(Closed) Of course my mom decides to buy an ivory gown to wear to my wedding (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would seriously put my foot down about this. I can’t imagine a mother doing this without the daughter saying it’s okay. Heck my mom was nervous about wearing RED…ivory is a no-no. Check that–it’s a HELL NO in my book. Sorry babe.

I think you need to have a good heart to heart with your mom…she needs to concede

Post # 4
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh, that is some passive aggressive bullshit there. I’ve said before that I wouldn’t care about guests wearing white to my wedding, but this is a whole new level. There’s a difference between a guest wearing a white sundress and your MOM intentionally buying a WHITE WEDDING DRESS!  Jeez.  I’m so sorry.  Maybe you could show her an etiquette book where it points out that no one but the bride should be wearing white/ivory?

Post # 5
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow, it’s bad enough that she bought an ivory dress, but when I read that she is planning to walk you down the aisle in it, I about fell out of my chair. Sounds like your mom is not the kind of person you can be subtle with, so showing her an etiquette book might not work? If I were you, I would put it very simply: Do not wear that dress or you will not walk me down the aisle. Period. Do not cave on this. You have our support!

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

WOW. You should tell your mom straight up her wearing ivory will put a serious damper on your wedding. You also need to tell her she needs to buy another dress or she isn’t walking you down the aisle. If she refuses then say you are doubting that she should even go at all. From what it sounds like your mom wants to BE THE BRIDE, not the mother of the bride, and that is SO messed up. I would hope that any mother given that ultimatum would just buy a new damn dress.

Post # 7
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My heart sank when I read that she plans to walk you down the aisle in it. Gulp. Can you find a nice way to say something along the lines of, either ditch the Ivory wedding gown or you’ll be sitting in the pew watching me walk down the aisle? I don’t know how to say something like that in a polite way, then again, buying a wedding dress to wear to your wedding doesnt seem very polite to me. I’m sorry thereis more drama for you. Deep breaths. 

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That. Is. Ridiculous.  Man, I’m sorry.  I don’t care what people wear to my wedding, but a MoB showing up in a ivory wedding gown is…well…not right.

Honestly, I think that you have the right idea focusing on the whole “you will look like a moron” deal.  When you mentioned that to her, what did she respond with? 

She’s right- everyone will know you’re the bride.  Everyone will also know that your mom is trying to pull some passive aggressive stuff and is intentionally trying to steal your thunder.  I think that there was a similar post in the Hive a while ago about a MOG doing something similar and she ended up in the bathroom crying all night because people were not kind.

I think that it’s really awesome that you’re big concern here is her looking like a fool and I think that you are definitely well within your rights to not expect your mom to upstage you.  Who plans for that?  The only thing I can say (if she really insists on wearing this) is that if you put on a brave face and be gracious, you will come out as the bigger person.  Have this conversation now-  I would explain that if she insists on wearing the gown, you will not be walking down the aisle with her.  You will also not be responsible for the comments made by others.  

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

when did she get her dress? DB allows you to exchange your dress ONCE. also, they can always look up your mom’s order from their computer using your mom’s name. set you foot down on this and exchange the dress!

Post # 10
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

OMG. I just read a couple of other threads that you started. Your mom sounds like a nightmare.

An invory gown?!? Give me a break. She was trying to lecture you on wedding traditions before (with you having a cake/punch reception) and now she’s trying to pull off something that obviously goes against wedding tradition?

She sounds like a nightmare and honestly, I’d be tempted to just not invite her. Or cancel the wedding and go elope.

Good luck to you!

Post # 11
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s pretty bad if it’s the same general shade as your dress.  My mom & my MIL both wore champagne/goldish/dark ivory dresses, but they were dark enough that they didn’t look just like my dress.  I agree that you need to discuss this with your mom and tell her how it makes you feel, then suggest that if she likes the ivory color, maybe she could find something closer to gold or champagne that will look different enough from your dress. 

Post # 12
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sweet Fancy Moses!  I just read your other posts, OP, and my gosh, this is not a good situation.  

This is my honest take:  I don’t think that your mom has a clue what’s going on.  It sounds like she’s very interested in doing things for appearances sake (which is why I really don’t get her buying a dress that’s going to make the the talk of the wedding, but whatevs).  If I were you, I would tell her that you’ve decided to make a change.  You’re going to walk down the aisle by yourself.  I wouldn’t give her any more chances to hang herself.  You’re just going to be worried about how she’s going to behave the entire time.  Adjust your expectations of her because she’s just going to stress you out more and hurt you.

This sucks and I feel for you.  The Hive is here, my friend.  Vent away.

Post # 13
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have you seen it? I’d look through DB’s website (or ask her to if you haven’t seen it) to try and determine if it’s an actual wedding dress. Just out of morbid curiousity, I guess. Sorry to hear your mom is causing all this stress! Off to read your other threads!

Post # 14
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

As some of the other posters have said here already I think you should tell your mom that what she has done is unacceptable. Tell her you have chosen to walk down the aisle on your own. Its so sad that she would do something like this to you on your wedding day, but some people love attention and will do anything to get it!

Post # 15
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I just went back and read your other posts, and I really don’t mean to be rude, but given your mother’s behavior, why would you want her to walk you down the aisle to begin with? And what happened with all the drama about her not want you to invite her family? And given how she feels about them, why would the rest of her family not come if she doesn’t come?

I’m sorry for questioning all of this, but your entire situation just boggles my mind…

Post # 16
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t know how you do it. I think I would just snap and scream “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????” I think you should tell her that people ARE going to say mean things about HER at the wedding, because it’s so obvious she’s trying to make a scene.  Like other bees have asked, are you still going to have her walk you down the isle, given all the other stuff she’s done to you? I would MAKE her exchange that dress, at the very least show you what she bought, I mean comeon is she 5? She needs to stop acting like it.

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