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I would seriously put my foot down about this. I can't imagine a mother doing this without the daughter saying it's okay. Heck my mom was nervous about wearing RED...ivory is a no-no. Check that--it's a HELL NO in my book. Sorry babe.
I think you need to have a good heart to heart with your mom...she needs to concede
Ugh, that is some passive aggressive bullshit there. I've said before that I wouldn't care about guests wearing white to my wedding, but this is a whole new level. There's a difference between a guest wearing a white sundress and your MOM intentionally buying a WHITE WEDDING DRESS! Jeez. I'm so sorry. Maybe you could show her an etiquette book where it points out that no one but the bride should be wearing white/ivory?
Wow, it's bad enough that she bought an ivory dress, but when I read that she is planning to walk you down the aisle in it, I about fell out of my chair. Sounds like your mom is not the kind of person you can be subtle with, so showing her an etiquette book might not work? If I were you, I would put it very simply: Do not wear that dress or you will not walk me down the aisle. Period. Do not cave on this. You have our support!
WOW. You should tell your mom straight up her wearing ivory will put a serious damper on your wedding. You also need to tell her she needs to buy another dress or she isn't walking you down the aisle. If she refuses then say you are doubting that she should even go at all. From what it sounds like your mom wants to BE THE BRIDE, not the mother of the bride, and that is SO messed up. I would hope that any mother given that ultimatum would just buy a new damn dress.
My heart sank when I read that she plans to walk you down the aisle in it. Gulp. Can you find a nice way to say something along the lines of, either ditch the Ivory wedding gown or you'll be sitting in the pew watching me walk down the aisle? I don't know how to say something like that in a polite way, then again, buying a wedding dress to wear to your wedding doesnt seem very polite to me. I'm sorry thereis more drama for you. Deep breaths.
That. Is. Ridiculous. Man, I'm sorry. I don't care what people wear to my wedding, but a MoB showing up in a ivory wedding gown is...well...not right.
Honestly, I think that you have the right idea focusing on the whole "you will look like a moron" deal. When you mentioned that to her, what did she respond with?
She's right- everyone will know you're the bride. Everyone will also know that your mom is trying to pull some passive aggressive stuff and is intentionally trying to steal your thunder. I think that there was a similar post in the Hive a while ago about a MOG doing something similar and she ended up in the bathroom crying all night because people were not kind.
I think that it's really awesome that you're big concern here is her looking like a fool and I think that you are definitely well within your rights to not expect your mom to upstage you. Who plans for that? The only thing I can say (if she really insists on wearing this) is that if you put on a brave face and be gracious, you will come out as the bigger person. Have this conversation now- I would explain that if she insists on wearing the gown, you will not be walking down the aisle with her. You will also not be responsible for the comments made by others.
when did she get her dress? DB allows you to exchange your dress ONCE. also, they can always look up your mom's order from their computer using your mom's name. set you foot down on this and exchange the dress!
OMG. I just read a couple of other threads that you started. Your mom sounds like a nightmare.
An invory gown?!? Give me a break. She was trying to lecture you on wedding traditions before (with you having a cake/punch reception) and now she's trying to pull off something that obviously goes against wedding tradition?
She sounds like a nightmare and honestly, I'd be tempted to just not invite her. Or cancel the wedding and go elope.
Good luck to you!
That's pretty bad if it's the same general shade as your dress. My mom & my MIL both wore champagne/goldish/dark ivory dresses, but they were dark enough that they didn't look just like my dress. I agree that you need to discuss this with your mom and tell her how it makes you feel, then suggest that if she likes the ivory color, maybe she could find something closer to gold or champagne that will look different enough from your dress.
Sweet Fancy Moses! I just read your other posts, OP, and my gosh, this is not a good situation.
This is my honest take: I don't think that your mom has a clue what's going on. It sounds like she's very interested in doing things for appearances sake (which is why I really don't get her buying a dress that's going to make the the talk of the wedding, but whatevs). If I were you, I would tell her that you've decided to make a change. You're going to walk down the aisle by yourself. I wouldn't give her any more chances to hang herself. You're just going to be worried about how she's going to behave the entire time. Adjust your expectations of her because she's just going to stress you out more and hurt you.
This sucks and I feel for you. The Hive is here, my friend. Vent away.
Have you seen it? I'd look through DB's website (or ask her to if you haven't seen it) to try and determine if it's an actual wedding dress. Just out of morbid curiousity, I guess. Sorry to hear your mom is causing all this stress! Off to read your other threads!
As some of the other posters have said here already I think you should tell your mom that what she has done is unacceptable. Tell her you have chosen to walk down the aisle on your own. Its so sad that she would do something like this to you on your wedding day, but some people love attention and will do anything to get it!
I just went back and read your other posts, and I really don't mean to be rude, but given your mother's behavior, why would you want her to walk you down the aisle to begin with? And what happened with all the drama about her not want you to invite her family? And given how she feels about them, why would the rest of her family not come if she doesn't come?
I'm sorry for questioning all of this, but your entire situation just boggles my mind...
I don't know how you do it. I think I would just snap and scream "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????" I think you should tell her that people ARE going to say mean things about HER at the wedding, because it's so obvious she's trying to make a scene. Like other bees have asked, are you still going to have her walk you down the isle, given all the other stuff she's done to you? I would MAKE her exchange that dress, at the very least show you what she bought, I mean comeon is she 5? She needs to stop acting like it.
If she doesn't want to get a different dress then I would either explain to her that she simply cannot walk you down the isle and possibly not even come to the wedding. I know something as simple as a dress is a stupid thing to ban somebody from your wedding for but like it has been said, she isn't wearing a white sundress and sitting in the pews with everybody else. She is wearing a wedding dress that looks like yours! If it were me I would be a super bridezilla B!tch and just take the dress and get it dyed. That way she doens't have to buy a new one and can still wear the dress she bought! It just wont match your dress now! lol.
Well I called DB and they said that if she bought it off the rack, they don't log the dress number into their system so I can't see what dress she chose. I really wanted to know what is was and who in their right mind would sell the MOB an ivory gown. I told my mom to see if she can exchange it for another color if the dress hasn't been discontinued and if it is, to buy a different one or she's not even setting foot into the wedding. She said she understood but I'll have to follow up with her to see she actually does it. I want my mom to walk me down the aisle since my parents are divorced and my dad has been out of my life for over ten years. She the only one who's been with me since birth and as crazy as she is (or as my stepdad puts it ever so delicately: "logic isn't one of your mom's strengths"), she did take care of me before I could live on my own.
I've tried following up with her about the family thing but every time I try to get a word in she starts screaming about how much she hates them and how I'm killing her with the stress of this wedding. All I wanted to say to her was that if she does not allow me to invite my own family there and only have her there as my only blood relation, then it will forever damage our relationship. I already have difficulty sharing with her about the most special day of my life thus far, I just can't see us getting closer when she has placed her bitterness over her own love for me. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a word edge-wise as she was already screaming so I had to drop the issue for now.
My maid of honor has suggested that we select a 'MOB Babysitter" to just kinda keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything crazy on the big day. She's already trying to see if she can get her and my stepdad tickets to some events near the wedding site so she's not around while we're setting up for the wedding the day before. I told my MOH that if my mom is there, all she will do is criticize every decision I made without her and I don't need that.
I have to admit, I did scream when I found out about the dress. Especially since my stepdad chimed in on her side saying the label on the dress said it was "bone" colored and I screamed back at him "WHAT COLOR ARE BONES???!!" I'm hoping that got her attention.
And I feel like I have to invite her because if I don't, my stepdad certainly won't come, and if he doesn't come, neither will his family because although I'm pretty sure they love me, I don't see why they would fly all the way to a wedding when my stepdad isn't even going to be there. And then, I'm not even sure all of my blood relatives would even be able to attend. I would be happy if just 10 out of 50 show up but my mom doesn't even want one to be there. I don't know if I'm a strong enough person to risk having so many people purposely not come to my wedding all for the sake of ten people I really want to invite. I don't know if that fully makes sense (maybe logic isn't my strength either!) but that's how it plays out in my head.
Sorry, it takes me a while to respond to messages-- I just started a job and my fiance and I are together after work pretty much until he's too tired and goes home so that leaves me the late hours and whether I feel like ending the day on a downer. Thank you guys for your support. I really appreciate it. All of this has kinda taken me by surprise. I know my mom isn't perfect but her behavior during this season in my life has come as such a shock. I always knew she could be kinda immature but her behavior as of late has been ridiculous to the point of sometimes comical. I'm so thankful that my fiance can take it in stride. He laughed when he heard about the ivory dress and just hearing him made me laugh about it too.
@Almond: Honey I don't know how you do it, but you handle your MOB issues like a pro! Just want to extend some kudos your way for that. I totally understand wanting your family in your wedding, even if they're a little on the dysfunctional side. Your MOH's idea of a "babysitter" for your mom is an awesome idea, and you should definitely follow through with that. In fact, a babysitter at the ceremony and reception isn't a bad idea either, in case she tries to upstage you during the first dance or something, who knows.
Speaking of moms wearing white dresses, have you seen this Bridezilla episode?
@jenbrandner: Ha yep. I never thought I would relate to a Bridzilla episode! Somebody do something about her. :P
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You can look through the history of my posts to see all things my mom has done to me during this wedding and it just keeps getting better. She decided to buy an ivory gown at Davids Bridal. She threw away the tags so she doesn't know the item number and she cant' return it so I'm stuck. I told her "please, just choose any dress but ivory." I guess she heard "please choose a dress... ivory!" and went out and bought a big, more expensive than my dress, ivory gown. She doesn't remember if she bought it in the bridal gown section so it could be a wedding gown. She doesn't see her dress as a problem. She thinks people will know I'm a the bride but I told her that the bigger problem is that everyone in the wedding will think she's rude for wearing the same color as the bride. I don't want to be a brat but I told her I want to be the only one in ivory. Is that too much to ask?
I am at my wits end with her. I've stopped talking with her about the wedding and today I checked in with her to see if she's done one of the two things I've asked her to do (buy her dress and book her flight) and she happily told me about her ivory dress that she bought to wear to walk me down the aisle in. I don't know what to do. I'd love to tell her to not bother coming but I know the rest of my family won't come if she doesn't come and then I'll be having a wedding where only my FI family and our friends are attending. Sorry, just had to vent. :(