Of All the things to fight over…

posted 3 years ago in Accessories
Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I see both sides. Growing up I dreamed of doing the whole “Lifting the veil” thing but as I got older, I was like, meh.

I didn’t wear a veil over my face. (My husband didn’t give two farts to the wind about this either way)

 

If I were in your shoes, I’d wear the veil and allow him to lift it. This is something that is (ideally) only happening once and if he says it’s a “dream” of his, I would feel guilty denying him. My husband was very outspoke on very few things so when he told me he felt strongly about something, I went with it even if it wasn’t something I would have normally chosen.

Maybe you can do it for a few pictures afterwards? If he is hellbent on only doing it for the first kiss, there’s really no way you can compromise on that. Someone has got to give.

Post # 4
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@DelilahDiamond:  Are you two doing a first look before the ceremony? If so, could you incorporate into that with a photo? Or do a “first kiss” during the first look? 

Personally, I was not into the veil thing either. I did end up wearing a single layer veil, but never put it over my face. I was definitely not into that, so I don’t blame you.

While I understand it is “part of his dream,” I really don’t think it is fair to cave in simply because he wants you to. It is something that you have to wear and therefore you should have a choice in it. 

Sorry I don’t have any real advice…

ETA: FWIW, I think you have offered some good compromises and he needs to meet you in the middle more. Marriage is about communication and compromise and this is a great place to start both.

Post # 7
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@DelilahDiamond:  I like the first look idea. You can wear a veil for the first look and do the whole lift-n-kiss at that time. 

Post # 8
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

This might be silly, but is there a way to do the ceremony without the veil and then find a place for your MH to pull the veil foward and say the rest of the vows to the “you may kiss the bride” part? I don’t blame you for not wanting to wear it, it would really annoy me and I would be upset that I didn’t have any pictures of my face during the ceremony.

Post # 9
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@DelilahDiamond:  This can go back and forth til the end of time.

“Why do I have to give in?”

“Well, why do I have to give in? It’s my dream.”

“But it’s my head!”

“It’s my wedding, too!”

I think that train of thought is going to lead you to misery.

Post # 12
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

Maybe you could compromise with something like having your mother or father or maid of honor bring down the face veil at the end of the aisle, wear the silly thing for the brief ceremony, and then let him do his whole dumb veil lift and get to feel like a great big man. It sounds like the veil lifting is a dream of his. It also sounds like he’s being crappy and stubborn. I would ask him what his idea for a compromise is first. 

I would NOT reccommend deceiving him into thinking he is going to get his dream moment, only to snatch it away once you’re sauntering down the aisle. That’s not cool either.

Post # 13
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Hyperventilate:  While it can go to the end of time, I feel like her concerns/feelings about are further validated by: 

1) having to look through tulle the whole time

2) not having pics of her face throughout the ceremony

3)strongly disliking the idea/she never imagined herself wearing it like that

4) she has made attempts to compromise, while he has not

It may be his “dream,” but it may be time to realize that reality has set in. His bride is a living, breathing, independent human being with her own set of wishes/desires/dreams.  

This may seem like a small thing to some, but clearly they both feel strongly about it. She has her visions of the wedding as well, and clearly it conflicts with his. Yes, they need to discuss this further, but I don’t buy that the “dream” card trumps her preferences. 

Post # 15
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@DelilahDiamond:  I would give him two options – first look with veil or walking down the aisle with the veil. You guys should be able to compromise over this. 

Post # 16
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@DelilahDiamond:  I guess it depends on how long your ceremony is going to be. If its a quicky 5 minute thing, then there isn’t much point. 

Can you get any other answer other than “its my dream” out of him. What is about it that he is wanting to do so badly? 

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