pass. It’s really just a matter of when I will pass. Since I’m not working I study all day 5 days a week I have plenty of time to focus and get it done. But especially now that I’m 1/4 of the way there- I have a fire under my booty to get the other three passed! I have them all scheduled out April 5, May 24, and July 19!
@Always Sunny: I like it! Thank you 🙂
@deetroitwhat: see some of my comments above. I will be passing the entire exam (all four parts- 3 more as of now)- it’s really just a matter of when! I am not the kind of person that quits work randomly- but my job was making me miserable and the bottom line was I needed to be able to study more than the time I was getting while working. I am hoping to be done with the remaining three parts by mid-July! Also I know we will get engaged regardless- I think he is more of settng a time frame for himself.
@MsPanda: my thoughts exactly! That is why I wanted bees’ opinions 🙂
Thank you again ladies that have responded! I forgot to mention that he is also a numebrs person (finance guy) who really likes to plan! When I moved here from Cali (to date him and start a new job- he was my best friend’s brother)- he said he thought we should live apart for six months to a year before we moved in together. So he set that deadline for himself back then and stuck to it- we moved in together around a year after I moved here. I honestly think he likes to have deadlines and maybe he just sees this as a good way to set one. I know he won’t hand me the ring the next day after I pass all three sections- he’ll still plan something meaningful! But I think since it will happen anyway regardless of when I pass my tests I will probably just not bring up this idea again and if he does tell him ‘no dice’ and that we can discuss engagement again after I’ve passed the remaining tests! We were both so excited I passed my first section I know that he will be even more excited with each pass that occurs (as will I) so I think maybe he will set this time frame anyways without a verbal ‘agreement’ with me!
Post # 13
i didn’t vote because i know i would not like this agreement. i would not want to tie my engagment so closely to something outside of our relationship. to me, getting engaged should be about our love and future together, not about getting a reward for something i accomplished.
BUT i’m not you and it’s up to you both! it doesn’t sound like it would cause anything bad in your relationship so if you’re game go for it! nothing wrong with doing things this way, just not my preference!
and best of luck on your exams!
Post # 14
@rawrrrrr: thank you 🙂 my initial reaction was the same but then I passed that first test and it sounded a little better haha. I think I’m just not going to mention it and let things play out as they are supposed to! and thank you for the luck on my exams- I will take all I can get 😉
Post # 15
I just passed my 4th and final CPA exam last month, so hell, I say use it as motivation. Those tests are an absolute bitch and any extra motivation is good to have. I passed them all on the first try while working full time, so as long as you can motivate yourself to use your time wisely, you shouldn’t have a problem! Good luck. 🙂
Post # 16
To me it’s a bit like either
a) You’re his horse and he’s dangling a carrot in front of you to make you go, or;
b) You’re his child and he’s promising dessert once you clean your room.
Unless he’s just setting a deadline so that he has to stick to it as well, in which case, why does HE need that much motivation?